Page 91 of The Heartbreak List

He leaves me at the door to the CT room. “I’ll go check in with your family. Tell them what’s happening.”

“Thank you.” The door closes between us.

The nurse helps me onto the bed and I’m left alone with my thoughts while the machine runs. All I can think about is Theo. The way he smiles and the way those beautiful eyes of his crinkle in the corners.

The way he made me laugh.

Every sexy and sweet moment we’ve shared plays like a montage in my head.

Dancing on the bar.

Our first kiss as the rain grew heavy.

All those blue alien vibrators falling down around us.

Breaking glasses in the alley.

Making love in the back of his truck under the stars.

Being with Theo was the highlight of my life. And even if our time is over, every second we shared is worth this heartbreak. I would do it over and over again exactly the same. All of it. From crossing things off my bucket list to falling in love with him to this ache that feels like I’m being hollowed out.

The nurse takes me back to the room when the scans are finished. She helps me onto the bed and leaves when my parents come in.

They sit with me for a while. Worried and quiet. Barely able to take their eyes off me. EJ comes in a bit later. He sits on the bed beside me. “America told me Theo left. Do you want me to go find him?”

Hearing his name makes me tear up.

“He’s not up to dealing with this part.” I gesture at the hospital bed and the port in my arm and all of the scared faces of my family. This is probably only the first of many times I’ll end up in the hospital during the time I have left. “I won’t force him to watch me decline. It’s for the best that we call it quits now. Really.”

“You don’t know—”

“I have a few months. Maybe, if I’m lucky, a little longer.” I press my lips together. “We both knew where this was heading. He didn’t do this to hurt me, EJ.”

“I know.” He wraps an arm around my shoulder and squeezes gently.

Gray and America brings snacks and coffee. America sits with my mother and holds her hands as they check in with each other.

Gray sits next to me on the bed. “How are you doing?”

“Okay.” What else is there to say? I’ve missed him like a friend, but we’re not friends like we were before we were lovers. And we might never get there. He doesn’t want to hear about how much it hurts for me to lose Theo. He doesn’t want to know that it hurts more after a few months with Theo than it did when I broke up with him after years together.

What we had was real. But with Theo…the way I feel about him is all-encompassing. I’m so grateful that I got to experience it.

“We have your results,” the doctor announces as he walks into the room. He scans through something on the tablet in his hand before glancing at each of my family members. When his focus settles on me he gives me a friendly smile. “You’re anemic. Your red blood count is severely compromised. It’s a fairly normal side effect of the medications you’re on.”

“So it’s treatable?” EJ straightens.

The gloom that has settled over the room lifts a little. My mom bursts into tears. My dad sits forward while he squeezes her shoulder.

“With these numbers we’d like to give you a transfusion,” the doctor says. “And then we can look at supplements to help for as long as you’re on the medications.”

“It’s not the tumor?” Gray’s voice turns hopeful.

“Not directly, no. She fainted because of the anemia, which is a result of the meds.” The doctor does something on his tablet. “That said, we don’t have an update on the tumor’s progress yet. I’m still waiting on the results from the CT scan. When I have them I’ll be able to give you more information. In the meantime, we’re going to get you set up for a transfusion.”

“Thank you, doctor.” I yawn as he leaves.

A few minutes later the nurse comes back. She orders everyone out of the room while she fusses around me. A second orderly enters as my family start to depart. Until it’s only Gray and EJ left.

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