Page 57 of The Heartbreak List

“Gray.” I gasp.

Theo shakes his head, his jaw bulging. Planting his hands on the bar he pulls himself up before holding out his hand. “Come on, Indy. You’ve only got one life. What is it going to be?”

I can’t. Doesn’t Theo see? I put my fingers to the fire and almost burned them. Dancing with him now…it’s too much. “I really shouldn’t.”

“It’s one dance, Indy.” Gray’s arm around my waist loosens as his chest caves at my back. “It’s what we came here for. Your bucket list.”

“It doesn’t matter. I told you I’m not doing that anymore.” I turn in his arms and put my hands on his shoulders. “Take me home, Gray.”

Gray shakes his head as he strokes my hair back from my face. He flicks glances at the rest of the bartenders who are already partnered up. “I wish it didn’t have to be with that guy.”

“It doesn’t.” Because it can’t. Because the temptation is too great, and that’s the last thing that I want. “Let’s just go.”

One side of his mouth lifts into a sad smile. “At least I’ll know you’ll be in safe hands while you’re up there. Your brother thinks he’s a good guy.”

“Gray.” I hold onto him.

He takes my hands from his shoulders. Turns me around and inches me forward. “Go. You get your dance, but after that we go home.”

I take a deep breath as Theo bends to offer me his hand again.

Okay, I can do this. I can say goodbye to Theo. Close this chapter. Move on—no, move back to my old life for as long as I have to live it. And I can focus on loving Gray.

I slip my hand into his. It’s a mistake of course. His big one encloses mine and the heat, the spark, the knowing there’s more between us makes me hyperaware of his touch.

He wraps a hand around my hip and steps in so close the hair on the back of my neck stands as though reaching for him. His palm smooths over the middle of my torso and my belly fills with butterflies. The move is intimate, and my body responds by wanting more.

“You didn’t say a word to me for weeks, Indy.” His fingertips leave a trail of sparks as he runs them along my ribcage and up my arm, lifting my hand to cup the back of his neck.

“You left me a voicemail while you were getting head.” It’s almost impossible to breathe as I tilt my face to look at him. I’d heard him come for another woman. Heard the way his breathing grew harsher. The groans. I’d wanted so very much to be disgusted. “Who does that?”

“It wasn’t my finest hour, but even after that I called. I texted. You couldn’t even manage a simple emoji?”

“I’m sorry.” If he feels even a fraction of what I do, then he has to understand that I had to do what was best for everyone. But God, I missed him.

I can feel every inch of where our bodies connect. His chest moves against my back. His hands explore my body in a PG way that feels entirely R-rated. His lips caress my ear. He’s a little more unkempt than usual. His facial hair tickles. “Why did you cut me out?”

“Does it matter?” I whimper as he drags his hand up my thigh, lifting the hem of my dress as he goes. Sparks fly under his fingertips. Coil in my belly.

He spins me around and I have to put both hands on his chest to find my balance. He covers one of them with one of his, holding me there as he brings his face to within an inch of mine. His breath feathers my skin. “I thought we were friends.”

“We are.” Friends shouldn’t want to kiss, though. They shouldn’t lick their lips while they imagine lunging forward and pressing their mouths together.

He huffs out another breath. “I thought you understood that I only told Nelson I liked you because of the situation. But then you ghost me…and I can’t work out if it’s your fiancé…”

Gray. Oh God, I forgot about Gray. I twist clumsily in Theo’s arms.

The cords in Gray’s neck stand out. His jaw is solid as marble. But it’s the hard, flinty look in those pale blues that are usually so warm that makes my heart shrink.

“Or if it’s because I killed someone.” Theo’s voice has a painful edge to it.

“No, it’s not that. What happened…you said it yourself. It was an accident.” I don’t ever want him to think that I’m scared of him because of the mistakes he made. Yes, it’s tragic that someone died, but it was never deliberate. He made poor choices that led to a tragedy.

My choices right now are poor too. Staying instead of making Gray take me home. Continuing this conversation instead of climbing down from the bar. No one will die because of my decisions, but they are destroying Gray and that’s not fair.

“So then why avoid me?” Theo asks as the music cuts out.

I shake my head. If I answer that question, then everyone will know. I’ll destroy Gray. I’ll hurt Theo. I’ll create chaos in my family. And for what? I’m dying anyway. There’s no future here. There’s nothing here that can possibly last. “I had a wedding to plan.”

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