Page 51 of Until Then

Nothing beats watchingthe fireworks from the boat. It’s been a long afternoon, and I’m tired, but I can’t deny that it’s been nice to spend so much time with my family.

“This has been a fun day,” Izzy says from beside me. “Thanks for taking us out.”

I give her a nod. “You’re welcome.”

Her arm brushes mine, her skin still heated after hours under the sun. “I’m glad I’m here,” she says softly.

I’m glad you’re here, too.The words are on the tip of my tongue. But I swallow them back, cognizant that if I voice them, she might take it the wrong way.

When I don’t respond, she goes on, “I didn’t realize how much I was missing out on. The family stuff, you know?” She wets her lips with a swipe of her tongue. “LA isn’t a bad place. In fact, I loved my life there for a very long time, but… I don’t know. I guess I’ve realized there are certain things that mean more.”

“You don’t have to defend yourself or your choices to me. It’s okay to outgrow places and people. It doesn’t make you a bad person.”

Lowering her head, she toys with the hoodie she’s got covering her lap like a blanket. “I know. But I don’t want to let anyone down. My subscribers have always been there for me. They’ve watched me grow and they’ve cheered me on. I worry that if I decide that life isn’t for me anymore, they won’tunderstand.”

I survey the sky, taking a moment to collect my thoughts. “Undoubtedly, there will be people who don’t understand. But there will be others who love you foryou. They’ll follow you for whatever content you put out there. If you switch gears, others will discover you, too.”

“You’re right.” She turns, her face lighting a bright red as a firework bursts above us.

Her expression is laced with a sadness I’ve noticed often since she arrived. An emotion she hides so well that a lot of people, including her sister, who’s sitting at the back of the boat with my son wrapped around her, never get to see.

My chest aches with gratitude as I assess her. Because she trusts me enough to show me her true, honest self, to share that vulnerable side.

It’s hard for a person who has no one to share those pieces of themself with.

I would know.

When the fireworks come to an end, Lili lets out a groan. “That’s it? I want more!”

I stand, taking this as my cue to break the tension between Izzy and me. “Sorry, kid.” I ruffle my granddaughter’s hair as I pass her on the way to the line attached to the anchor. “That’s all until next time.”

She lets out a dramatic sigh behind me. “I hope they do more next year, then.”

Beside her daughter, Layla shakes her head, trying to hide her amusement over the things that come out of Lili’s mouth.

Once I’ve pulled the anchor, I start up the boat and head back to the dock. Reid and Via leave quickly, their laughter carrying behind them on the wind as they walk up the hill toward Brooks’s driveway. They’re wrapped up in oneanother, practically plastered together like they can’t get close enough.

I was like that once, with my wife. And fuck, I miss it. I miss having a best friend, a lover. No one would fault me for moving on, least of all her, but honestly, it’s not even her memory that keeps me at bay anymore. It’s the worry that nothing and no one will fit right.

“See you later, Dad.”

Layla’s voice breaks me out of my thoughts. She pops up on her toes and pecks my cheek.

I pull her into a hug. “I’m glad you could join us today.”

She pulls away, wearing a tiny smirk. “Us, huh?”

My gut sinks, but I keep my expression neutral and look over at Izzy. “She does live with me. We’ve sort of become a team.”

Layla follows my line of sight to Izzy, who’s picking up the boat, ensuring all our water bottles and food wrappers have been disposed of properly. “I can’t believe she’s working for you.”

I shrug. “She needed a change.”

“Yeah,” she says softly, looking at her friend. “She did.”

After one last hug from Lili, she and her mom head up the hill, too.

“And then it was just you and me, Captain,” Izzy jokes as she shuffles to the side of the boat.

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