Page 90 of The Heartbreak List

Indy

Irubattheskin around the port they installed in the crook of my elbow when I got to the hospital. I’ve been poked and prodded a hundred times since they brought me in. They’ve taken so much blood I could use a cookie. I’m currently waiting for the nurse to come back and collect me for a CT scan.

Out in the waiting room, Theo and America must be going out of their minds with worry. My parents and EJ are probably here too. Or they will be soon.

“Hey.” America slips into the room quietly. She comes over and carefully hugs me. “They said I could only visit for a few minutes. How are you feeling?”

“I’ve been better.” I rest against the pillows when she steps back. My head hurts and I am so tired, but that’s nothing new. “I hate that I fainted and ruined what was supposed to be an amazing trip to the waterparks. You came all the way home for it.”

“Don’t worry about that now.” She presses her lips together and sniffs. “I came home for you. You’re here. So I am too. I can ask EJ to pick us up a pack of cards and we can play Go Fish or Gin Rummy.”

A weak laugh escapes me. We've whiled away so many bored afternoons with card games.

“Where’s Theo?” I glance at the doorway as though he will appear there, conjured only by how much I need to see his face.

She flinches and shifts uncomfortably. Finally she shakes her head. “He left.”

“Oh.” I’m suddenly bone weary. All I want to do is close my eyes. “Is he coming back?”

“I don’t think so, Indy. He was pretty adamant…” She swallows on a sympathetic smile. “He’s not coming back.”

So that’s it then? Our time is over. I wasn’t prepared. I’m not ready.

“It must have scared him so much to see me like that.” It breaks my heart to imagine what he must be feeling and thinking after having reality shoved in his face. The fact that I’m dying, up until now, has been an abstract idea. But the way I collapsed… “It must have made it all too real.”

Stirred up memories of losing Cooper. Brought all that pain to the surface for him.

“You’re not upset?” America questions me with a lift of her on fleek brows.

“How can I be?” How can I begrudge him wanting to end this now while our story is still vibrant and full of life. I’d rather he remember me like that, than watch me grow sicker. Even if it feels like my heart is being shattered into a million tiny pieces from which I’ll never recover. “We don’t have a future. We never did. And we both understood that going into this arrangement. Even when we complicated it with feelings, we still knew that it would end.”

“But—”

“I’m tired.” I turn my head to stare at the wall. I don’t want to talk about him leaving. There’s no point to doing so. A tear drips over the bridge of my nose. My heart is shrinking and all my sadness is overflowing.I’m going to miss you so much, Theo.God, I hope you get everything you want and deserve in this life.I hope you find happiness.I hope you remember me as I was before today.

America pats my arm as she stands. “I’ll be in the waiting room, okay?”

When she leaves, I crumble. I cry so hard and for so long it feels like I’ll never stop.

Gray enters the room and comes to the bed. His pale gaze is full of worry as he wraps his arms around my shaking form and holds me tight. “My poor Indy.”

His hug is comforting like a fuzzy blanket. He smells as familiar as home. I cling to him as I cry into the button down shirt he’s wearing.

He takes a seat on the bed and lifts me onto his lap. He rocks me the whole time that I cry for Theo. His lips press to the top of my bald head. “I’ve got you, babe. It’s okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

I wear myself out in his arms. Doze there with the strong, steady beat of his heart in my ear, until the nurse comes back with a wheelchair.

“I need to take you for a CT scan now,” she tells me.

I nod, prepared to scramble off Gray’s lap, but he lifts me and places me in the chair instead.

“You’re welcome to walk with us.” The nurse starts to wheel me out of the room.

Gray follows us into the hallway. He pushes both hands into his pockets and shoots me an uncertain glance.

“Please, Gray.” I don’t want to be alone right now. Not until they work out what happened today and what my next step is.

He nods as he falls into step with us. When he offers me his hand, I take it and lean on his support.

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