Page 1 of Pete and His Precious

Chapter 1

Zoey

I like animals.

I’ve never been a zealot, the way my friend Nolita is. She runs an animal sanctuary just outside of Whisker Hollow, and she rescues all kinds of animals. She’s passionate about it.

Me, on the other hand, I like animals. But, I’m not going to chain myself to a tree and go on a starvation diet trying to save the red and blue spotted owl or something.

Anyway I am loyal to my friends though, so when Nolita asked me if I would go to an animal rights rally with her, the only excuse I could think of was that all of my underclothes were in the wash. Which was true.

“Don’t worry about it. Who needs underthings? This is an animal-rights rally. The closer you are to nature, the better.”

What was I supposed to say to that? Plus, she’s done some crazy things for me. Like gone to my audio signings and auditions, and she supported me through the lean times. Okay. Lean times pretty much describes my entire life, but still. Nolita has been one of those friends that just stick with me, no matter what. I’ve actually been doing a little better, lately, and I was able to afford an apartment in Whisker Hollow. It’s one of the cheapest apartments in the building, but I was excited to move in.

But I digress.

I want to tell you about the defining moment of my life. Or, my most embarrassing moment. They’re one and the same.

It was when I decided to go with Nolita, despite the fact that all of my underthings were in the wash. I don’t typically do that type of thing, but it was a cool day, and I was able to wear a sweater on top of my shirt, and I didn’t feel as awkward as Imight normally. I’ve never gone out in public like that before in my life.

And, knowing what I know now, I’ll never do it again. But, with that said, before the rally, Nolita and I went to Nora’s bakeshop for a cupcake and coffee.

Nolita ended up spilling some of her coffee on her shirt, and, being the good friend that I am, we went into the bathroom where I took off my shirt and gave it to her, so she wouldn’t have to go to the rally with coffee stains on hers. She was expecting to be on the news.

I was just doing what good friends do, right?

Anyway, we went to the rally. It was fairly benign. We were chanting something about saving cats and dogs and aardvarks, when some hunter showed up. That’s when things got a little heated. Now, I’ve never really thought much about mob mentality, at least not before that day. Afterwards, I studied it a good bit, and it’s like this: we’re greatly influenced by peer pressure, and by the energy of the air around us. When we’re in a crowd, and someone shouts fire! We might not see fire, we might not smell fire, we don’t have to have any rational thoughts about whether or not there could possibly be a fire. But other people start running, and we start running to, and we’ll trample anyone who falls down in front of us in our haste to get out. The building might not be on fire. This is a verifiable fact about human nature.

So, now knowing this, as things started to escalate, I found myself getting more and more involved, shouting insults and hurling, well, not obscenities, exactly, but what passes for that in my vocabulary, and getting really, really upset at these people who obviously didn’t know how important aardvark animal-rights are.

In hindsight it seems really ridiculous, but I got so invested in my argument, and winning it and shouting down the other side, that when one of the angry hunters threw their empty sodacontainer at my friend, or, they might have just accidentally dropped it, I can’t even really be sure, regardless, I ripped off my sweater and wailed it at him. Not that my sweater did any real damage, but it did cover his face for all of a half a second and I felt very vindicated.

I didn’t even remember that I didn’t have anything on under my sweater. Nothing. Since my undergarments were in the wash, which was a legitimate excuse, in hindsight, and since my friend had borrowed my shirt, because of her coffee stains.

Have you ever been so wrapped up in shouting down your opponent that you don’t realize that you’re naked from the waist up?

No?

Me either. That was a first. But, I can tell you that it can happen, because it did. Anyway, before I became aware of the situation, some cop came and grabbed me by my... Well anyway, I know it was an accident, because that brought me back to reality, and I knew immediately that he whipped his hand off like he had touched broken glass.

At that point I was embarrassed, but what you do? Especially whenever the cop grabs you from behind, and growls in your ear that you’re going to go to jail for the rest of your life if you so much as move a muscle.

Okay. That’s not exactly what he said, but that’s what I heard in my heightened state of awareness. I froze, and did not move, despite the fact that my entire body had to be tomato red, because that’s the most embarrassed I’ve ever been in my entire life.

There were news cameras all around, and I was on the news. I mean, they blurred out the important bits, but still. My dad saw watches the news!

Plus, I haven’t mentioned this, but I’m an audiobook narrator. My voice is my job, it’s my life, my livelihood. AndI was yelling. I’m not sure which is more out of character. Me being naked, or me yelling.

Anyway, thankfully the cop found some kind of turban, or something, and did his best to make me a little bit modest. That was before he handcuffed me. Honestly, I appreciate it. I never got a chance to thank him though, because he turned me over to some woman, and she took care of the rest of the booking.

My dad’s a lawyer, and well known and respected in Whisker Hollow. I have never taken advantage of my family connections before, but I took all the advantage I could that time, and it’s not even on my permanent record. Thankfully. Dad’s a good lawyer. But, I embarrassed him and my step-mom, and it’s still awkward between us.

They’re really great parents, but they were very disappointed in me. To say the least. Anyway I guess that’s why I’m working so hard to be successful as a narrator. I want my parents to be proud of me. They told me that I should be a lawyer like dad. Mom’s his legal secretary, and they work really well together. Anyway, it’s kind of a family thing, but honestly, the idea of being a lawyer makes my eyes want to cross, and I want to burrow into a hole and die. Could you think of a job that could possibly be more boring?

Except for the tiny bit of excitement you have in your entire life when your daughter is arrested for indecent exposure and she ends up on the local news.

Beyond that. It’s boring.

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