Page 81 of Leo and His Love Bunny

I really messed things up. Why did I do that?

I was annoyed because Rochelle stopped me, and we’ve been over for a long time. We never really got started. She pursued me, I didn’t run fast enough, and I ended up getting caught for a while. But I was never really interested in her. I like the fact that Nora didn’t run after me. She just kind of stood there and allowed me to take time deciding what I want.

And, after seeing her in Dan’s arms, I know exactly what I want.

She had stepped back away from him before I even got there, and I kind of got the feeling that she didn’t want to be where she was. I had seen him standing beside her with his hand out, and I had seen her shake her head no.

I know that Dan would never force her to dance with him, and she wasn’t struggling at all, so that wasn’t it.

It was just the idea. Or, it was just the way...I never felt like that before, like I wanted to rip her away from him, throw her over my shoulder and walk out of there. Maybe I’m not as far removed from my caveman ancestors as I like to think I am.

How am I going to explain that to Nora? And, how am I going to ask her for forgiveness?

She doesn’t seem upset. In fact, she seems rather calm. I realize this as we pull along the street next to her shop, and realize that she hasn’t yelled at me, hasn’t interrogated me, and hasn’t told me what a stupid idiot I am.

In fact, I can’t really imagine Nora telling me that I am a stupid idiot, even though I just was. The idea is... Foreign. Nora is not like that.

That’s one of the things I love about her. She doesn’t get angry. Or, maybe more accurately, when she gets angry, she doesn’t get completely irrational.

Of course, I would give her some irrational leeway, but I think that she tries hard to be fair and not fly off the handle about stupid stuff. Although, I definitely did something stupid, and...I don’t know how to fix it. It almost looks like I don’t need to, but I don’t want to let it go. I can’t treat her like that, and think I’m the kind of man who deserves her. The kind of man who deserves a woman like Nora doesn’t act like that. Except... Maybe it’s okay for me to let her know that I care. I’ve been so afraid to, but... Maybe it’s time.

I get out of the car, and I forgot to tell her to sit still, so she’s out of her side before I walk around. I like the idea of taking care of her, but I’m not sure how she feels about it. Maybe she doesn’t want to sit in her seat and wait on me to get her door for her. We both know that she’s more than capable of getting it for herself, it is just a nice gesture. It’s what I want to do for her.

We walk up the steps and she punches some buttons on the keypad, and the door opens.

She flips the lights on, and then she flips them right back off.

“If I turn the lights on, people might think we’re open,” she says, as she closes the door behind me and locks it from the inside.

I stand in the middle of the floor, cognizant that she must have left the music on, because I can hear something playing low and slow through the speakers. Reminds me of the song that had been playing when we left the party a few minutes ago.

Now that we are here, I can’t believe I did it.

“I’m sorry.” The words come out of my mouth without me even thinking about them. “I can explain what came over me.”

“Okay. Because I thought it was really out of character for you.” She speaks softly, a light from the kitchen illuminatingher a little, but it’s mostly dark shadows, and in a different conversation it might feel romantic. But not right now. Right now I’m trying to figure out how to apologize for something I don’t even understand why I did.

I suck in a breath and blow it out. I want to walk forward, take a step and close the distance between us. Touch her, but I don’t think I have that right.

I put a hand behind my neck and rub it. For some reason it’s a nervous tell. One I know I have, and yet I can’t stop myself from doing it anyway.

“I know we agreed to be just friends, and there is no doubt in my mind that you’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had. If not the best.” I’m not sure why I say it like that. She’s hands-down the best friend I’ve ever had.

I can see her eyes, big in the dim light looking up at me. I can’t do anything but tell her the exact truth. I feel like the truth is the only thing that’s going to get me out of this, not that I’ve ever considered lying to her. I just don’t always say everything that’s in my head or in my heart.

“Let me correct myself. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”

She swallows, and her head tilts just a bit, but she doesn’t say anything.

My hands are sweating, and I resist the temptation to rub them down my jeans.

“You didn’t get upset with me when I didn’t tell you about paying for the cupcakes. You were okay when you found out about the leukemia I had as a kid. I didn’t really deliberately keep those things from you, I just... Realize now I should have told you before you found out another way.”

She still doesn’t say anything, and I try to get my heart to stop feeling like it’s jumping out of my chest as I say more.

“For a while now I’ve been hiding something that I think you should know.”

Her mouth opens, and she recoils just a bit, taking a small step back.

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