Page 41 of Until Then

With a quiet snort, I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. “I doubt that.”

Derrick might be the least selfish person I know.

His cheeks hollow, and for a minute he’s quiet. Eventually, he blows out a long breath and focuses on me. “I loved my wife very much, and moving on hasn’t been easy, but I still… want that. A partner, a lover, a best friend.”

My heart clenches at the longing in his tone and the sadness etched in the lines on his face. “You can have that.”

He surveys the ocean, squinting against the light despite his sunglasses. “I’m not so sure.”

“Why is that?” I press, even though I probably shouldn’t.

“I haven’t dated much, but in my limited experience, I haven’t found anything even close to a meaningful connection. I’m not sure there’s another right person out there for me. Maybe I need to find a way to be okay with that. Maybe it’s better if I’m alone. I wouldn’t have to worry about being hurt again. For a long time…” He swallows audibly, clears his throat. “I thought I’d never feel normal again. Honestly, if I hadn’t had to go on for my kids, I’m not sure I would’ve survived it.”

It’s a stab in the gut, knowing he feels as though he can’t have love again. If there’s anyone in this world who deserves to find it, it’s Derrick.

For an instant, I lose my mind and am tempted to tell him thatI’mstanding right here. But I bite my tongue. I can’t stand the thought of his rejection.

Instead, I plaster on a smile. “Let me make a dating profile for you.”

He blinks at me, confused. “A dating profile?”

My chest tightens, but I push the sensation away. This will be good for him. “Yeah, you know, on an app.”

“Fuck no,” he sputters. “No thanks.” He swishes his arms through the air in an X motion like he can banish the thought from existence.

“Come on.” I elbow his side in a playful attempt to deflect from how this topic has me wanting to hurl over the side of the boat. “They’re not so terrible.”

I’m such a liar. Dating apps are the literal worst.

Heharrumphs. “I’m too old for that shit.”

“I’ll take the photos for you.”

Shit. Why am I so determined to get him to agree? It doesn’t bode well for me and my stupid crush if he gives in.

He gives me a thorough once-over, lips pursed. “No.”

Relief washes over me. I clench my jaw tight and sit on my hands in an effort to keep myself from saying or doing something I shouldn’t, and he doesn’t broach the subject again.

A short time later, we dock, finding Brooks and his family grilling hotdogs and burgers in the backyard.

“You two hungry?” Brooks asks, waving us over. “We have plenty of food.”

Derrick looks to me, gauging my interest, so I give him a shrug. I’m fine with sticking around for a bit.

When we reach the group, Brooks shakes my hand. “It’s good to see you again, Izzy. This is my wife, Maura.” He points to a middle-aged woman sitting at the picnic table with a glass of wine. “My daughter Amanda and her girlfriend Felicity.” A nod toward the couple cozied up on an outdoor love seat.

They can’t be older than sixteen, and it’s obvious they’re in that sickeningly sweet state of puppy love that makes me smile.

“And last but certainly not least, is Jackson. Our wild child.” He points to a little boy running in circles with a golden retriever. “Take a seat and help yourself to snacks.”

With a grateful nod, I leave Derrick with Brooks and join Maura at the picnic table. Once I’m settled, I put a handful of chips on a plate, then add a dollop of dip.

“It’s nice to meet you,” I say to Maura.

She sets her phone aside. “Nice to meet you, too. It’s good to see Derrickactuallyusing the boat and doing something other than work.”

I look over my shoulder at him. He and Brooks are chatting, having migrated to the dock, both with beers in hand. As I’m watching, Jackson barrels into him, looping his arms around Derrick’s legs.

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