Page 2 of Until Then

“That’s enough of this.” She holds up a hand, effectively putting a wall between us.

Tears burn my eyes at the reprimand, though I understand her anger. I wouldn’t want to constantly answer questionsabout what I’m wearing, who I’m dating, or what I may or may not have done with my body. It’s pushy and invasive. The Tea has always leaned into these kinds of questions, but I’ve never been given questions as invasive as the one I just uttered.

Lux walks off then, saving me from having to ask the last question, which somehow feels worse than the one about abortion.

As she saunters away, I do my best to smile, despite the way nausea roils in my stomach. I have other people to interview, and I have to keep a brave face.

Hours later,feet swollen from my heels and with cooling patches beneath my eyes, I sink into bed with Wonton, my beloved Maltese. And despite my better judgment—and knowing The Tea will probably have my head for it—I send a DM to Lux.

I type out, delete, and retype my response several times before settling on a message I think sounds okay.

@izzy_james: Hi, Lux. I wanted to extend my sincerest apologies for tonight. The questions were uncalled for, and it’s on me for not reading them ahead of time and vetoing them. As a woman who shares my life on social media, I understand what it’s like to be asked invasive questions about your personal life. I’m terribly sorry I was a part of that for you. I’m a genuine fan of your music and all you do. I hope we can meet again under different circumstances.

Once the message is sent, I force myself to turn my phone off. Otherwise, I’ll be awake all night scrolling various social media apps in search of gossip about the disaster of an interviewand anxious for a reply from Lux. The chances of her even seeing the message are slim, but I have to hope.

It’s nearing eleven when I finally wake up. It’s unusual for me to sleep this late, but I was out until the wee hours. Wonton, thankfully, had no problem sleeping in with me. He wiggles beside me, slowly rousing, and gives my nose a lick. Then he lets out a sharp bark—his demand to be let out.

I slip out of bed, and once I’m wrapped up in my robe, I open the sliding glass door to let him out back while I go to the bathroom myself. As I round my bed, I eye my phone where it sits on the nightstand, telling myself I need to wait at least five minutes before powering it on again.

After washing my hands, I step back into the bedroom and find Wonton pawing at the door, ready to be let back in. When I do, he runs straight out of the room to the kitchen for his breakfast. For such a tiny dog, he’s extremely bossy. I snag my phone and stuff it in the pocket of the robe, holding strong. Once I’ve set his bowl of food down and started a pot of coffee, I finally give in to the temptation to check social media.

When the app loads and I navigate to the notifications, my heart drops.

@luxonator3000: how cld u ask Lux those questions? So rude.

@brielle_luvs_lux: I can’t believe you did that. I’ve loved your vlogs for years, but I’m unfollowing.

@izzyjamessucks: Don’t come after our girl like that. Ur CANCELED.

Comment after comment appears on my last few posts, all some variation of how much I suck. My following count has already dropped by three thousand. It’s not a lot in the grand scheme of things, but it’s enough for it to sting.

My DMs are filled with more of the same, though I do finda message from Lux waiting. My heart beats rapidly and my hands shake when I click on it.

@LUX: I appreciate your apology. I understand the questions didn’t come directly from you, but next time I highly recommend you vet them beforehand. Best of luck,

Lux.

Then, almost forty minutes later, there is another message from her.

@LUX: Our interview is going viral. My team is on it, because frankly, I don’t want it circulating any more than I’m sure you do. My fans are already going after you, so now it looks like I owe you an apology. I’m going to put out a statement and try to clean this up.

I click onto her stories where a tired-looking Lux explains how the questions weren’t mine but directly from The Tea. She pleads with her fans to understand that attacking me does more harm than good and that we’ve spoken privately.

My heart plummets. Regardless of her efforts, it won’t be enough.

Not with her level of fame and the passion her fans have for her.

As my follower count continues to lower, I watch as everything I’ve worked so hard for slips through my fingers.

And anymore, without my vlog or my social media following, I don’t know who I am.

1

IZZY

May

Three months later

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