Page 96 of Until Then

“I tried to get Reid,” Layla says, head lowered a fraction. “I didn’t want to bother you.”

My stomach drops at that. What the fuck?

“Layla,” I say, grasping her arm. “You’re not bothering me. I’m always happy to help.”

She nods, though she doesn’t meet my eye. “Thank you. I’ll probably be late. She needs me until closing.”

“It’s not a problem. If Lili needs to stay the night, that’s okay, too.”

Lips twisting, she lets out a breath through her nose. “I don’t know.”

Not wanting to be pushy, I shrug, play it cool. “The offer’s on the table. Just let me know.”

“Okay.” She inhales, her chest expanding, then finally looks up. “Thank you again, Dad.”

“You’re welcome. See you later,” I say as she heads for her car. I stand there until she drives away, my chest aching a little. The thing I’ve learned about having kids? The minute they’re born, it’s like a piece of a parent’s heart lives outside their body. And even when those children grow up and have children of their own, that feeling never goes away.

After I’ve locked the door, I go in search of Lili, finding her on the swing on the back porch, playing her game.

“Hey, kiddo.” I ruffle her hair, then take a seat in one of the Adirondack chairs.

She looks at me over the top of her game. “Are you still feeding the squirrels?”

I clasp my hands and rest my forearms on my knees, leaning toward her. “Did you think I’d stop? They’d never let me.”

As if I’ve summoned them, Peep and Tank hop out of the large tree on the right side of the yard and creep up to the back deck.

“You want to give them some snacks?”

“Yes!” Lili shuts off her game and leaps off the swing.

Once she’s got a few hazelnuts and walnuts in hand—from the stash I keep on the porch, though sometimes I spoil them with chopped up pieces of apple or celery—she crouches and slowly approaches the squirrels. They’re just as used to her as they are me. She sets the nuts in the grass and holds perfectly still. It only takes a moment before the squirrels scamper forward and snatch them. Then they take off for their tree.

Laughing, Lili turns to look at me. “My mom told me you have a girlfriend.” She stands fully then, her hands on her hips in an accusatory way. She looks so much like Layla when she was a little girl, sass and all. Layla has never revealed whoLili’s dad is, but I have to guess there are pieces of him there, too. I just can’t see them.

“She did, huh?”

“Yep.” She nods vigorously. “Does that mean you won’t have time for me anymore?”

Her question is like a swift kick to the gut.

“Lili”—I kneel on the ground so I’m at her eye-level—“I willalwayshave time for you. Having a girlfriend doesn’t change that.”

The wordgirlfriendfeels strange on my tongue. I haven’t had a “girlfriend” since I was dating my wife. And this is the first time I’ve referred to Izzy as such. Truthfully the word doesn’t even come close to quantifying the depths of my feelings.

“Mom says Izzy is your girlfriend. Is she right?” She frowns at me, but the look is one of confusion more than dismay. At least I hope it is.

“Yes.” I leave it at that for a moment, giving her a moment to say more if she wants to. When she doesn’t, I ask, “Does that bother you?”

I’d rather my granddaughter talk about her feelings than keep them bottled up inside.

“No.” Her nose crinkles. “It’s just confusing.”

“Confusing how?”

“You’re my grandpa, so you’re like… old.” She whispers the word like it’s dirty.

I suppress a laugh. Leave it to Lili to keep me humble.

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