Page 22 of Liam

"I don't see that changing," I said.

"Have you found someone more fun to play with?"

"No, I've been laying low when it comes to hookups."

"Why? We never talked about not seeing other men."

And see, that was the arrangement. It was supposed to be casual between Charlie and me. But not only had I not fucked Charlie since Jamal and I first spoke, I hadn't fucked anyone else either.

I looked at Charlie. He was stunning in a very feminine way. We'd had fun, but now, I wanted it to be over. I didn't like to think I might be using him to avoid overwhelming loneliness.

Charlie deserved better than that.

"I've had other things on my mind." It was a cop-out answer, but I was tired, and I was drunk. My brain didn't want to process how I was going to end things with Charlie.

"Can we avoid making any decisions right now?" Charlie asked.

I nodded my head in agreement. "Can I spend tonight on my own?"

"If that's what you need."

It was. I needed to think. I took a cab home on my own. Alesia, my roommate, was in the living room. "Oh, good," she said. "You're home. I want to start this new series I found."

Alesia and I both loved British crime dramas. We had a special streaming service primarily for them. I kicked off my shoes and wandered in to take a seat beside her.

"How was dinner?" she asked.

I groaned and leaned my head back against the couch cushion. "He wanted totalk."

"Oh dear."

"He was very clear at the beginning of the conversation. He isnotmy boyfriend, but he wants more from me as though I am. I'm so confused."

"You two have been arguing a lot more recently. I can hear the bickering in my room."

"Sorry about that."

"No worries. So, do you want to end things with him?"

I sighed. "I do, but I've become used to him being here."

"That's not a good base for a relationship."

"He doesn'twanta relationship. That's one thing we agree on."

"Then what the hell are you doing? You're practically playing house with him."

I looked at Alesia. "We haven't had sex in a while."

"I noticed that too. You two are noisy when you're fucking." She touched my arm. "What's going on? No sex with Charlie and you haven't brought any hookups home."

I might as well tell her.

"I'm interested in a guy. Like really interested. He doesn't even know how I feel about him, but having sex with other men feels like I'm cheating on him."

Alesia's eyebrows arched. "Wow."

"I know. It's not like me, but he's special. I want to try everything with him. The whole emotional roller coaster of feelings. When I'm with him, he brings on intense feelings of affection I've never had with anyone before. Deep in my gut, I feel almost hopeful when I'm with him."

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