Page 56 of The Heartbreak List

He turns on the light and I blink at the sudden brightness. Drag the blanket up higher. I’ve cocooned myself in these layers. In this bed. I’m mired in this awful fog that has nothing to do with my head, and I can’t seem to shake it off. I miss Theo more than I should. Or even expected I could. “I’m so tired, Gray.”

“You’ve slept for hours.” The mattress sinks as he sits on the edge. Leaning over, he kisses my forehead. “You can get out of bed for a little while. There’s somewhere I want to take you.”

“Please, I think I just need to sleep some more.” Block out the terrible person that I am. Because I’m too weak to delete Theo’s voice messages without listening to them first. Because the craving to respond to even one text still hits me each time he sends a new one. I’m doing the right thing by deleting them and not responding, so why does it feel like the worst choice?

Gray sighs heavily. Pats my hip through the blankets. “Indy, you’re not sleeping because you need it. You’re sleeping because you’re sad.”

“I’m dying.” Isn’t that enough reason for me to stay in bed? I need to go out and find more reasons to feel miserable? “Let me sleep.”

“I can’t do that.” He stands and pulls the blankets off me before scooping me up. “I need you positive and strong. I need you to fight for your life, Indy. This…what you’re doing…it’s not helping you.”

He places me on my feet in the bathroom before turning on the shower.

“I’m sorry, Gray.” My cheek and his shirt grow wet as my emotions leak from my eyes. I’m so sorry that I’m leaving him. That we won’t get our happy ever after. That in the time we had left I went and met someone else who makes me feel alive in a way I didn’t know I could, and now I don’t have a clue how to put the pieces of us back together. Gray deserves so much better than that. “You’re right. Where do you want to take me?”

“It’s a surprise.” He holds me so close, his chest rising and falling against my cheek. His lips press to the top of my head. “Shower. I’ll pick you out an outfit.”

An hour later Gray drives us through Friday night traffic. I tug at the hem of my favorite dress. It has layers of white lace and pairs well with my favorite mid-calf, tan boots. “Are you going to tell me yet?”

“We’re almost there.” His mouth curves in that cuteI know something you don’t knowway.

My heart skips a beat when we turn onto a familiar street. The bar where Theo works is up ahead, and the closer we get to it the faster my pulse races. My whole body turns hot and then cold when Gray pulls into a space out front and turns off the engine. Ice settles in the pit of my stomach when he climbs out to open my door and offer me his hand.

“This is where we’re going?” Please, no. Let this be a coincidence. Why would he bring me here? Does he realize this is where Theo works?

“Line ‘Em Up.” His chest puffs up. “You can dance on the bar here on a Friday night. It’s on your bucket list.”

“The bucket list is stupid.” I turn my back on the bar, while my heart urges me to race inside and lay eyes on the man that has consumed my thoughts since I ghosted him.

Gray grasps my bicep and ushers me toward the entrance to the club. “It’s not. It was helping you. So we’re going to keep doing it.”

I drag my feet. “But—"

“Stage fright, babe. That’s all this hesitation is.” He leads me past the bouncers and inside where it’s noisy and crowded.

“That’s not it at all.” The bitterness of beer and a cacophony of women’s perfume sticks in the back of my nose. My heart stills at my first glimpse of the man across the room juggling bottles of tequila and Bacardi. Even with Gray beside me, I want to go to Theo.

His gaze finds mine through the crowd, and I forget how to breathe. His brow wrinkles as he looks me up and down. There are questions in his eyes. Hurt too.

We were friends and then we were nothing. But it feels like we’re alone in this overly crowded room. If I put one foot in front of the other the chasm between us will disappear. The words I haven’t said will come tumbling out.I like you too, Theo. I like you a lot. Way more than I should. That’s why I had to stay away. It’s why I shouldn’t be here tonight.

“Come on.” Gray leads me forward. Somehow he doesn’t notice Theo or the way I reacted to seeing him. He finds me a spot in front of Pez. “You were the guy who was here yesterday.”

“Right.” Pez points a finger at him as though he’s recalling the details. Then he smiles at me. “Hey, Indy, how are you? How’s the bucket list?”

“What?” Gray’s expression slackens as he glances between Pez and me. “You know each other?”

“Pez.” I grab the edge of the bar and lean in. I need him to keep Theo away.

But then he’s in front of me, pressing a hand to Pez’s shoulder as though using him as leverage to close the distance. He climbs the divide and vaults over the glossy wood to stand in front of me. “Indy, what are you doing here?”

“I came to cross dance on the bar off the bucket list.” He looks so good up close, but he has new bruises. On his neck. On his jaw. He stares into me, and I feel so bared to him. It’s as if he should be able to read in my eyes the reason I vanished on him.

Gray tugs me into him, my back against his chest. Away from Theo. Gray’s breaths are shallow and his grip while gentle is full of tension. “This guy works here? Your death coach is a stripper?”

“I’m not a stripper,” Theo growls. The music switches and the crowd around us swells as everyone rushes to get the best vantage point for the guys’ performance.

“Oh, right.” Gray sneers at Theo. “You’re just some bartender that takes his shirt off and dances on a bar every Friday night.”

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