Page 20 of Keeping Mr. Sweet

“Save it.” He puts a hand up to stop her from speaking while he puts a pan to the burner. “You know it. I know it. He probably knows it, if the shit he used to let you get away with is any indication. And last night... I would have bent you over my knee and spanked your ass if you’d done that to me.” He shakes his head. “Go toss some bread under the grill.”

What the hell, Ru? I can’t believe he’d say that to her. Can’t believe he’d even think it would help. That’s not what she needs.

Mouth agape, she stares at him like he’s sprouted another head under that mop of curls. “But...you...no.” She arches her neck and tucks her chin under as she tries to make sense of what Ru just said while she finally manages to reply, “You would not. No one has ever—”

“Maybe that’s the point,” he says. “No one ever taught you how to behave. Alone in that big house, with staff you could boss around...everyone just lets you get away with whatever you want. Now go on.” He shoos her. “We’re going to have to wake up the boss man in a minute and the least you can do is toast some shitty bread as an apology for trotting off to Mayhem last night and making him sleep on that damn awful couch in his office.”

“I didn’t.” She climbs off the counter and starts doing as he asks. “Okay, I did half of that, and I fully intend to apologize for it.”

“What are we sorry for?” I walk into the kitchen and pretend I didn’t catch any of their conversation. That I didn’t hear Ash practically call herself homeless. That Ru thinks I’m a damn pussy. That most of everything that goes on between Ash and I is meant to make me give up on her. Why the fuck would she do that? I rub my forehead right above the bridge of my nose, trying to reduce the tension swelling there.

Ash pauses at my voice, and then she tosses the last piece of bread under the grill. Without turning she glances up at me when I come up beside her, and there’s something shaky and uncertain about it. Like she’s just waiting for me to kick her out, or maybe she doesn’t know how to handle me for once, or she’s nervous. “I was just saying to Ru that I needed to apologize for my behavior last night.”

“What behavior was that exactly?” I ask not to be cruel, but because I’m curious over what she’s going to say, since apologizing isn’t typical for her.

“You know. Last night I was a bit of a handful.”

I wait for her to continue but she doesn’t. “Is that your apology?”

“Uh, yes. That’s pretty much it.”

I shouldn’t be taken aback by her inability to put her remorse into words. Growing up without her dad’s presence, with only paid help to teach her how to behave, means she doesn’t always have the tools to deal with situations the way she wants to. The way she should.

Or maybe she doesn’t regret her actions at all. She might just want to mollify me. Whatever it is, I need to know. How else do I work out whether to let last night go? God knows, I can’t deal with another evening like that.

Taking her elbow, I usher her toward my office. “You’ve got the toast, Ru?”

“Yep.” He continues cooking while I guide Ash into my office and shut the door.

“What are you doing?” she asks.

“I thought it might be easier for you to find the words to apologize if Ru wasn’t listening in.”

“Are you serious?” She’s standing just beyond arm’s reach, pretending to study her fingers while watching me like she’s my prey and she doesn’t know which way to turn.

“As a heart attack.”

“That isn’t funny,” she says, horrified.

“I fail to see why you would think I’m making a joke.”

Her lower lip drops on a quick intake of breath, her eyes widen. “When have we ever not just forgiven each other? Without the need to actually say it?”

“Things change,” I say, or maybe they are changing. I can’t put myself through the same shit with her any more, even if I’m not quite ready to give up on her. I cross to my desk and lean against it, watching her. It’s the strangest sensation, seeing Ash quiet and indecisive when she’s normally so openly stubborn. “And I think I might need to hear something that actually sounds like you mean it. If you mean it, that is.” She bites her thumb thoughtfully while she studies me, perhaps trying to decide if she believes what I’m telling her. With a glance at the door, she takes a few steps toward me. “Ru’s probably still listening.”

“That’s possible.” I shrug. “Would it help if we went back upstairs?”

“No. Here’s fine.” She comes nearer. “This is really what you want from me?”

“Yes, Ash.” That is really what I want right now. One damn apology to let me know she wants my help as much as I want to give it to her. Something to let me know I’m not crazy for wanting to help her still.

“Well...” She takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry I stole your vodka and disappeared on you, and I’m sorry that I danced on the bar and almost got you involved in a fight.”

“That’s all of it?”

“Uh, no.” She pinches the cupid’s bow of her lip so that I can barely hear her, and her cheeks turn pink.

I don’t need her to say it to be able to tell what she’s trying to apologize for. I don’t need to hear it to get hard again from that show she gave me. But I want to hear her say it. Out loud. I want to hear that she gives a shit when she toys with me and that it isn’t simply because she can. I want her to tell me that I’m not a sucker. She’s aware of the effect she has on me, but does she understand how deeply she gets to me?

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