Page 47 of Born into Chaos

I kiss Samantha’s head but keep my eyes on Sveta, enjoying theheated look she’s giving me and the way she can’t stop fidgeting. I’ve always tried so hard to keep distance between us, and I know that we’ll inevitably have to go back to that, but right now I’m really enjoying the effect I have on her.

“Stop gloating and lay down, Vitya,” she says, and I smile at her grumpy tone.

Keeping Samantha pressed against me, I carefully get into bed, scooting over until I’m in the middle where Sveta set the pillows up. I pat Samantha’s butt and lay down so I’m slightly elevated and she’s nestled against my chest. She’s not crying quite as fiercely, and a flicker of hope rises inside me. Sveta climbs in bed, scooting next to us, and when she brushes her finger over Samantha’s tear-stained cheek, she lets out a shaky breath and calms down even more. Sveta presses the pacifier against her lips, and we both let out a sigh of relief when she takes it and doesn’t immediately spit it back out again.

The silence is deafening after listing to her scream for so long, and I’m terrified it’s going to start back up again. I keep gently patting her butt while she fights to keep her eyes open. When Sveta starts to lean back to rest her head on the pillow, Samantha’s eyes widen and she lets out what sounds suspiciously like the beginnings of another scream.

“Don’t you dare move,” I whisper.

Sveta freezes in place, and I know her neck must be sore, so I open my arm and bite back a smile at how quickly she nestles up against me. Her head rests on my shoulder, putting her face close to Samantha’s, and when she sees it, the cry she was about to give dies in her throat. Sveta hooks her leg over mine and brings her hand up to brush a strand of Samantha’s hair off her forehead before pulling the blankets up so she doesn’t get cold.

My arms are wrapped around them both, the two girls in my life that have completely stolen my heart, and I can’t keep either one of them. Grief hits me hard, the kind I haven’t felt since my brother died. My instinct is to get up and put as much distance between me and them as I can, but I can’t risk upsetting Samantha, so I’m forced to lay here and feel my heart slowly break while her small body rests on mineand Sveta’s soft breaths hit my neck. It’s a torture unlike anything I’ve ever known, and I’m not sure how I’m going to survive it.

While they both sleep, I lie awake and hold them. I’m exhausted and their combined body heat is nearly doing me in, but there’s no way I can risk moving, and I’m too afraid Samantha will fall off my chest and get hurt if I give in to sleep. I close my eyes, drifting in and out of the lightest sleep while Sveta snores softly in my ear.

As soon as I feel Samantha start to stir, my hand automatically starts patting her butt again. I’m not sure when all these reactions became automatic, but it’s like instincts I never knew I had are being brought to the surface. She sighs in her sleep and sucks on her pacifier. It appeases her for another hour, but her hungry belly finally forces her eyes open.

“Easy, little one,” I whisper, trying to scoot us both out of bed without waking Sveta. I’m not sure why I worried, Svetlana is a deep sleeper, and when she feels me move, all she does is groan in irritation and then hug the pillow I was just resting against. She’s already back to snoring softly by the time I’m standing and carrying Samantha out of the room.

I’m so tired I can barely keep my eyes open, but I push through it and get her bottle ready. Sitting on the couch, I feed her and smile when she grabs onto my finger.

“Feeling better?” I ask her while she kicks her feet. All signs of her earlier distress are gone. She’s back to her good-natured, happy self.

“Please don’t ever do that to us again. You had me worried.”

She smiles around her bottle, clearly enjoying the sound of my voice, so I keep talking while she finishes the last of her formula.

“I think my brother would’ve liked you. He always had a soft spot for cute things.” I keep my voice low as I tell her about my younger brother. It’s the first time I’ve talked to anyone about him, and even though Samantha doesn’t understand a single word coming out of my mouth, she keeps her brown eyes on mine and squeezes my finger while I tell her how Seryozha used to always carry around scraps of food to feed the stray animals on our street.

By the time her bottle is empty, I feel like I’ve talked more in the last day than I have in the last few months. I pat her back and kiss her cheek. Her sweet baby scent is so familiar to me now, and I can’t imagine handing her over to someone else. How could I ever trust someone else to take care of her? What if they get impatient with her? What if they don’t ever pick her up and show her love?

The mere thought of putting her back in a situation like the one she was in when I found her makes me feel sick. There’s no way I’m going to be able to let her go.

Samantha burps in my ear and kicks her feet in excitement as if sensing my thoughts.

“Yeah, yeah,” I tell her, “don’t gloat too much, little one. I still haven’t figured out how in the hell I’m going to make this happen.”

She smiles up at me when I lay her down to change her diaper, appearing to have complete confidence in my ability to sort this shit out. I hope she’s right, because I can’t stomach the idea of letting her down.

“I can’t promise it’s going to work,” I warn her. She gives me a huge grin, the kind that lights up her whole cute face, and I know I’ll do whatever the hell I have to in order to keep her with me.

“Now we just need to convince Vitaly to let me have his daughter,” I tell her as I button her sleeper back up. “That should be easy, right? Maybe he won’t want to cut off my favorite body part if you give him one of your cute smiles.”

She kicks her feet and keeps smiling. I notice her energy and sigh. “Please tell me you’re still tired. You’re killing me, Samantha.”

She latches onto her pacifier when I bring it to her lips and then pick her up. Her small body settles against mine as I gently rock her and slowly walk back to the bedroom. I’m not at all surprised to find Sveta sprawled out on the large bed. She’s kicked the blankets off, and her short shorts have ridden up, revealing one perfect ass cheek.

“Jesus,” I groan, “between the two of you, I’m going to lose my mind.”

I hold Samantha for a few more minutes until her eyes close andshe drifts off to sleep. When I put her in the crib, I nearly cry with relief when she doesn’t wake up and start screaming. With any luck, I might be able to get three uninterrupted hours of sleep.

A man can dream.

Too exhausted to worry about how much bed space Svetlana is taking up, I get in under the covers, knowing I’ll be asleep in seconds. I’m careful to not make a fucking sound, but she somehow senses my presence, and before I can even think about putting up a pillow barricade, she’s throwing her leg over mine and snuggling up against me again, molding her body to mine in a way that makes it hard for me to think about anything other than fucking her.

The only thing that keeps me from acting on my need is the fact that Samantha has so thoroughly worn me out after several nights of sleep deprivation. My fatigue wins the battle against my painful erection, and I finally fall asleep. My dreams are a vivid montage of sexual encounters with a naked and very willing Sveta. At one point I’m almost pulled from my dream, but I let out an annoyed grunt and pull her body against mine, burying my face in her hair and breathing in her sweet vanilla scent until my dream takes me under again.

When I finally do open my eyes, I’m surprised to find myself alone. The bed is empty and so is the crib. My first thought is blind panic as I throw the covers off and grab my gun. Running from the room, I don’t stop until I reach the kitchen and see Sveta calmly preparing Samantha’s morning bottle.

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