Page 33 of Forbidden Impulses

A reluctant chuckle slips from my lips.

"I was you once. Lost, afraid and up shit creek without the paddleandthe boat. I had someone offer me a helping hand then, so I'm offering you one now."

Her words fill me with a smattering of hope and my tummy fills with eager butterflies at what she might say next.

"I had to fire someone a few weeks ago. They were stealing from the register, which is why the gallery is closed a half day every second day. If you can learn how to manage the register, the position is yours. It doesn't pay much. But the bonus is, Ireallyam looking for an apprentice. Andthatposition comes with room and board, so you won't have to worry about paying rent. Mind you," she continues after giving me a second to take in her words, "That won't leave you with an awful lot of free time, and I have a feeling the little time you will have, you’ll probably be spending in the studio."

"That's fine!" I rush to agree. She's not wrong either. I need to get my portfolio filled up so I can get enough pieces together for a gallery viewing. If I'm extra lucky, Imight even get Chloe to give me some space on her floor for my pieces.

"Okay, good. The room is small, and you'll be sharing a kitchen and living space with me, so I'll expect you to clean up after yourself and help with the cooking, but the bed's comfortable and I'm not a terrible cook," she says to me as she gets up and indicates I follow her into a passage I hadn't even noticed until she went down it.

She isn't wrong.

The room is minuscule. But I'm overjoyed that I've found something so soon after leaving Lorcan and Montgomery.

And if I'm very busy, it won't give me any time to worry about my friendship with Suzie and the pieces of my heart I left all over the floor in the bedroom at the lodge.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Annie

The furnace's heat blasting against my face is a comforting warmth, reminding me I'm still alive. Sweat runs down my face, neck and spine as I work the punty into the small hole and count to a beat in my head.

When itfeelsright, I pull the pipe out and bring the large hunk of molten glass to the workbench where Chloe is ready for me. Under her careful gaze, I shape, blow, and work the glass into the shape I want. I can't afford to give too much of my focus to Chloe because I need to get this done exactly right, but there's still a small part of me that sneaks peeks at her to see if she's in any way unhappy with what I'm doing.

Several times over the last few weeks, she’s fought with me, harping on that I'm too worried about what others would want, what others think. I know she's right. But no matter how hard I try, I can't stop worrying that I'm disappointing her like I disappointed my parents.

The sharp burn snaps my attention back to what I'm doing. "Fuck!" I cry out as I pull my hand away from the hot vase I've been working on. Unfortunately, I move so quickly that I nudge the bar holding my current piece and it's just hard enough that the vase falls off the bar and lands on the floor with a loud crash, glass shards scattering everywhere.

Chloe clucks her tongue before turning on her heel and walking out of the studio she's allowed me to share with her. "Get out of your head, Annabelle. You're not going to get it right until you get yourself right. Now get that burn sorted before cleaning up your mess. And when you're ready to try again, you know where to find me. But I'm done observing you being a dum-dum." She throws the words over her shoulder as she strolls out. When she makes it to the door, she looks over her shoulder, her face pulled into a careful mask of annoyance, but I can see the slight worry in her gaze.

Living in such proximity with Chloe has had a few results.

For one, I've gotten to know her and her tells pretty well. She likes to pretend she's grumpy and crotchety, but really she's just a lonely soul. Secondly, she's a very easy person to talk to. After she found out I couldn't cook to save my life, she took it upon herself to teach me the basics, and during our lessons, she dragged my tales of heartbreak from me.

Regardless of the fledgling friendship we're starting, she's still very much my boss and my mentor. And in no way a replacement for the friend I'm missing as if someone had ripped out my heart.

For the first week, I'd kept my cell off. Once I'd putit on, there were so many voicemails and messages from both Lorcan and Monte. I ignored them all. I still can't bring myself to open any of them and look at them because I might cave, and I can't afford to do that.

What surprised me, though, were the messages from Suzie. Those I did open.

Other than some missed calls, there wasn’t anything from her in the first few days. But dated three days after I'd taken off, there was one from her that just said they were going back home.

Then a couple of days later, she just asked me to let her know I was okay because everyone was worried.

The one that finally got to me, though? Suzie sent me a super long message that I've read so many times it's almost like I can see it in front of me.

Annie, come home.

I'm so sorry for the way I reacted. If I'm being honest, and I have to be, because I was with Monte and Lorcan, I kind of like the idea of you with them. They need someone to look after, and you so very much want someone to care for you. More than anything, my reaction was because you didn't share with me. You didn't tell me, your best friend, about any of it. But I can get past that. Just come home. They miss you. I miss you. And honey, you and I both know, you need them.

It's okay to need someone, Annie. Your parents never gave you that luxury. But come back, and let them teach you it's okay. It's okay to love. To be loved and more than anything, there’s nothing wrong with needing someone.

It hit me hard, and I was pretty useless inside the studio after that for a few days.

Chloe is right.

I have to get out of my head. More than anything, I have to get these feelings figured out so I can move forward and start doing the things I'm supposed to be doing.

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