Page 100 of The Blood Orchid

As he reached for the doorknob, the shadows fell in stripes across his back, and I was struck with the feeling that this was the last time I’d ever see him. I’d felt that same strange premonition the day I’d left Auntie So and Uncle Fan back in Guangzhou, the same childish fear that once they were out of my sight, they’d vanish forever.

But today, that was a real possibility.

“Wait,” I said.

Wenshu hesitated, his hand on the doorknob, looking over his shoulder as he waited for me to speak.

Don’t go, I wanted to say, even though I knew how childish it would sound. But I had never gotten to be a child. Just this once, I wished I could sit here in my brother’s arms and let someone else fight monsters in my place.Stay here with me, so there will be no last time for us, I wanted to say.I don’t want to ever say goodbye to you again.

“Alchemy relies on the intentions of the alchemist,” I said instead, the words stiff, practiced from my studies with the Moon Alchemist.

Wenshu raised an eyebrow. “Is this really the time for an alchemy lesson?” he said. “I’m not sure how this is relevant to me.”

“You said that I didn’t choose you,” I said quietly, and I could sense from the sudden stillness in his posture that he knew exactly what I was talking about. “I don’t always know what’s in my heart,” I said. “It’s the reason Durian’s a duck. I wasn’t consciously trying to make a duck, but I was thinking so much about the prince and his overfed ducks with ridiculous names, and some part of me must have found it endearing enough thatI wanted a duck of my own.” I chanced a glance up at Wenshu, whose expression was unchanged. I took a deep breath.

“When I went to the river of souls that day,” I said, “I didn’t know whether I was going to bring you or Hong back at first.”

Wenshu’s face twitched, and I knew it was probably the wrong thing to say, but there was no going back now. “I love him,” I said. “I love both of you, and I shouldn’t have had to choose.”

Wenshu shook his head, turning back to the door. “I don’t want to hear about—”

“Alchemy knows what’s in your heart,” I said, ignoring him. “Youare my heart, and that’s why you’re here now.”

Slowly, he turned back to me. “I forced you,” he whispered. “You don’t have to lie to me. I know you love the prince more.”

I stepped down from the throne, because I didn’t want to talk to him as the Empress, but as his sister. “The way I love Hong is different,” I said, gently taking his hand. “I wouldn’t have been able to resurrect you if it wasn’t what I wanted the most. I could have dragged you all the way to the surface and knocked on the door until my fingers broke, but it never would have opened. It is alchemically impossible for me to love you less than Hong, because you’re here.”

Wenshu’s lip twitched with the ghost of a smile. “You’re using science to prove your point now?”

“Is it working?”

Wenshu let out a stiff laugh. The sadness had smoothed out of his features, but he still looked distant.

“You have been with me all my life,” I whispered. “I can’t imagine a world where you don’t exist. I don’t want to live in that world.”

“Really?” Wenshu whispered, the most delicate word I hadever heard him say. My heart broke for how uncertain he sounded, like he truly feared my answer.

“Yes,” I said. “Promise me that I’ll never have to live that way again.”

At once, he closed the distance between us and wrapped his arms around me, crushing me against his chest. That was how I knew, in a way words could never express, that he understood.

“I won’t leave you,” he said. “Not for anything.”

I laughed, hugging him tighter. “You’ve already died on me twice.”

“Well, nobody’s perfect,” he said. “And one of those times was arguably your fault.”

I pulled back and smacked his shoulder.

“You’re starting to take after Yufei,” he said, grimacing and massaging his arm.

“What about me?”

We both turned to Yufei, who had stuck her head through the door.

“Nothing, just that you’re unreasonably strong,” Wenshu said, turning to her.

“Thanks,” she said, shrugging. “Come on, if you want to be out of here before Gaozong comes, we have to go.”

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