Page 31 of Empire of Flame and Thorns

“I don’t—” I try again.

“Like come on,” the guy says, interrupting me. “We’ve had two unofficial tests already. When are the real trials going to begin?”

The others hum in agreement and nod. I close my mouth and instead just do the same.

While they continue talking about the upcoming trials, I simply stand there and sip from my glass and nod at the appropriate times.

After a while, the discussion moves on to the topic of clothes. And more specifically, why everyone is dressed in the same color.

“It makes us look ridiculous,” the black-haired guy says, and shakes his head.

“Right?” a woman with turquoise and brown eyes fills in. “I feel like a little kid in school or something.”

“And why does it even have to be silver anyway?” He turns and runs a hand down his stomach while a mischievous grin lurks on his lips. “It makes me look fat.”

The others chuckle and elbow him in exasperation at the obvious joke.

Since I’m pretty sure that they don’t want to know the real reason, at least not right now when they’re happy and joking, I add softly, “Maybe it’s so that they can find us by simply shining a bright light on all of this reflective material.”

The blond fae woman looks over at me in surprise, but no one else seems to have heard my joke. She turns back to the group.

“Maybe it’s so that they can find us by simply shining a bright light on all of this reflective material,” she says, echoing my words but in a louder voice.

Laughter ripples through the air, and the guy opposite her even chokes on his drink.

A kind of empty numbness spreads through my chest as I stare at the blond woman. She doesn’t even look at me. Instead, she laughs and winks at the others in response to the appreciative smiles that they bathe her with.

I open my mouth to tell them that it was my joke, but I manage to stop myself before the words can actually leave my mouth. It would only make me sound petty. So instead, I heave a deep sigh and empty my glass.

“Are you always this quiet?”

Starting in surprise, I look up to find the black-haired guy watching me from the other side of the group. This is the first time he has even looked at me since I joined them. My deep sigh must have finally drawn his attention.

“It’s just, you came over and joined us a while ago,” he continues, his brows furrowed. “But you haven’t actually said anything. So, you know, I’m just curious. Are you tired? Or do you just normally not talk all that much?”

Everyone turns towards me. Candlelight glints in their drinks and sparkles in their bejeweled silver garments as they cock their heads and wait for me to answer.

That numb emptiness in my chest swells until I feel like it’s going to swallow me whole.

Drawing in a breath, I abruptly set my now empty glass down on the table. “Sorry, I think I just need to get some air.”

Before they can reply, I start walking in a direction where I hope there might be a window. Their murmured voices, discussing my behavior, hang in the air behind me. I try my best to block them out.

Music from the group of dragon shifters in the corner fills the large ballroom and mixes with the sound of laughter and chatter and the swishing of clothing. It all presses against me. I feel like I’m drowning. I just need some air. And a few minutes to myself.

Drawing in deep breaths, I escape out into one of the large hallways connected to the ballroom. It’s empty, and more importantly, there are two windows at the end of it. I run towards them.

My fingers fumble several times, but I finally manage to get the hatch open.

Cool night air washes over me as I throw the window open.

I drag in a deep breath, filling my lungs. The air tastes like night mist and damp soil and fallen leaves. Closing my eyes, I just remain there for a minute, breathing in the fresh air and clearing my head.

The irony of it all is not lost on me. I can manipulate other people’s emotions, but I don’t even have control over my own. Everything would be so much easier if I could use my magic on myself. But unfortunately, I can’t. So I’m forced to deal with messy feelings and real life just like everyone else.

Once the ache in my heart and the embarrassment in my chest have subsided, I close the window and brush my hands down my dress to smooth it down. While fixing my hair again, I try to boost my confidence. I can do this. I only need to win the trials. It doesn’t matter if I fail at making friends at a stupid ball.The only thing that matters is winning the Atonement Trials. And I don’t need to do well at this ball for that.

After giving myself a decisive nod, I turn around and start back towards the ballroom.

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