Page 78 of The Heartbreak List

He walks away and I uncurl my fist. My nails have cut into my palm while he spewed his opinion. Thoughts that have crossed my mind already in one form or another.

Indy walks out of the bedroom and startles when she notices me. “What are you doing up here?”

“Looking for the bathroom.” I examine the half-moon cuts in my palm. “Ran into Gray on the way.”

“What happened to your hand?” She tugs it down from my face so she can see the small flecks of blood seeping from the crescents.

I got angry, and I chose not to act on it. “I didn’t think hitting him would be appropriate.”

“Dinner time,” Indy’s mom calls from below.

“Be right down,” Indy yells back, then tugs me further down the hall. “This way.”

We enter an alcove that turns out to be a small powder room. She turns on the tap and wets a cloth. “Give me your hand.”

I lean against the counter and rest my hand in hers, letting her dab away the bits of blood even though it would have been so easy for her to stand aside while I washed my hands in the running water. “He’s not going to let go, you know.”

“He’s upset. What happened…” She stills with the cloth in my palm.

“Firsts?”

“All of them.” She inspects her work under the ambient light from the hallway. Satisfied, she leaves the cloth on the side of the sink and shuts off the tap. “I didn’t think. I should have, but I didn’t.”

“The timing was bad.”

“It seems I have the worst timing in the world. With him. And with you.”

“And by that you mean?” I pretend my heart isn’t thumping on my tongue. Our timing is shit, but it is what it is. Unless she thinks it’s better if we aren’t together.

“I’m not a bad person, but I feel like I am,” she whispers as she tucks smokey blue hair behind her ear.

“You’re not.” I lift her so that she’s sitting on the counter. Take her cheek in my hand. Press my forehead to hers. “You have a big heart, sweetheart. That’s why you feel bad.”

“But it’s just…it’s so quick. I hate that he probably feels like I didn’t care at all.” A fat tear leaks from the corner of her eye.

I brush it away with my thumb. I kiss the salt from her skin. It seems like Gray has left a mark on every inch of her life—but I’ll be damned if I pussyfoot around the past and let it overwhelm our time together. I want her focus to be on the present. On living. With me. “With enough time he’ll realize it.”

“But not today.” She sighs.

There’s the rap of knuckles on the arch that is the entry to the powder room and Indy startles. We both glance in the direction of the sound to find EJ standing there.

He raises one eyebrow. “While I appreciate the need for a moment away from all the tension downstairs the awkwardness is not being made better by y’all taking your sweet time up here. Let’s get this over with.”

He walks away while Indy slips from the counter. “And on that note, we better join everyone for another Indy-makes-it-awkward dinner.”

“It’s a theme night?” I smile with one side of my mouth as we follow EJ down the stairs. “You didn’t tell me it was theme night.”

He chuckles.

It’s the most uncomfortable dinner I’ve ever been to. Gray scowls at me through the entire meal. EJ doesn’t say a word to me because he’s trying to play peacekeeper. He also doesn’t talk to Indy or Gray either. Maybe it’s genetics because Indy’s dad said more words to his wife when I accidentally eavesdropped than he says at the table. Sharon, bless her, tries to make up for the whole family by piling extra servings of macaroni on my plate.

Indy slides the food around with her fork and occasionally lifts it to her lips, the tines barely covered.

“So you’ll be moving home then.” Mr. Jones finally breaks the silence.

“No.” Indy glances to me for support.

“No?” Indy’s mom reaches for her daughter across the table. “Are you going to keep living with Gray?”

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