Page 89 of Wicked & Wildflower

I roll my eyes and take the beach bag from Monica’s arms, unpacking Lou’s towel, sunscreen, and her book. Darby and Monica talk softly about operations at the flower shop. It’s the first time Darby is leaving it with only her staff—two college students she hired on—and I can see the nerves rippling off her, but Monica quietly assures her while I set up a spot for Lou between our chairs and beneath the umbrella.

Once Lou’s settled in the sand and reading her book, my sister glances at me. “I…” She sighs. “I wanted to let you know that I’ve spoken to Mom.”

I look at Lou to make sure she’s not paying attention. I rarely mention my parents, and she rarely asks about them. They say kids are intuitive, and I think it’s always been clear that my parents saw my child as nothing more than my biggest mistake. I think she always knew their love and affection was conditional, the same way I’d been able to see it since I was a child myself. She doesn’t miss them, I don’t think, but I try to recognize their existence as little as possible. Luckily, Lou is so engrossed in Nancy Drew, she’s not paying an ounce of attention.

“Why?” I ask my sister. An uneasy sensation takes over my body.

“She called to congratulate me on the wedding,” Darby says. “She found out from a tabloid. I felt kind of bad about that.”

“You have nothing to feel bad for.”

She nods. “I know. I just… I think she’s a victim too. I know she’s not perfect. She wasn’t even a good mother. I just can’t help but wonder what she’d have been like if he wasn’t around, the same way I wonder if I would’ve become her if it wasn’t for him,” she nods toward her fiancé in the waves, “or for you.”

“You would’ve always found your way out,” I say with conviction. “You’re stronger than her.” I shrug. “I can’t find it in myself to care that she was weak. I can’t find it in myself to accept that as an excuse.” I know it’s harsh, but it’s true. “As amother myself, there isn’t anyone on this planet that could put me in a position where I would treat my child the way…” I trail off. My mother may not have been the one who locked me in the house or told me I was worthless. She may not have been the one to throw things or break doors, but she never stopped him, never defended us. “There is no amount of fear that would drive me to be like her, no amount of approval I could seek to do the things she’s done or act the way she has.” I look into my sister's eyes, glimmering gold in the sunlight. “I’m not sure there is anything that can be done at this point for me to forgive her either.”

Darby lets out a long breath. “I think I might want to try. Not for her or for him, but just for me. I feel like it’s what I need to let go of that part of my life and embrace everything I have now.”

“I get it,” I say, because I do. I understand why she feels the way she does, I just don’t have it in me to feel the same. “But if she starts guilt tripping you into coming home, if she brings up him, or Lou—”

“I’ve set clear boundaries. She knows I’ll cut her off without a second thought.” She chews on her lip. “Plus, she said Dad doesn’t even know she’s contacting me.”

I nod.

“Will you be upset with me for speaking with her? Forgiving her?”

I grab her hand again, holding tightly. “Never. As long as you won’t be mad at me for being unable to let it go.”

“Never,” she responds.

I’m half asleep before something dark covers the brightness behind my closed lids. I open one eye and find Leo standing over us, water dripping down his shirtless chest as he places his hands on his hips and smiles.

“Hi.” My sister laughs. “Are you done?”

He shakes his head. “Just taking a break while they torture Everett.” Swaying on his feet, he looks almost giddy about something, filled with anticipation. “Did you ask her yet?”

“Oh.” Darby sits up. “No, I forgot. Lulu?” My sister shakes my daughter’s shoulder.

“What?” Lou glances up at her, face scrunched and appearing aggravated for her reading time being interrupted.

“Wow.” Leo lets out a slow whistle. “That’s the same look Honeysuckle gives me when she’s reading about cowboys and I try talking to her.” My sister rolls her eyes, letting out a snort. “It’s a little insulting, honestly,” he continues. “Like, what could a cowboy offer you that I can’t?”

“You know what they say,” I chime. “Save a horse.”

“That’s weird. I thought the term was ‘save a wave, ride a surfer.’”

Darby cups her hands around her mouth, letting out a low, “Boo.”

Leo crawls over my sister, straddling her chair as he begins shaking his hair over top of her, water droplets flying all around him.

“Stop!” Darby shrieks with laughter. “You’re getting me wet.”

“Hell yeah, I am, baby.” He nuzzles his face against her neck, kissing along her jaw. “I bet your cowboys can’t do it like I can.”

“¡Ya basta! Hay niños y suegras presentes,” Monica shouts from Darby’s other side. I’m not sure exactly what she’s saying, but I assume it’s something like ‘shut the fuck up’ because that’s what I’m about to start yelling too.

“Lo siento, mama,” Leo mutters, climbing off my sister. Darby’s cheeks are flushed, but her eyes glow with adoration.

He wraps his arms around my sister, lifting her and taking her seat before setting her down on his lap. My daughter looks back at them both with a scowl. “You guys are being loud.”

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