Page 79 of Born into Chaos

“She’s just scared,” I quickly say. “Don’t hurt her. I can get her to quiet down if you step back and give me some space.”

I breathe a sigh of relief when he stands back up and grabs the chair he’d been sitting in. He drops it down in front of the door and sits in it, so he’s facing me, making it painfully obvious that there’s no way in hell I can escape without first going through him. I ignore him and stand with Samantha, kissing her head as I gently walk with her, pacing the carpet like Shane had done earlier. After a few minutes she settles down enough to take her bottle.

She’s sweaty from crying, and I know she’d sleep better if I could give her a bath, but I don’t have any of her things. I could use a shower myself, but I’m not about to let her out of my sight to do it. He already laughs every time I take her with me to use the bathroom. If I’m not letting her out of my sight for the couple of minutes it takes me to pee, then I’m sure as hell not trusting him to watch her while I jump in the shower.

Since it’s still the middle of the night, I climb back in bed with her. I curl my body around hers again and stack a couple of pillows on her other side just to be safe. Resting my head on my arm, I keep my hand on her belly while she plays with my fingers and sucks on her pacifier. I can see her clearly enough in the dim light, and I’m once again overcome with love for her. I swear I couldn’t love her any more if she were my own biological child. She’s mine. In every way that matters, she’s mine, just like Vitya is. We’ve become a family, and I’ll do anything to protect my family.

Knowing I’m going to need my strength, I eventuallydrift off to sleep when the sun starts to rise and the light outside the curtains grows brighter. I’m not sure how long I sleep, but when Samantha’s wiggling body wakes me up, the sun is bright enough to light up the whole room and Shane is standing by the window, peeking out from the side of the curtain.

Hearing me sit up, he glances over his shoulder and says, “We’re meeting them tonight.”

“There’s still time to stop this,” I try to tell him, but he just tells me to shut up and then goes back to staring out the window.

Tears cloud my eyes as I change Samantha’s diaper and get her bottle ready. Her sleep schedule is completely screwed up, and when I think about how hard Vitya and I had worked at getting her into a nice routine, the tears start to fall. I always thought I wanted an exciting nightlife, to go and hang out at clubs and do all the things that other young women get to do, but I’m not wishing for any of that now. All I want is the quiet life that I had a couple of days ago. Sitting in Vitya’s lap while we watch Samantha kick at her piano, laughing at how excited she gets, the times he’d pull me aside just so he could kiss me and leave me breathless, falling asleep and waking up in his arms, those are the things I miss and would give anything to have back.

I try to stay positive as I go through the motions of diaper changes and bottle feedings, but my heart sinks as the clock ticks down. I can’t let her go. I can’t let Shane give her to another couple. I’ll never be able to find her once she’s gone. They could take her anywhere. She’s too young to track easily, and surely they’re going to have fake documents made. They’ll all have new identities, and we’ll have no way of knowing what they are or how to find them.

My lungs feel tight and too small, and no matter how hard I try to fake it, Samantha can sense something is wrong. She’s unusually fussy, and by the time Shane says it’s time to get ready, I can tell he’s more than a little annoyed at having been stuck in the small motel room with her all day.

“Don’t you even feel a little bit guilty?” I ask him, unable to comprehend how anyone can be so callous.

He glances at Samantha, but there’s no emotion on his face other than irritation. “No. I never wanted her. I told Dana to get an abortion, but she wouldn’t listen to me. At first I thought she wanted to keep her and raise her on her own, but then she started talking about how people will pay a lot of money for a healthy baby.”

I can’t hide my disgust when I say, “Her own mother wanted to sell her?”

Shane shrugs while throwing the rest of his food into a plastic bag. He’d never offered to share any, and I hadn’t asked. The mere thought of food makes me feel queasy.

“Dana was practical. She knew we needed the money more than we needed a baby.”

“What happened to her?”

“Drug overdose. I had to leave for a couple of days. Alan was supposed to be watching them.”

“You know Samantha almost died, right? Vitya found her in a closet next to her dead mother. She was barely alive. You’re a shit dad, and you never deserved her.”

He doesn’t seem even slightly offended by my comments. “It’s not like Dana and I were in love. She was a girl I fucked, and then she was a girl who gave me a great idea. Alan was supposed to watch them, but even if those fuckers hadn’t come in and killed them all, I was due home that night. I got there a little after that killer you’re so in love with showed up. I knew something was wrong, so I parked down the street and watched. Some psycho with a mask came out and drove off, and then I watched as another man left, this one obviously hiding something in his jacket. I knew he had my daughter, so I followed him.”

“You were watching the whole time?”

“I couldn’t get into the apartment building, but then you all left, making it easy for me. I followed you to the grocery store and then stuck a tracker on your SUV. After that all I had to do was wait for the right time.”

He gives a soft laugh and adds, “I didn’t think it was going tohappen. That man keeps a very close watch on you, but then I found the open window above the trellis.”

I bite back the angry yell I want to give at the mention of the trellis. I swear I’m tearing that thing down the first chance I get. I can’t believe my means of escape with Natalya has been used against me like this. The thought sickens me, but Shane keeps talking, completely oblivious or more likely completely uncaring about the knife he’s twisting in my chest.

“I was hiding upstairs while he fucked you against the wall like a goddamn animal, and then I waited while you ate supper and played family with my daughter.” He looks over at me, disgust written all over his face. “And then you came out to give her a bottle, giving me the perfect chance to grab you both. I only needed her, but this worked out better. I didn’t want to deal with a screaming baby.”

The thought of this man hiding in the house, listening to a moment that was beautiful and intimate and just for Vitya and me, makes me feel sick. I can’t help but be grateful that I decided to stay in the living room that night, though. If he had managed to sneak into our room while we slept and to steal Samantha from her crib, I’m not sure Vitya and I would’ve survived it, and if it had been Vitya in the kitchen that night and Shane had panicked and shot him in the back of his head while he was feeding her, I know I wouldn’t have survived it. If anyone had to be taken, I’m glad it was me. Looking down at Samantha, all I can feel is relief that she’s not here alone, that I’m at least able to take care of her and comfort her.

“Let’s go.” Shane grabs my arm, and I quickly grab the diaper bag and blanket before he yanks me out the door.

When we step out, I’m hit in the face by a cold wind that has me bundling the blanket around Samantha to try and protect her from it. With her body pressed tightly against mine, I shield her from the wind as best I can while Shane pulls me to his truck. The parking lot in front of the motel is as dead as it was last night when I’d tried to make a run for it. What few guests are here are already in their rooms and asleep for the night. I highly doubt any of them could help me anyway. They’djust get shot for trying, and this situation is bad enough without innocent blood on my hands.

“You don’t have to do this,” I say, pleading with him again once we’re in the truck and turning onto the highway. “Just let us go, and I swear you’ll get however much money you want.”

“Shut the fuck up, Svetlana. Your part in this is almost done anyway. Be nice and I might let you go.”

Samantha’s car seat is buckled in between us, and I keep my hand on her chest while my mind races to come up with a solution that will get us out of here.

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