Page 89 of The Heartbreak List

“No.” I really thought she was gone for a minute there. And I’m not ready. I’m not prepared for any of this. It takes me a moment to control the emotions threatening to choke me. To push them down enough to start the engine and pull into traffic.

America tries to distract me…or perhaps both of us, with small talk in between phone calls to Indy’s parents and EJ. I don’t know what she asks or what I say. I doubt she does either. When she calls Gray, I don’t say a damn word. I don’t take it personal. He’s important to Indy. He should know.

America finishes that call and clutches her phone with both hands. “They’ll meet us there.”

I have no clue how we drove to the hospital as I find a parking space. What route we took or if I ran any red lights or had any near misses. That numbness has spread to my fingers and toes.

“She’s going to be fine. She has to be.” America is pep-talking the both of us as we jump out and hurry toward the entrance.

“I don’t know.” When Cooper died, I didn’t have any warning and it was devastating. But with Indy…she’s been warning me the whole time that this only ends one way. There is no happy ending here. And I don’t know how I’m supposed to walk away and be okay. Not after today.

The doors are right in front of us when I stop.

America manages a couple of steps before she notices that I’m not keeping up with her. “Theo?”

What the hell was I thinking…getting involved with a woman who is going to die? Falling for her. It’s so damn stupid. Plain fucking crazy. I can’t do this anymore.

I can’t do this again.

“Theo?” America is in my face, her dark eyes searching mine, but it’s all trumped by Indy lying there so motionless in the middle of the airport.

“I really thought she was dead,” I croak.

"It’s okay.” She grasps my forearm. Squeezes. “She’s still with us. We have time.”

She’s still with us for now, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to stay that way. The next time could be the last time. I break out in a cold sweat. My heart seems to turn to stone. “I can’t do it. I can’t get any more attached to her. I can’t say goodbye to her.”

I shake my head as I start to back up. “I can’t.”

“Theo, she needs you.” America tugs on my arm. “I understand how much you’re hurting. I’m terrified that my best friend might not come out of this hospital. But she needs us both to be here for her. She needs you to walk your ass into this hospital and be there for her.”

“I can’t.” I bring my hands up, palms facing out. It’s going to hurt too damn much if I stick around any longer. I drag my keys out of my pocket. “I’ve got to go.”

“What am I supposed to tell Indy?” America sobs. “This will break her. You understand that, don’t you? It will crush her.”

“Tell her…” I need to contact Sigh and get him to set up a fight. Put all this emotion into something that makes sense. I pull out my phone and start typing out that text. Hopefully he can find me an opponent who won’t back down until one of is unconscious. “That it was nice knowing her. But we both know I’m not the kind of guy who was going to stick around while they put on the toe tag.”

America gasps. “What the fuck?”

I turn my back on her. “It was nice seeing you again.”

“You’re seriously going to do this?” she calls out to me as I start to walk away from the building while hitting send on that message. “You’re going to leave?”

I pause and glance back at her. “I already watched the woman I loved die once. If I stick around…”

Do I need to say it? That I can’t go through it again? That I can’t fall deeper in with Indy, knowing she’s going to die. I thought I could handle the fact that I like her, but I can’t. And if we keep going the way we are… it’ll hurt far more than I thought it would. It already does.

She plants her hands on her hips. “You’re afraid.”

“Or just not stupid enough to be willing to put myself through it.” I turn my back on her again and make a beeline for my truck. No, it’s better I get out now. With fond memories and my heart still intact. Better to remember the way Indy was with so much life in her eyes, than to watch it all fade away.

By the time I climb in the truck, America has vanished through those big doors. I watch them for a while with my elbow on the window and my head resting on my fist. Gray arrives first. Then Indy’s parents and EJ. She’ll be okay now. With everyone she loves by her side. She doesn’t need me.

My knee jiggles. It doesn’t stop when I hold it down. Sigh’s message takes forever to come through. I don’t know how many times I have to light up my screen before it does.

Tossing my phone on the seat, I start up the truck. There’s no fight tonight. Fuck.

Chapter Thirty-One

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