Page 112 of The Blood Orchid

Take me to Penglai Island, I thought, with all the authority of an empress. I flooded my mind with intention, feeding the river with the kindling of that deep and desperate want—the River Alchemist and Paper Alchemist laughing with me in the courtyard, Hong kneeling before me and clasping the ring in my hands, Zheng Sili blushing furiously when I caught him walking Durian. The river began to surge around me, the storms within the jewels spinning faster.

My chest felt light, like I was full of brightness instead of bones, only tethered to the ground by the weight of my shoes. I was so perilously close to unwinding all of my mistakes, healing all the scars I’d left on the world. I saw the River Alchemist ripped to pieces, organs spilled across gold tiles, Hong’s throat weeping blood and eyes darkening, the smashed grape in my hand that was all that remained of Zheng Sili.

The rings began to heat up, scalding my fingers. I plunged my hand deeper into the river, hoping its coolness would soothe the burn, but the heat only grew, searing down to the bone. I was clutching a comet in my hands as it devoured my flesh.

I yanked my hand away from the river and landed on my back in the hallway, the tiles beneath me melted into a pool of liquid gold and black sludge. I tore the burning rings from my hand and tossed them to the floor, where they spun in glittering circles.

Wenshu and Yufei grabbed my arms and dragged me out of the pool of melted gold onto a patch of clean tile, both shouting questions at once that I didn’t know how to answer.

I pressed my palms to the cool floor, soothing the ghost of a burn.

Yufei seized my wrist, examining my palm, but it was clean and unscarred. “What happened?” she said.

“I don’t know,” I said, my voice shaking. “It... it didn’t work.”

“What do you mean,it didn’t work?” Wenshu said, expression sliding into a frown.

“I mean I messed it up and it spit me back out!” I said, yanking my hand from Yufei.

“I don’t understand,” Wenshu said. “We have all the stones, don’t we? So what’s the problem?”

I clenched my fist, hanging my head and biting back the words I wanted to scream at him. “Me,” I said at last, the word so small that I wasn’t sure if he would even hear it.

“What does that mean?” Wenshu said, not even bothering to hide the impatience in his voice. Of course he was tired of waiting for me to fix everything—he wanted his body back, his life back, and I was supposed to give it to him. I was the Scarlet Alchemist, pride of the south, the youngest royal alchemist in Chang’an, and I was supposed to be able to do anything.

“It meansI can’t do it!” I said.

Yufei blinked quickly, tilting her head like she didn’t understand. Of course she didn’t. None of them understood.

“Of course you can,” Wenshu said, rolling his eyes like I was just a child throwing a tantrum. “You’re a royal alchemist, you—”

“I’m not good enough!” I said, the words I’d been terrified to admit ever since we’d set out for Penglai. For so long, I’d clung to that hope of fixing everything I’d ruined, wiping my past clean. But I was more destructive than any private army, for every time I created, I destroyed ten times as much. “You have no idea how advanced this alchemy is,” I said. “I don’t know if the Moon Alchemist could even do it.”

“Why didn’t you say so?” Wenshu said, his scowl deepening. “If you didn’t think you could actually get to Penglai, then what the hell have we been doing the last few weeks?”

“What else was I supposed to do?” I said, tears pooling in my eyes. “I have to fix everything I’ve ruined or I...” My hands twitched, wanting to grab something, but there was nothing but melted gold and scattered rings. I gripped my hair, wishing I could tear it out, but a hand gently pulled my wrist and fingers laced with mine.

Yufei knelt in front of me, the Empress’s clean skirts soaking through with melted gold. “You’re supposed to tell your jiejie when you don’t know what to do,” she said.

I shook my head. “I thought maybe, with Zheng Sili, we could do it together. But I don’t think I can do it alone.”

“You’re not alone,” Yufei said. Then she scooped the rings from the floor and slipped the red diamond onto her finger.

“What are you doing?” I said.

She tossed one ring to Wenshu, who caught it with a frown, then handed the third to me.

“You told me that using three people makes a transformation more stable,” she said. “You told me your alchemy could run through us for your resurrections.”

“Yes, but I understood resurrections,” I said. “This is dangerous.”

“If it’s dangerous, then why the hell were you doing it alone?” Wenshu said, jamming the ring onto his finger. “You’re the youngest. We’re supposed to protect you, not the other way around.”

He grabbed Yufei’s hand, then held his other hand out to me, gesturing impatiently until I took it. Yufei held my other hand, and the three of us knelt in the wet pool of gold.

“Do it again,” Wenshu said.

I hesitated, my palms damp between them. “What if—”

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