Page 118 of Until Then

“Hey.” I put a hand to his back, hoping not to startle him. “Do you know anything?”

He shakes his head, his shoulders sagging. “He’s gone, Izzy. I just know it.”

“I’m so sorry, Derrick. Let’s have some hope, okay?”

It takes all my strength to usher Derrick over to a set of plastic chairs. He’s so much larger than me and so out of it that he’s little help, but somehow, I manage.

“We don’t know anything yet,” I remind him. “Try to remain positive.”

But I, like him, feel like there’s no hope.

When someone’s that pale and lifeless? It can’t be good.

Derrick drags his hand down his stubbled cheek, making a rasping sound. “He’s… fuck. He’s such a good friend, you know? His kids are still… kids. They need him. It doesn’t feel right. I couldn’t get him to breathe. I tried, but I just…” He looks away from me, his shoulders shaking.

I’ve never felt so helpless as I do now, sitting beside him as he breaks down, unable to take his pain away.

I put my hand on his arm, offering as much comfort as I can. I don’t say anything, because what can be said at a time like this? I won’t placate him or spout a bunch of empty words. Until we know what’s going on, it’s better if I stay quiet.

The emergency room is small and relatively quiet. Rather than comforting, though, the silence feels truly isolating. I’d almost prefer for there to be more people here instead of only the two of us.

Wiping his face, he says, “They said they were taking Maura and the kids back to a private room. I don’t have experience with this, but I have a feeling it’s where they give you bad news.”

“Or maybe Brooks is stable and in a private room, and that’s what they meant.”

He shakes his head like he doesn’t believe me. Frankly,Idon’t believe me.

“Derrick—”

He shoots to his feet and paces the short length of the room.

I send a text to my sister, letting her know what’s going on and to tell Reid. She might not know Brooks, but I’m sure Reid does, and he’ll know what this is doing to his dad. Maybe he can help Derrick in a way I can’t.

Needing an excuse to get up, I wander to the water cooler in the corner of the room and fill one of the paper cups. After a long inhale and exhale, I take a sip, finding that my throat is surprisingly dry.

Derrick does another few laps around the room before collapsing in the chair he occupied previously.

He bends over and drops his head between his knees like he’s lightheaded.

“Derrick?” I hurry over to his side. Rubbing the back of his neck, I ask, “Are you okay?”

“No.”

I wish I could take away his pain, but to get an honest answer out of him like this is all I can ask for.

“Here, drink some water.” I all but shove the paper cup at him.

Straightening, he looks at it like it’s a strange animal he’s concerned will bite him. But eventually, he accepts it and drains the cup in one gulp. I hurry to refill it and bring it back to him. This time, I crouch in front of him, trying to get a good look at his face since I’m concerned he might pass out.

He holds the cup delicately between his fingers, like he’s scared if he holds on too tight, he’ll crush it, and takes careful sips this time.

“Maybe we should go,” he says quietly once the cup is empty again. “Maura… She doesn’t need us anymore.”

My chest aches at the defeat in his tone. “We can go if you want, but if you want to stay, we’ll do that.”

He mulls it over for a silent moment, then finally says, “Stay, I guess. I need to know, and Maura… She’ll need a way home. I didn’t think about that.”

“Okay.” With a light squeeze to his leg, I stand, then throw the cup into the trash can beside the water cooler.

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