Page 81 of The Heartbreak List

Of course I should be. But that’s not really the question. How long do we have before this all becomes too painful for either of us? Or perhaps it’s just me that it will be painful for, and I’m projecting that there’s far more here than there really is. He likes me, sure. He’s also well aware that I’m dying. Perhaps that’s even what makes this easy for him. It will never get any more complicated.

“That was Cooper’s sister.” He bites his thumb as we sit at a red light. Rests his elbow on the door and presses his knuckles into his temple. “Brooke.”

“Oh.” I crawl across the seat and curl up against him. Place my hand over his heart. My insecurities and doubts got the better of me, but they have no place between us. He needs me, I’m here.

“I haven’t seen her since the hospital.” He’s deep into those memories, the aching of them washing off him in waves. But then he drapes his arm around my shoulders and holds on like I’m the balm that makes it all better.

“What’s she doing here? Why now?”

“Looking for Nelson.” The light turns green and he accelerates. His gaze is clouded with worry, his jaw chewing through his thoughts as he switches lanes. “He was at least checking in with her before…”

It hits me hard. What he’ll say. “Before we ran into him?”

“We were the last people to see him. The cops haven’t found him.” He darts a worried glance my way. “And now they have no idea where he is. She asked me to talk to the police tomorrow. Tell them everything I know. I told her it isn’t much. I told her he needs help. She’s really worried about him.”

Is he scared that Nelson will show up to finish what he started that night? The back of my neck prickles and my heart starts to pound. Or is he afraid the man will harm himself? Most likely it’s both.

“I’ll go with you.” Whether I have anything useful to add is another matter. But I want Nelson to be found. He needs help dealing with his anger and pain. And I need Theo in one piece. Without any bullet holes in his stunning body and beautiful face. With all that life pumping in his veins.

We make it back to his apartment and I find myself glancing over my shoulder as we enter the building and climb the stairs. He dumps my bag on his bed and cleans out his top drawer so I have somewhere to store my clothes, while I line up my meds on his kitchen counter.

I come back in time to catch his dirty smile as he unloads a fistful of my panties into the drawer. My insides clench. Tonight was a lot, but it’s over now.

He frowns as he pulls the ring box out of the bag.

Okay, so I was wrong. It seems I’ve bought a one-way ticket to constant emotional upheaval.

Theo holds it in his palm to show me. “He gave it back to you.”

Gray isn’t the ghost of boyfriends past so much as a living, breathing entity that, it seems, will always find his way between us. But I can’t just cut him out of my heart. Or shut that part of my life off. “He did.”

“What do you want to do with it?”

“I don’t know.” I take it out of his hand and push it to the back of the drawer before closing it. I guide his hands to my hips. “But I don’t want to think about it now. I want to focus on this. You and me.”

When I press up on tiptoe to kiss him and move his hand toward the small of my back, he gets the message and smooths it down to grab my ass. His lips graze mine then nibble.

Sparks light up inside me as he lifts me onto the old dresser. My knees part for him to step between. They grip his hips to hold him near as his palm covers my throat and tips my chin for his tongue to slide against mine.

Kissing him obliterates everything. All reasoning and doubts evaporate when he explores my mouth. I want more of him. Of us. So much more.

I memorize every inch of him when he takes his shirt and pants off. Watching him take off his boxer briefs is better than watching any Zac Efron movie. His golden skin is almost flawless except for the subtle bruising. All of it is hot under my fingertips. The muscles and sinew that make him look like a god jump and quiver with my touch.

I hold onto the details of the way we kiss. The tempered roughness and neediness that only takes a second to ignite.

I note the sparks that his fingertips tickle from my skin as he pushes my dress up until I have to wiggle to help release it from under my butt. The tremor in my belly when his knuckles brush my flesh. The way my arms go up like a ballerina for him to remove my dress. His huge palms wrap around the back of my thighs as he lifts me and carries me to the bed.

“What do you want, Indy?” He peels my panties back an inch and kisses the top of my mound. My belly tremors. “Do you want my fingers?” He eases the silk down another inch. “Or my tongue?”

I whimper when he kisses me right over my clit and then chases it with the tip of his tongue.

He drags my panties up to my bent knees and then down over my ankles. “Do you want my cock deep inside you? Or should I bring out that toy we bought last night and fill you with it?”

My clit is tingling and so are my thighs. He’s the pussy whisperer, and my god, does she know it. I clamp around nothing so hard that my back arches from the mattress.

He kisses the inside of my thigh and waits.

“Not the alien cock.” As hot as it was when we were in the store and he was telling me what he wanted to do to me with it, I’m not sure I’m ready to bring that into the bedroom. The damn thing is huge. Like a can of Pringles. “It’s scary big.”

---