Page 49 of Pete and His Precious

“I’ve never really heard anyone say it like that. That there was no point in doing it all, if it’s not going to have the outcome you wanted, but I think I kind of agree. Although I do see a flaw. Because you don’t really know how it’s going to turn out when you start?”

“No. You don’t. You have no guarantees that the person that you’re marrying is going to change. And I just don’t want to do divorce. I went through one with my parents when I was really young, and I still look back on that time as being one of... I don’t even know if pain is the right word, just fear. It just seems dark and black and fearful and I didn’t know what was going to happen, and I didn’t understand why mom couldn’t stay with us anymore and why they couldn’t get along and... It was just confusing and hard and I don’t want to put any children through that. And I don’t want to go through that as an adult.”

“I see. So does that mean no relationships for you?”

“Well, for me, I know that in the modern day, and I don’t want to be too crude,” she looks down, and stirs her take-out. “But relationships just seem to be about sex. Maybe companionship is a secondary thing, but it’s just about hooking up, you know?”

“Yeah.” I’ve seen this. I am not completely blind to what the rest of the world is doing. I don’t really like it, and I don’t understand it. There doesn’t seem to be any meaning in that. It’s having sex with random people until you’re tired of that person or you fall out of love or whatever you call it, and move on to someone else. I know that wasn’t the way humans were created to be. We were created to be lifelong people. Lifelongrelationships, lifelong building of a family and of the children having children and more children and still the grandparents being together, and we just don’t have that anymore. Not just because people move away from their family without thinking twice about it but also because people have smaller families, and then the crowning jewel, what Zoe and I are talking about, which is basically people just hook up, and then ditch each other when someone else better comes along or they get tired, or whatever. There’s no permanence.

But, I understand how she might take herself out of the game completely, with the idea that what was the point if the marriage wasn’t going to last? What was the point of even having a relationship?

I’m discouraged. I was hoping that there would be something but she seems like she’s not the slightest bit interested.

Still, I guess we can be friends. That seems to be what we are. With no interest or intent of being anything more.

Okay, I try to contain my frustration, and disappointment, but it’s tough. She seems perfect for me. We agree on everything, or maybe not everything, but the important things, and I’ve never met anyone who fits me the way she does. I like that she makes me see things differently, and I feel like I can be good for her too.

Of course, just because she’s not interested in a relationship doesn’t mean that I can’t still try to help her, and maybe that’s what I’ll put my thoughts towards.

She finishes up her food, and it’s almost midnight. Both of us have to be at our jobs at six o’clock, and as much as I hate it, when she says, “I really should be going. I’m sorry I stayed so long,” I say, “I had a great time, and I hate to agree, but I feel bad that you're going to be tired tomorrow morning because of me.”

“I can’t imagine a better reason to be tired. Plus, waitressing doesn’t exactly require a person to be on their A game. You justhave to be willing to walk a lot, and keep people’s drinks filled up. That’s the most important thing.”

I laugh a little, because I’m guilty right there of being upset when I’m in a restaurant, and I’m trying to eat and I’ve been out of a drink for a long time.

I know her apartment isn’t very far away, but I say, “I’ll walk you over,”

She grins, and her laugh fills the air as she acknowledges the fact that her apartment isn’t that far away and we’re being a little bit ridiculous.

It feels so much like the start of a relationship, but she was pretty clear that she wasn’t interested.

Not just in me, but in relationships in particular. Still, I wonder, can I change her mind?

She seems charmed as I do the traditional male things, and so, we move to the kitchen, where I open my door.

“Pete and his precious. Pete and his precious,” Trixie says, as we stand there, Flipper in Zoe’s arms, and look back at the bird.

“I think he just does that for attention,” Zoe says, wrinkling her nose.

It’s such a cute nose, and I want to reach out and tweak it, but I don’t.

“I guess that means I should spend more time with him,” I say, knowing that bird gets just as much attention with me as he did with Leo. Probably more. But, I don’t try to defend myself that way. Maybe I will try to spend more time with it.

It’s two steps to her door, and she hands me her keys so I can unlock it for her, and I open the door, holding the key out as she walks by.

She grins a little as though she knows how ridiculous she’s going to sound, but she says, “You can come in for a drink if you want to.”

“Nah. I need to let you get to sleep. But, maybe I’ll see you in the morning.”

I’d like to say I’m going to make sure of it, but it takes me longer to get to Baxley’s house than it takes her to get to the restaurant, and we probably won’t cross paths, because I’ll leave earlier.

That makes me a little bit sad, but it’s probably for the best if we're not going to have a relationship.

Although, I really like the idea of rising to the challenge and trying to convince her that I’m someone who will go with her to the grave, and I won’t leave her, or divorce her. That she can take a chance on me.

Still, if I take that route, I know that I probably have a better than fifty percent chance of having my heart broken, and broken badly. Because I’m really starting to like her.

Chapter 16

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