Page 68 of The Heartbreak List

“No.” She turns in my arms. Plastering herself against me, she seeks my mouth with her own in a damp and salty kiss. “No, I’m not going back to Gray.”

“Do you regret—”

“That’s not…I don’t regret what is happening between us. Or that I left him.” She sniffles. “But he was my first love. And even before that he meant so much to me. He’s my family, my brother’s best friend, my parents’ figuratively adopted son, and I hurt him so much last night. I don’t know how we get past that in the time that I have left. Or maybe I just have to think of it like he’s someone I’ve already said goodbye to. Either way it hurts, Theo. I loved him so much. I love him still. I will probably love him in some way until the day that I die.”

“I understand.” How much it can hurt to love someone and have to leave them behind. How a heart can rip itself in two in order to have strong feelings for two people at the same time, but still have those feelings for each person with their whole heart. Loving and missing someone doesn’t just go away because we find happiness in another.

“I’m going to mourn the way Gray and I used to be. It breaks my heart.”

I hold her tighter. “It’s okay.”

“I don’t want to ruin this.” Her gaze falls to my chest.

“You won’t.” I press my lips to her forehead. “It takes time to get over loss and heartache. That doesn’t mean that something good can’t grow at the same time.”

She lifts that whiskey gaze. “I’m so glad I met you.”

“Glad I met you too, Indy.” I roll onto my back. Prop my head on one hand as I draw her over me. “You know, I just realized I don’t even know your last name. All this time we’ve spent together and—”

“Yours is Valentine, right?”

“It is.” I smile against her hair. “Girls always kind of like my last name. It’s why I don’t tell them what it is most of the time.”

“I’ve got you beat.” She chuckles.

“Oh really? What is it?”

“Jones.” Her fingers draw pictures on my chest and trail down to the slight trail of hair that leads to her next orgasm.

She pulls at it with her fingers and my cock twitches with a neediness that has me rolling her under me in a heartbeat. “Indy Jones? What’s your middle name?”

“Anna.” She grins.

“Bullshit. Your name is not Indy Anna Jones?” This girl was born to live her own adventure? All this time she’s been trying to shoehorn herself into a box that makes no sense for her. And now she tells me her name is basically Indiana fucking Jones?

“Not bullshit.” She wriggles under me, her hand wrapping around my erection and giving a gentle tug. “My dad loves Harrison Ford.”

“Oh fuck.” I groan as my hips shove my cock deeper into her hand.

She lets go before I’m ready for it. Touches the tattoo at the bottom of my abs. “Tell me about this? What does it mean?”

“It’s a dragon eating its tail. Means everything is a cycle. Life and death. Love and grief. Good times and bad.”

“And the one that still needs to be finished? The one on your back? It’s wings, right? All those feathers.” She bites her lip like she’s trying not to be curious.

“Should I sit up so you can examine it?”

“Will you?” Her eyes brighten.

I would give anything to keep her sadness at bay, so I sit on the edge of the bed and give her my back.

The bed dips as she kneels behind me. Her fingers are warm brushing over the image. Angel wings in jet black. “Harlan is so talented. They look so fluffy and ethereal. I fully expected them to be soft to the touch. Are they for her?”

“They’re for Coop. She loved everything fantasy. Especially angels. For her eighteenth birthday she had these giant white wings made to wear to her party. But they were so heavy that they wouldn’t stay on properly.” I laugh at the memory of her in those huge wings. She was so indignant. So cute. “They’d dragged on the floor all night and ended up covered in beer and dirt. There was no saving them, unfortunately.”

There was no saving her either. Fuck, the happiness followed by the sad still steals my breath. I’m pulled back to that hospital room. Saying goodbye to her while I’m in handcuffs, my dad and two cops watching. It’s why I haven’t had the tattoo finished. Why years have passed since I sat for Harlan.

Indy wraps her arms around me and presses her cheek to the spot between my shoulders. Without a word, she eases the weight.

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