Page 23 of Liam

"You need to end things with Charlie."

I hung my head. "I know."

"You're afraid this guy won't feel the same as you?" Alesia rubbed my shoulders. "Liam … are you scared to be alone? Is that why you're hesitant to let Charlie go?"

I nodded. "I felt so alone as a kid. The foster homes I was placed in were never friendly places. Especially, not for a kid who looked like me. I honestly can't count the number of times I was calledpiggyby the other kids which morphed intopimply piggyas I got older."

"Kids are cruel."

Dampness collected in my eyes. These were painful memories. It churned up my gut to speak them aloud. "I would curl up in my bed at night, wishing I wasn't alone there."

Alesia exhaled. "Explains so much." She tugged me closer, hugged me, and put her head on my shoulder. "What's his name, this guy who has you so tied up in knots?"

"Jamal." I tipped my head onto hers. "He's kind and funny. And beautiful. And he's so smart. He has this adorable habit of sharing facts about random things."

"You have some thinking to do."

I took a deep breath and straightened up. "Not tonight. Tonight, I need to be distracted. What's the series you want to start?"

"A murder mystery set on Shetland Islands."

"Perfect."

Alesia took my phone away from me to keep me from obsessing and not paying attention. We cozied up and watched the first two shows until I started nodding off. Aleisa turned off the television and nudged me into going to bed. As I lay bundled in my covers, I touched the pillow beside me, imaging Jamal being there, looking at me with those incredible eyes.

We'd cuddle close as we fell asleep.

Sunday night and I was almost late for the meeting of theSalish Sea Society. I hadn't been bartending at the pub tonight. I had the night off and I'd become overly engrossed at the gym, trying to exercise the spinning thoughts out of my mind. I knew I needed to make a decision.

I took a turn past the bar and poured myself a glass of orange juice.

Jamal didn't drink alcohol. I was going to try to do the same. My body would thank me if I remained sober. All the drinking I'd been doing had made my mind and body sluggish.

"Wet hair," Ethan commented. "Late night at the gym?"

I took my seat. "I needed to concentrate on something other than the men in my life."

"Well, that sounds interesting," Owen said. "What's up?"

"Charlie is sending me mixed signals. Pushing for things I'm not prepared to give him."

"He wants a proper relationship?" Ethan asked.

I shook my head. "No, he's been very clear he doesn't want me as a boyfriend."

"Then whatdoeshe want?"

"I think he wants me toactlike his boyfriend. He says I'm not good at communicating. That I need to work on that. And then there's the fact we're not having sex anymore."

Owen choked on his drink. "I'm sorry … what?"

I needed to share what I was feeling with the group.

"I met someone. Knowing he's out there … I don't want to touch Charlie or anyone else."

"So, you're celibate right now?" Ethan asked. "Waiting for this guy?"

"He's worth waiting for," Noah said.

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