Page 41 of The Heartbreak List

“I can see that.” EJ leans against the wall beside me, his club propped against his leg.

“Good.” I hate arguing with him. It eases the tightness between my shoulder blades to have him see things from my side.

He rests his head against the concrete. “I’m scared, Indy. You’re my little sister. I’ve been told my whole life to take care of you. I’ve dealt with you being a pain in the ass. And forgiven you for stealing my best friend. It isn’t supposed to be this way. You’re not supposed to be sick. And I don’t know what to do or how to feel…”

“I’m scared too.” My knees turn to water every time I think of the end. Will I close my eyes and go to sleep? Or will it be ugly? Will it hurt? What comes after? I struggle to breathe through the lump in my throat. “I’m scared of dying and leaving everyone I love behind. I’m scared that I won’t get to do the things that I want to do. All this time I’ve had to live, and I’ve only recently realized that I don’t know what would make me happy. I want to experience life. I want to have lived. But I don’t want to hurt anyone either. I’m scared and sad and angry as hell.”

“Yeah, I got that.” He snorts under his breath as he runs his gaze around everything we smashed in the room. He starts to chuckle.

I laugh too. It feels good to have this conversation with him. Nothing has changed. I still have an inoperable brain tumor. But it’s nice to be on the same page as EJ again.

“We should go.” EJ pushes away from the wall as he sobers up. “Save that woman at the front from the charms of your death coach.”

“I don’t think she minds his charm at all.” Even if he’s over the top with it.

“I have to admit I find him a little bit charming myself.” His laugh fades too quickly. “It makes me wonder if I should warn you to be careful.”

“Would anything stop you?” I flick my gaze to the ceiling in a bratty display of eyerolling.

Theo is half out of his blue coverall. His sweat-soaked T-shirt sticks to every well-formed muscle of his back. He’s not pumped up like one of those bodybuilders. He’s all sleek lines and understated, agile strength from fighting and the type of workouts that must entail. Still, the material is stretched thin around his shoulders and biceps, ink is barely visible through the white cotton as he talks to the woman at the counter.

I’m disappointed I can’t make out what picture the ink makes as she hands him three bottles of water. I’ve been curious about his tattoos since Theo said that every tattoo should have a meaning.

I strip out of the top half of my coverall. “What did he say to you to get you swinging that golf club?”

“He told me…” EJ has already shed his protective garment when he grips my arm and lifts it up. His gaze narrow on the fingerprints on my wrist. They’ve gotten darker overnight and look worse than they are. He tsks under his breath. “What the hell?”

“Theo didn’t do that.” My throat closes up as I tug my wrist free from his loose grip so I can finish stripping off the coverall. I don’t want to go back to him thinking poorly of Theo, but I also don’t want him to be upset with Gray.

“This is what Theo meant by you can get hurt by someone grabbing you the wrong way, isn’t it?” His brown eyes search mine like he’s looking for it to be worse than it is but hoping that it’s all a big mistake. Which it is. He captures my wrist again. “Was it Gray?”

“It’s nothing.” I can’t look him in the eyes. “I wouldn’t have bruised if it weren’t for the meds.”

“I can’t imagine what he was thinking.” He examines the marks carefully. “I’ll talk to him.”

“No, you won’t.” I clear my throat. If I wasn’t sick I wouldn’t have bruised, and if I hadn’t bruised EJ wouldn’t feel obligated to pull the big brother card with his best friend. He’d let us sort out our own issues. And that’s what I need from him now.

“Water?” Theo thrusts two bottles in our direction.

“Thanks.” EJ lets go of my wrist to take a bottle. He twists the lid off and takes a long slug.

“EJ?”Let me have control of my own life and don’t get involved. “When I’m gone Gray is going to need you, and you’re going to need him. Don’t complicate it out of some misguided sense of responsibility. It’s the meds that are the problem. Not Gray. And you know it.”

“Yeah, okay.” He huffs out a breath. “I won’t say anything.”

“Thank you.” I take a swig from my own water as he collects his keys and wallet and phone.

He switches on the device and the notifications start pouring in. He gives them a cursory glance. “Apparently my day for working from home is over. I need to get to the office. Do you want me to drop you off first?”

“It’s in the opposite direction.” I put the cap on my bottle. “It makes no sense for you to take me when I can order a ride.”

“I’m going in that direction.” Theo hands me my bag. “I’ll take her home.”

Chapter Fourteen

Theo

Indy’spersonallifehasliterally nothing to do with me. She has months to live, and I have a ton of guilt on my shoulders that I need to work through. That’s it. All we have in common. The extent of our friendship. The problem is I’m having trouble remembering that’s what I signed up for.

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