Page 87 of The Heartbreak List

He chuckles. “I’ll do a couple of laps and meet you here.”

“Can’t wait.” I shut the door and dash into the building. It takes me a few seconds to get orientated and work out where to meet America.

I didn’t realize how much I needed her to come home until it became a reality. We’ve always been each other’s support and encouragement, and going through the illness and the treatments without her…it’s been hard. But now she’s home.

I can see her up ahead at baggage claim. And in a few minutes we’ll be on our way to the waterpark capitol of the world. A trip Theo surprised me with last night when he told me he arranged for America and his sister both to join us on this unexpected vacation. He’d been nervous when he admitted his parents only live six minutes away from where we’ll be staying for the next few days.

America drops her bag, and we engulf each other.

“I can’t believe you’re here.” I’m just so excited that she is.

“Oh my God, I love the hair. It’s so vibrant up close.” America holds me at arm’s length. She smiles softly and her eyes glisten but she manages to keep it in check. “You look…”

“Like I should eat a meatball sometime.” I laugh. I don’t care that my hip bones jut out too much and that my cheekbones are more prominent than I’d like. I don’t care that my head hurts all the time, and that I’m permanently exhausted these days. My bestie is home and we’re about to cross something major off the list. “So are you ready for the biggest waterslide ever?”

“Uh, I’ve been ready all my life.” She blinks a couple times and breaks out in a huge grin. “I can’t believe you’re finally ready to do it with me, girl. I’ve been trying to talk you into this forever.”

“All it took was a brain tumor. And meeting Theo. Without him I might never have started my bucket list.” I take the handle of her luggage. “We should hurry. He’s waiting for us.”

“Let me do that.” She steals it from me and we make our way toward the exit. She keeps side-eying me. “I love that bikini top. And the leg. Is that another one of those temporary tattoos?”

“Theo drew it, actually.” As it fades he retraces it. I think it’s his way of trying to make it feel like we have more time. And I don’t mind. I love the design. I want more time too. Maybe it’s delusional, but when he draws on me, it feels like we have all the time in the world.

She bumps my shoulder gently. “You know I didn’t mean it when I said you should replace me with him.”

“I know. And I didn’t.” But I still feel bad. Like I’ve let her down because she’s come home and everything is a mess.

“No, you replaced our boy Gray,” she says drily.

It sounds so callous when she puts it like that, though she doesn’t mean it to be. We speak our mind around each other. Always have. Still, I hate that Gray is hurting because of me. It was never my intention.

“Theo and I…we just…happened. I didn’t mean to fall for him. Didn’t plan for how much he’d mean to me. Friendship turned to more so quickly and out of the blue. But he’s not who you think he is. Not the guy you met that night. He’s so much more than a dirty mouth and a pretty smolder. He’s my world in a way Gray never could be. I couldn’t ignore that.”

She stares at me thoughtfully. “You’re content.”

“I am.” With everything. With every day that I have with Theo. With my family. And America. The next minute is all I can count on and somewhere along the way I learned that it’s okay not to have a plan and to let life take me wherever it will. To experience life with both eyes on the now and arms open. I’ve been blessed with a point of view that not everyone gets to experience.

“You have this calmness about you that I didn’t expect. I mean…I didn’t know what to expect. Other than that I’m going to cry a lot. Because I’m not okay with the idea of you not being here. And I am going to miss you so fucking much.” She punctuates that by wiping away the tears that are falling down her cheeks. “But you’ve made your peace with the situation, haven’t you?”

“As much as one can.” I lift my shoulder and let it fall. Does anyone ever really come to terms with their own mortality and leaving their loved ones behind? Because I’m still wishing that I didn’t have to leave Theo. Or my family. Or her. “We should go. I can’t wait to get to the Dells.”

“We’re going to have so much fun.” America rolls her suitcase as we hurry toward the exit. “An unforgettable trip. It killed me not to tell you what he had in store when he called to organize it. But trust, it’s going to be so—”

The world spins and I reach out to steady myself as the people disappear from my line of sight and the roof takes their place. I swallow convulsively as my vision darkens. My heart seems to slow as my thoughts grow sluggish.

Is this it then? Is this the moment where it ends? I thought I’d have more time.

“Indy?” America screams my name as she grabs at me frantically. “Indy? Oh God? Someone call 9-1-1.”

Chapter Thirty

Theo

InanotherminuteI’mgoing to have to move from express pickup, because the girls are taking a while coming out of the airport. I text Indy to see if there’s a problem and whether I should find a parking spot so I can go inside with them.

No response.

Nerves flutter in my belly and I chew the inside of my bottom lip while I watch the screen until it goes dark. Light it up and watch it go dark again.

---