Page 55 of The Guru: Shadow

Classist bullshit.

She knew it would end in something like that the moment Julie had told her. And now, it became a nightmare, even worse than she had expected. It made her want to drown in the Niagara Falls.

Glancing around the room, she saw all the people gazing up at Deis in complete amazement; they worshipped him. All of them. Blended and consumed by his manipulation through the beautiful chosen words and his effective use of expression and language, it was all it needed to have people believe it. Well, and to give them hope.

But she saw it – she knew what lay hidden behind that carefully curated mask. She saw the cold depth in his eyes beneath the fake smiles and sparkling glances. Oh, he was good, no question about it. Pushingpeople through their fears, making them vulnerable, ripping them open to only to hook them by their desires and needs, offering solutions for their deepest pain, letting them hope for a better life – it was a genius strategy to make people depend on it. It made them do what he wanted. None of it was the fault of the people; they just took the last straw he held out for them. And he got people admiring him out of it. People doing what he wanted, giving him their money and souls stripped bare. It was brilliant, as much as it disgusted her.

Truly a master of his art.

And nobody saw it. Nobody even questioned his intentions because he was too good. So unbelievably good at hiding what lay beneath. The intentions, in truth, have nothing to do with helping but everything with building a legacy for himself.

She had suspected, and now she knew. She saw it. Witnessed it live.

And maybe she was the only one that saw it, because she knew exactly how to put on a mask like that. Only she did not use it to exploit people, but to survive.

“Emma, how are you feeling today?” Deis suddenly asked her, and 1,500 heads turned to her. All her insides clenched, as she wanted nothing more than a hole in the mountains to hide herself in for the rest of her life.

A crew member pressed a microphone in her hand while she just stared at him, completely frozen.

He really did it.

“Emma had her shadow overwhelm her last night, and today, we’ll work through her transformation together.”

Fuck you. By all means. Fuck you to the next galaxy and back!

“Why don’t you tell us what problems you are facing in your life?”

Radio silence. The people. Her. Panic made her heart beat up to her throat.

“From what I heard yesterday, your father abused you as a child. So, tell us, how do you feel?”

Her throat tightened. He had done it. Now everyone knew. Blind rage boiled in her. So heavy, her skin felt like she was on fire.

How I feel? Are you like, mental? How do you think I feel having all those people hear it?

“Maybe it is a bit much to process right now, that’s okay, Emma. Maybe it helps you to see that you are not alone. Please, everyone, who else was abused as a child, please stand up.”

Why would he have people admit it? Push them through it in such an unsafe setting?

Glancing around, ten, fifteen, twenty, thirty, fifty, and even more people stood up. It was horrific. So many people. Abused.

“See, Emma. You are not alone. So, tell me, what are your problems in life?”

Julie gave her a nudge. “Em, do it. Give yourself a push. You are already here.”

And she didn’t know why she said it, but it just poured out of her with a shaky voice.

“N-Nothing seems t-to work out for me.” The moment she had said it, her body rolled back her shoulders automatically, as if it had to remove something, shake off that awful perception of shame and judgement.

“What is nothing, exactly?”

“Can’t keep a job, can’t finish my studies, can’t maintain relationships, and life overwhelms me in general.”

Here you go, y’all. I’m the loser.

“Who do you believe is responsible for that?” Deis asked while he walked from the stage down straight towards her.

“My parents for fucking up my life.”

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