Page 91 of Siege of Blood and Betrayal

“Youcan,” he says too quickly.

“Zane, I need you toreallyunderstand what this is costing me.” I swallow against the wave of bile that pushes up the back of my throat. “I was shattered when you pushed me away. You could’ve told me you were struggling. You could’ve shared your secrets with me.”

He pegs me with a pained expression. “If I could do it over, Scots, I would.” I hear the truth in his words and see it there, swimming in his glassy eyes.

“You didn’t trust me enough to tell me what you were dealing with and that breaks my heart even now. I thought we had it all and were ready to be more than best friends and partners in crime. I believed in us.”

He blinks fast, but the tears well and fall despite his best attempts. “I should’ve told you—no question. But when I came out on the other side of things and tried to make it right, you wouldn’t even see me. You shut me out and refused to let me explain.”

I squeeze his hands. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t an easy transition for me, leaving everyone I loved behind. Grave decisions were made, and bad shit went down. I suffered because of that and blamed it all on you, too.”

He opens his mouth to ask, and I shake my head. “We’re not going into it. That’s not why I’m here. I’m telling you so you can understand what you did was more than hurt my feelings by turning me away. My identity was so wrapped up in you that when you broke us, I didn’t know who I was. I won’t allow that to happen again. Not for you or anyone.”

Zane pushes back his chair and drops to his knees in front of me. He wipes his face with the sleeve of his shirt and blinks up at me through his tears. Damn, the agony in those eyes spears me right into my battered soul.

“I understand you’re not the same girl, Scots. I see you. You’re stronger, tougher, but you’re still my girl. Somewhere inside you, my best friend is hiding in the shadows. I need her. Our fathers were murdered, and I don’t know how to do this without you. I’m lost and alone and need my compass.”

It’s crazy. As unsure as I was that I could ever let go of the pain of his rejection, the moment I forgive him, the weight of itstops suffocating me. I’m not over it, but dwelling on the hurt has stolen more from me than I care to admit.

Zane has collapsed forward into my lap and is rambling about hating himself and everything about his life.

I run a gentle hand over the back of his shirt and into his hair. It’s just as soft as I remember. “I’m here, Z. It took me a while, but I’m here.”

We stay like that for a long time, both of us purging the pain of the past with tears and healing hugs. Then, when our tears dry up, he straightens on his knees, and I ease back from our hug. “If we do this, we’re partners. You don’t leave me behind. You don’t hide things from me. And you don’t decide what’s best for me. Don’t fuck this up, Zane. I mean it.”

He eases back, his face blotchy. “I won’t. I’ll earn it all back, you’ll see. I may be a dumbass, but I’m not stupid.”

I take a steadying breath and wipe my cheeks. “No, you’re not. So, despite what we were and what you want us to be, I need you to realize that Tucker isn’t going anywhere. I care about him and he’s good for me. If you genuinely love me and want me to be happy, you’ll respect that.”

He wipes his face on his sleeve again and frowns. “I’ll accept it, but I don’t like it. The beastly side of me wants you all to myself. It’s goes against every instinct I possess to allow another man to get close to you.”

I chuckle. “You mean like how you have Huntley on the side?”

He blinks. “What are you talking about?”

I rear back a few inches. “Did we not just establish that there would be no secrets and that I know you better than anyone else on the planet?”

For a moment, he just stares at me, looking panicked. I can’t take it. Yes, he’s a vampire king and the ruler of the Toronto seatof power, but when he looks at me like this, he’s still the boy I’ve shared my soul with my entire life.

“Zane, breathe. You were fucking two randoms when I walked in on you last week. Why would you think I’d care that you and Huntley are a thing? If anyone understands how small your circle of opportunity is, it’s me.”

“I can’t lose you, Scots,” he whispers, his voice barely audible. “I know you two have drama, but he and I…”

“Whatever the two of you are to one another, you won’t lose me as long as you’re honest. I’m your squire and your friend. That’s where we are.”

“For now.”

I roll my eyes. “Don’t complicate things by getting ahead of yourself. I’m here. That has to be enough for now.”

“And it is,” he says, lurching forward to hug me again. “It’s everything. Thanks, Scots.”

This time, when we ease apart, the tension in the air lifts. The air feels lighter, less charged with the emotions that have simmered between us since my return.

Zane exhales, the sound long and low, and I know he’s finding his balance again. When he opens his eyes, they’re sharp with focus. “All right. Now we need to figure out what to do with Jaxon to get the information out of him.”

“You come from a family of mind fuckers, don’t you?”

Zane frowns. “I shouldn’t have told you that.”

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