Page 92 of The Heartbreak List

EJ gently rubs the top of my head with his fist before he climbs off the bed. “Glad you’re still here, sis.”

“Me too.” I smile at him. Every minute I have with my family means the world to me.

“Indy…” Gray clears his throat when they’re all gone. “Your friend…he isn’t here…”

“Don’t say it,” I whisper as I turn away so he won’t see me cry.

“Whatever happened with him…whatever it was he gave you that you needed…I just want you to know that I’m sorry I couldn’t do that for you.”

“You should hate me.” I sniffle. God, I tried to make him hate me.

He grasps my chin carefully until our gazes lock. “I was hurt when you told me…I was so fucking angry. But hate you? I could never hate you, Indy. I’m here, aren’t I? I’ll always be here for you. I love you.”

“Gray,” I whisper through the tears that won’t stop falling. Because in some ways I will always love him, but never in the way that he wants or deserves.

He stands and presses his lips to my cheek. “Get some rest and feel better. We’ll talk later.”

Chapter Thirty-Two

Theo

Acoupleoftheguys look up from the tattoos they’re working on as I storm into Harlan’s shop. I press the heel of my palm into my forehead, scanning the room. My head feels like it’s going to explode. “Where’s Harlan?”

“Out back.” Kian lifts his chin and points with that peacock blue mohawk of his. “You want me to get him?”

I march around the front counter and between the workstations. I’m not in a waiting mood. There are too many thoughts raging in my head. “I’ll find him.”

“Theo?” Harlan’s eyes widen when I find him smoking a cigarette, leaning against the back wall of the shop. “Everything all right?”

“I feel like I’m dying. Or having a heart attack.” I grasp a fistful of hair on the top of my head as I pace a stiff square. My jaw is as wound up as a steel trap. “Indy is in the hospital. We went to pick her friend up from the airport and something happened. She collapsed. They transferred her by ambulance.”

“But you’re not at the hospital?” Harlan pushes away from the wall as he puts the butt of his smoke to his lips and inhales. “You’re here.”

“She has a fucking brain tumor,” I snarl at him as I punch the brick wall. It barely hurts though it tears the skin from my knuckles. “She’s dying. It could be today. It could be tomorrow. Or next week. But it’s going to happen soon and I’m going to lose her. And I can’t.”

“You can’t?” He stares at me thoughtfully.

“I can’t.” The pang in my chest brings me to tears. “I can’t breathe. I can’t think. Indy is going to die and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. There’s nothing I can do to make it hurt less. I can’t be in love with her and I can’t go through this pain again.”

Harlan takes another drag of his cigarette. Lets the smoke billow from his nostrils. “What’s the alternative?”

“What’s the alternative?” My words come out strangled.

“Yes.” He watches me patiently. Like he has all of this worked out while I’m losing my fucking mind. “You’ve just told me you’re in love with her. So tell me how you see things playing out from here.”

“I stay away. I don’t let my emotions get any more twisted.” I have some chance of coming out of this in one piece.

He grinds out the butt. Shakes another cigarette loose from his pack and holds it between his lips while he lights the paper. “Going to chain smoke, if you don’t mind.”

“Whatever.” He knows I don’t care about his bad vices. And I really don’t care now because the only thing that I can focus on is that Indy is in the hospital. I have no idea if she’s okay. And I have an entire future stretching out in front of me without her.

“You’re already twisted up over this girl. Have been since before you brought her to my shop for that kitten tattoo.”

“That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it?” He raises an eyebrow. “Want me to recount every woman you brought to the shop before Indy?”

“Fuck you.”

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