Page 73 of Leo and His Love Bunny

I love the way she believes in me. She thinks I can do anything. People told me I could play hockey well and I’ve proven that to be true. I make millions of dollars doing it. But this? This I wasn’t sure about, and as I think about it, I realize that Nora has been with me all the way. She’s encouraged me all summer long.

“You know, I haven’t actually gotten to listen to one of your speeches in its entirety. In fact, I bet I’ve heard less than half of it. Maybe I can abandon my duties at the cupcake table and stand in the back and listen today.”

Her words cause a shaft of fear to go through me. I... I’ve spoken in front of tons of people. And it hasn’t bothered me at all, but the idea of speaking in front of Nora...she might hear something she didn’t know about me.

Although, I don’t talk about the leukemia. It’s something that a few people know, but hasn’t been widely reported on.

But regardless of that, it’s the idea that... I care what she thinks. I’m nervous about it. I want her to see that all of her confidence in me is totally founded, and I don’t want her to be disappointed.

I don’t know why I think she might be, but it just feels like she believes in me more than I deserve.

“So, that’s a long silence. Does that mean you don’t want me to?” she asks, and she sounds cheerful, but curious. Not offended. Which is good. I certainly don’t mean to offend her.

“No, I was just thinking. I guess you haven’t heard my whole speech, and the idea of your listening makes me a little nervous.”

“So is that your way of telling me you don’t want me?” she asks, and she still doesn’t sound like I’ve offended her. I think I really could tell her that I didn’t, and she’d be okay with it.

But I don’t want to do that.

“No. I do want you. Although, I know I can trust you to give me an honest assessment, but it’s a little late for that, since this is the last one of the year.”

“You have plenty of sermons coming up and you can have me critique them if you want. But, I don’t think I would listen to you with the idea of critiquing you. I’m curious about you. Can I be a friend and a fan?” She grins over at me, and of course I have to grin back.

“Yeah. As long as I can be the same.”

“You’re a hockey sensation. I’m just a baker in a little town that no one has ever heard of.”

“I’m a fan of your cupcakes. I’m a fan of you. I’m your friend too.” I add that last, just so that it doesn’t take our relationship into unfamiliar, unwelcome territory. I want to go there, but not right now.

“All right. We probably ought to get going,” she says as she grabs the latch and yanks it.

I can do this. I tell myself that as I get out of the car. I know I played games where the pressure was on me a lot harder than this, but I’ve never felt it so much. I really do care about Nora. A lot.

We walk side-by-side to the building, and I’m tempted to take her hand. We’ve held hands a few times before, but it doesn’t seem like something friends would do. Still, it’s what I want. But I resist. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize what we have.

Although, I suppose nothing ventured, nothing gained. I’ve lived by that my whole life, so I’m not quite sure why I’m backing off now. Maybe because Nora is different from anything I’ve done in my whole life. She’s more. More important, and somehow I know that having her beside me will make my life different, better, then it would ever be without her.

It feels like something I don’t want to mess up.

“You probably have your speech memorized by now,” she says as I open the door and she walks in front of me.

“Mostly. Although, sometimes, depending on the audience, I say things I don’t usually say.”

“So you ad lib. Fun,” she says, and I love the sparkle in her eyes, and the way she seems like she fits in wherever she is. Right now, we're in the foyer of a large conference center in a neighboring city and Nora looks like she was born here.

Or maybe that’s just the way she looks through my eyes.

“I’m going to go check on the cupcakes and the table, and I actually already ask Matt if he might be able to stay today. I didn’t remind him before we left, because I wanted to ask you if it was okay.”

“I can’t believe you thought that I might not want you.” Maybe she’s not as confident as she seems. I know that is true of me a lot.

“I think I would be extra nervous if you were in the audience and I was speaking. I don’t get nervous when I give you one of my cupcakes to sample, but that’s because I truly want your opinion. I guess... I guess it does matter to me that you like what I do though.”

She walks off without waiting for an answer from me, and it’s funny as I stand there that she said almost exactly what I’m feeling.

I go to the office, talking to the people I need to. The time flies and before I know it, it is time for me to get on stage and I haven’t seen Nora again.

This goes the same way that almost every other speaking engagement has. Once in a while there’s someone who talks before me, but as a general rule, I am the main billing for the evening. That’s true tonight, and someone gets up and introduces me, and then I’m walking out on the stage.

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