Page 26 of The Holiday Exchange

I make a promise to myself.

Before Friday night ends, Iwilltell Kayla how I feel. And I will ask her out on a real date. I don’t know how she’ll respond. I’ll probably spend most of the week making brain dump lists to try to calm my anxiety and stop the overthinking cycle, but I can’t let that stop me. All I can do is take the leap and hope I don’t land on my face.

14

KAYLA

When I see my screen light up with a call from Mom while I’m packing up after school I almost growl in aggravation. I’ve been in a bad mood all week and I doubt talking to my mother will improve it. But she never calls, so I decide to answer in case something is wrong.

“Hey, Mom.” I infuse my voice with as much cheer as I can muster.

“Hi, honey. Your sister asked me to call and let you know your niece arrived safely this afternoon.”

“Really? Oh, that’s wonderful!” My enthusiasm is genuine now. A niece! How exciting. “What did they name her?”

“Halle Rose.”

“Aww, that’s beautiful. How’s Renee?”

“She’s doing well. Tired, but well.”

“Good. Will you send me some pictures?”

“Certainly. Or you could just come for a visit.”

“I will, Mom, once school lets out for Christmas break. Only tonight and then two more school days.”

“Oh, that’s right, your Christmas pageant is tonight.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you alright? You don’t sound as excited as last time we talked about it.”

“I am excited, it’s just…” Just that I’m tired. And every time we rehearsed this week, I could barely keep my eyes off the wooden fireplace and my mind off Trevor. I sent him a message to let him know what time the play is and that Annie would save him a seat down front. He responded with a single thumbs-up emoji, so I guess that means he’s still coming but who knows?

I sink into the chair behind my desk and lean back against the headrest, closing my eyes. “I just have a lot on my plate. I’m ready for a break.”

“Maybe you’ve been working too hard.” Mom hesitates for a moment. “I know I’ve always encouraged you to focus on your career, but I’ve been remembering lately that there’s more to life than work. Maybe it’s time for you to slow down a little, find a young man, and start a family like your sister.”

I sit straight up in my chair. It’s all I can do not to scream. “Do you always have to do that?”

“Do what?”

“Compare me to Renee. I am and have always been my own person. I have my own life and my own way of doing things. And there actually is a guy that I like a lot, but it doesn’t look like he’s interested in me so even if I wanted to, it will probably be a while before I can follow Renee’s example.” I stop, my chest heaving with emotion.

She’s silent for so long I look at my phone to see if we’re still connected. Finally, she responds.

“I never meant to compare the two of you. I’m sorry if my comment came across the wrong way.”

I heave a sigh. “I know you don’t mean to Mom, but you still do it even if you don’t realize it. It’s been happening since we were kids. I’m tired of living in Renee’s shadow.”

“I…I never knew you felt that way.”

“Well, I never told you. I figured if I could make my own way, have my own accomplishments, maybe you’d be proud of me.”

“I am proud of you. I’ve always been proud. I’m sorry you didn’t know that.”

I pause for a beat, taking this in. She’s proud of me. “Thanks, Mom.”

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