Page 21 of The Scarlet Alchemist

I raised the blade at the crowd of gawking alchemists, who flinched back, retreating. I turned to the judges and the stunned official in yellow, still holding the brush in his shaking hand. Ten tally marks had been painted across the board. I was too late.

“Damn all of you!”I said to them, tearing away my wristband, hurling it to the ground, then grinding it under my heel.

“Who the hell is she?” I heard one of the judges whisper, cowering away.

I hurled my blade at their feet. One of the judges screamed and threw up his hands to shield his face as the knife staked itself in the dirt.

“Fan Zilan,” I said.

“Zilanxiaojie,” one of the judges said, raising his trembling hands, “please—”

“Go to hell,” I said, stomping toward them. They shrieked and cowered, but I only snatched my bag of stones from their table and turned away. I grabbed a jacket from a spectator, who bowed and apologized as I tore it from her shoulders, then stormed off to wait for the next merchant cart back to Guangzhou, where I could say goodbye to my dream of ever becoming a royal alchemist.

“Stop!” I said as Yufei sloshed another bucket of freezing water over me. I stood in our backyard at sunset in only my underwear. “That’s enough!”

Yufei tossed me a rag and I caught it with trembling hands, then scrubbed the blood from my face. Wenshu had nearly passed out when he saw me waiting for him and Yufei in the city center in nothing but a blood-drenched undershirt, and hadn’t let me into the house until I cleaned up.

“You missed a spot,” Yufei said, snatching the rag and scouring the back of my neck. My teeth chattered, but I let her finish.

Even though my bloodstained, half-naked appearance had certainly soaked up all the attention upon our reunion, I hadn’t missed how gray Wenshu and Yufei had looked after their test, lips cracked and eyes shadowed. They both said it had been “fine” but the word felt too careful, too rehearsed.

“Are you not allowed to discuss it?” I’d said, after ten minutes of them avoiding eye contact.

Wenshu shook his head. “Zilan, I don’t know how I did,” he said. “It’s like I spent a year in a cave and only just saw sunlight. Maybe it was fine, or maybe I don’t know what words are anymore.”

It was the most humble Wenshu had ever sounded about his own abilities, so I stopped asking questions, and neither him nor Yufei had offered any more information.

Yufei wrapped me in a blanket and led me back inside, where Wenshu peeled himself from bed and stood in the hallway long enough for me to get dressed in our room, then the three of us lay unmoving on our backs like garbage washed up on the shore.

“I’m going to kill all of them,” Yufei said, once I finally told her and Wenshu the details of my test. Wenshu crossed his arms and glared accusingly at the wall.

“I’ll cut all their greasy fingers off and make them swallow them,” Yufei said. “I’ll—”

“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “It’s done. I failed.”

“You got out of the cage,” Wenshu said, frowning. “Was that not the test?”

“I wasn’t fast enough,” I said.

“Maybe they’ll make an exception?”

I huffed and gripped my blanket. “Don’t you get it?” I said. “They didn’t want me there! They wouldn’t even take my name! What are they going to do, writehùnxieon the results list?”

“Only one of us needs to pass,” Yufei said. “The rest can follow and get other jobs in Chang’an.”

Wenshu made a face but didn’t argue. He knew as well as I did that wasn’t exactly true. Life in Chang’an was expensive, far more than in the south. We would need high salaries if we hoped to both live somewhere decent and send money home to Auntie and Uncle. It was pointless to move to the capital just to be merchants again.

They were both looking at me like I was just another question on their test to figure out, and I knew what they were thinking:Do we go to Chang’an without her?

Maybe they would pretend to ponder it for a few days out of courtesy, but eventually I would tell them to go. What kind of monster would I be to make them stay?

I would have to remain at home and work in the shop. Wenshu and Yufei together would probably have enough money to afford a real doctor for Uncle and Auntie, and maybe even some food. If that didn’t work, I could sell myself as a bride. Maybe if Auntie So advertised me as “Fan Yufei’s little sister” and I wore enough makeup, I could trick someone my age into marrying me before they realized what I really was.

A wave of bitterness rushed through me like sickness and I rolled over onto my side in bed, unable to look at my cousins any longer. We’d all worked equally as hard for our future in Chang’an. But in the end, they’d had their chance, and I hadn’t even been allowed to try.

Eventually, they blew out the candles. Yufei pulled the blanket over both of us and threw her arms over me, but I lay stiff beneath her touch, unfairly furious with her. Why did she deserve parents and beauty and a chance at her dreams, while I got nothing at all?

By morning, my anger had drained away and I felt like a ravaged sea vessel, its treasures spilled out into the ocean, just rotting wood bobbing in dark waters. A good sister would have gone with Wenshu and Yufei to the town center, where the list of second-round candidates would be posted. But instead I just lay in bed and told them I didn’t feel well, even though all of us knew it was a lie.

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