Page 70 of Leo and His Love Bunny

“Of course. We’re friends. That’s what friends do,” I say, and I hope I don’t look as fake as I feel. I don’t hold hands with my friends. I definitely don’t put my arm around them and love the way they feel pressed up against me.

He walks over and gets in his side of the car, but before he starts it he puts his hands on the wheel and stares at it for a minute.

I think he’s going to say something about his dad, and I brace myself.

“There’s a preseason party on Tuesday night. I... I was hoping you’d go with me.”

I was not expecting that. He hadn’t told me anything about a preseason party, and I wonder if the person he really wanted to take wasn’t available. I almost laugh at the thought. When has he had time to be with anyone else?

“Sure,” I say, and force my words to come out easily, with no emotion. I’m not going to sit here and wonder what in the world is going on with us. I am not going to let it bother me.

Although, I don’t want him playing games with me either. But I don’t feel like that’s what he’s doing. I feel like he’s probably like me. He doesn’t know what he wants. Or, maybe what he thought he wanted isn’t what he actually wants. I suppose I fit into that category as well.

He stares at his hands, and I feel like there’s something else he wants to say. I wait.

“I don’t party a lot with the team, and honestly, there aren’t a whole lot of big partiers there. It's a pretty clean group of guys. But... It’s my last year, and,” he lifts his head and turns to me. “I’d really be honored if you share it with me.”

I already said I would go, but I think he’s saying something else. Something more than just asking me to go to a preseason party with him. Or maybe he’s just... Feeling like a lot of things are ending. Possibly his dad’s life, and less importantly, hishockey career. His life seems to be taking a sharp turn off the tracks, and maybe he’s just trying to hold on. Or, maybe I’m something steady in his life.

I like the idea that he can depend on me.

“I guess you know I’m not a big party person either, but I’ve never done anything with you and not had a good time.” And that’s the truth. I think he could make washing dishes fun.

He grins at me, and shakes his head. “I’m not supposed to be smiling right now. Stop it.”

“I don’t think your dad wants you to be sad. I mean, I do think that there’s some sadness, but that wasn’t the overwhelming feeling I got from him.”

“No. My dad’s a man of character through and through. I guess just seeing him in there reminded me of that. I wish... I wish I would have spent more time with them and not been so upset about his marriage. But, that’s water under the bridge and I can’t get those years back.”

“No. But I guess there’s always lessons we can learn, and we can try not to make the same mistakes twice.” I know he understands I’m not preaching to him. I’m saying that just as much for me as I am for him. I had trouble forgiving my friend in high school when I felt like she double crossed me and stabbed me in the back. She left town after high school, and I had no idea where she was or what she was doing until I heard she was killed in a head-on collision five years or so ago.

She had been my best friend since elementary school, and she tried to apologize to me, and I wouldn’t listen.

I’ll never have a chance to go back and accept her apology. I’ll never have a chance to go back and say that the stupid boy that I had a crush on turned out to be a loser and I was glad she saved me from him. We could have a good laugh over it and talk about how our friendship meant more than some stupid kid anyway.

Of course, she did make fun of me, but that actually drove me to do something that earned me a page of my own in my yearbook. Walking up Mistletoe Falls. I suppose it could have driven me to worse things, but... Life is what we make of it. Unless we allow other people to dictate what we do, and because of what my friend did, I learned that I don’t have to allow other people to dictate my life. I make the choices. I guide my course, and I choose to follow the Lord, and do right as much as I can.

Except, I didn’t accept her apology.

“Sounds like there’s a story there,” Leo says casually as he pulls his hands from the wheel and starts the car.

“I suppose there is. But, I guess the bottom line is, everyone dies, and you don’t want them to die and leave you with a bunch of regrets.”

“Yeah. I wish I would’ve known that five or ten years ago,” Leo says, and then he shakes his head as he pulls out on the road. “You’d think I would have learned that from my mom’s death. I regret every time I didn’t listen, or gave her lip. I wish she was here to tell me what to do, to give me orders I hate, just so I can smile and be nice to her and thank her for caring and loving me and being here for me.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. We’ve all made stupid mistakes. We’ve all done some things that have hurt people we love.”

I thought of our kiss for some reason when I said that. I guess I was a little hurt by his apology, even though I understood why he apologized. I wish it wouldn’t have happened. I wish I didn’t know what it was like to kiss him. I wish I wasn’t thinking about those things and feeling like he would make a really good father. An awesome husband. An even better preacher.

He hadn’t said anything about what I told him at the beginning of summer, and I’ve never said it again, but the idea was there. He would be so good.

Chapter 31

Nora

This isn’t right.

I look at my bank account again.

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