Page 108 of Born into Chaos

We leave with far more than we came with because it turns out Vitaly bought two saucer seats because he knew Sveta wanted one. It never even occurs to me to tell him he doesn’t need to spoil Samantha, because I hope like hell he always does. I want that sweet little girl to have everything she could ever possibly need or want. We’ll all make sure she doesn’t grow up to be a brat about it. I’m convinced she can remain sweet and spoiled.

By the time we’re loaded up in the elevator, Samantha is rubbing at her eyes and more than ready for her crib. Sveta and I are quiet for the short ride down, and when the doors open, I glance down the hall to make sure it’s empty before we make our way to our door. Sveta’s carrying enough to ensure I have a hand free if I need to reach my gun, but everything is quiet as I unlock our door and we step inside.

“Here, I’ll get her ready for bed,” she says, setting the giant saucer activity center down and reaching for our daughter. I watch her walk off, unable to get a read on what she’s thinking. I tolerate it for about ten minutes before I can’t take it anymore and I go in search of her. She’s in the hall bathroom, amusing Samantha with a rubber ducky while she gets her cleaned up.

“You’re killing me,” I finally say, pressing my shoulder against the doorway while I watch them.

She turns her honey-brown eyes up to me. “About?”

When she sees the look on my face, she laughs. “It’s kind of cute when you get all flustered.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Would you please tell me how you’re feeling about all this?”

“About us being married and officially having a daughter, you mean?”

“Yes,” I manage to say in a normal tone instead of the growl I want to give.

She smiles down at Samantha. “I’m relieved. I’ve been worried that somehow the truth of who she is would come back to hurt us in some way, and it scares me to think of someone trying to take her from us.”

“I would never let that happen,” I quickly say.

“I know you wouldn’t, but it’s still scary, and the birth certificate is just a nice assurance that it can’t happen.” She rinses Samantha’s hair and asks, “Do you think it’s wrong to keep it from her?”

I sigh because the same worries have been running through my head. “I really don’t know,” I admit. “Part of me wants to protect her from all that, to shield her from the truth of who her birth parents were and what they’d planned to do to her, but then another part of me feels like it’s wrong, like she has a right to know.”

Squatting down by her side, I smile at Samantha and let her grip my finger when she reaches for it. “How about we agree to wait and decide when she’s older? We raise her as our own, surrounding her with more love than she knows what to do with, and then when she’s older, we can decide what we think is best.”

“Sounds good,” Sveta agrees. “I think it’ll just confuse her when she’s younger anyway. We’re the only parents she’s going to know or remember. I just want her to feel loved. I don’t want to say anything that’s going to make her feel unwanted or like she doesn’t belong.”

Samantha lets out another squeal and splashes in the water while she uses the rubber ducky as a teether. Her happiness is contagious, and the smile I give her comes easily. Turning my head, I look at Sveta.

“And how do you feel about the other thing?”

The corner of her mouth lifts in a grin. “You mean how do I feel about the fact that we’re married?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I feel kind of shortchanged, to be honest. We’ve been married for over a year, and I spent most of it in an extreme state of sexual frustration.”

“You? I’m surprised I didn’t go crazy from it. I think I was close a few times, especially during the summer when you went swimming and then insisted on walking around in your bikini. I swear you were actively trying to kill me.”

She smiles even bigger. “I was. I was trying to get you to stop being so stubborn and to act on what you were feeling.”

I cup her face and kiss her. “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“You better.”

I smile at her tone and ask, “Do you want a wedding?”

She turns back to Samantha and starts to dry her off. “I don’t know. I want to do something, because right now it doesn’t feel real, but an actual wedding ceremony isn’t going to change how I feel about you. I would like to get a dress and celebrate with my family, though. I want photos and the memories of it, but I’m fine without an actual ceremony. Unless you want one. Do you?”

“I’ve always felt married to you,” I admit with a laugh. “Since the night you saved my life, I’ve thought of you as mine. I was faithful to you in every way before we were even a couple, and reciting vows in front of everyone isn’t going to change anything for me. You’ve always been mine, and you’ll always be mine. Nothing can change that.”

Her eyes soften at my words. “That’s really sweet, Vitya. I do still get a ring, though, right?”

“You’re definitely getting a ring, a big one. I’ve had to stand back and pretend long enough. I’m more than ready to let the world know you’re mine.” I hand Sveta a fresh diaper and Samantha’s pink sleeper and say, “Maybe we should go to your favorite art store.”

She laughs and puts the diaper on a wiggling Samantha. “I can’t believe you’re still hung up on that.”

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