Page 107 of My Turn

“No.”

“If you’re gonna fuck me, do it with the mask. I can’t look at your goddamn face, Jayce.”

Picking her up, I set her on top of the dresser. She kicked at me when I pulled off her jeans. Without any preamble, I thrust inside of her roughly, making her grip my arms tightly.

“You say that, but you still want to fuck me. You see how insane that is, right?”

“Then I’m insane,” she said before she gasped. “But you’re worse.”

“Yes, I am.” The dresser shook, knocking over a picture and some bottles of perfume. Her nails drew blood on my arms and it only made me fuck her harder. “I’m gonna fuck you like he would and you’re going to look atmyface. You’re going to look intomyeyes and realize you love every horrifying, monstrous part of me because we belong to each other, now and forever, in life and in death. And if you want to kill me, at least give me one last taste of your corrupt soul.”

“If it’s corrupt, it’s only because you made it that way.”

“I’ll happily spend an eternity in hell for that. Do you know why?” She stared, waiting. “Because it puts you right there beside me. There’s no escape, baby, and it’s time for you to accept that you don’t want one.”

Chapter 39

Alana

Edgar Allen Poe once said,‘I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.’

Had I gone mad? It was possible. Maybe I was living in a land of delusions. But which was the delusion- loving Jayce or leaving him? I couldn’t very well do the second one. He’d find me; that much I was sure of. He was dangerous, yes, but in a way that was worse than your run-of-the-mill criminal. Jayce was smart and clever. He was methodical and no matter what situation he was put in, I suspected that he could find a way out.

Things were fine, objectively. He didn’t let me stay at my own place anymore, which was okay, I guess. I wanted to be near him most of the time. Then, I’d overthink it the way I was now. Usually, it happened when I was away from him. There weren’t many instances where that happened except when I was working.

What did I want? I couldn’t fucking figure it out and every time I thought I did, something swayed me. It was scary to think that it could be like this forever- the mistrust, the uncertainty, and the fear that he could actually hurt me. I didn’t really believehe would. He’d been in love with me for twelve years, so why would he do that now?

Obsession, though… It was a terrifying thing. The more I looked into it, the more concerned I became. I watched his movements and body language. I analyzed the way he kissed me and fucked me. Any variation from what I was used to could be a sign that something was wrong. I’d seen You, and that motherfucker had a tendency to kill the women he professed to love.

No, that wasn’t Jayce. Not my Jayce. I loved him and there was no denying it. Thinking about spending my life with him brought a smile to my face. I imagined getting married, going on a honeymoon to Europe, and getting a cat someday.

The man had done things that were beyond questionable. They were downright terrible. Sick, even. He was right, though. I’d accepted him as Erebus in some weird, fucked up way. I loved Jayce to death and I could accept his darkness. He wasn’t dangerous to me and the only people he’d hurt had been a threat to me. It wasn’t moral, but the more I thought about it, I felt sure that we’d get through this.

It had been a week already and things were great at home. We cooked together, watched TV, went on walks, and gardened. We had a lot of sex and, goddamn, the man could fuck. I’d never experienced anything like it. No disrespect to my late fiancé. That part was still weird, but not as bad as I’d thought it would be all this time.

Yeah. We could make it work. We’d have a discussion to make sure there’d be no more future kills and I’d come to terms with the ones in the past. That was the best way to move forward.

The bell rang and students shuffled out of the classroom. With the end of the quarter coming up, they were preparing for finals, so I’d been giving them a lot of study time. Maybe part ofit was because my brain was all whacky and I wasn’t confident in my teaching abilities right now.

Grabbing my bag, I did a once-over to make sure the classroom was in order. It was Friday and there was no way I’d stay late. Principle McKay could suck my lady dick if he tried to say something about it.

When I passed Mike’s door, I paused. It looked so different now. His stuff had been cleared out and a sub had been teaching his class. I was still in shock about his death. Suicide, according to authorities, but… Well, I tried not to think about that too much either. The fact was, I felt safer without him, so regardless of how he’d gone out, it was better.

As I approached my car, I pulled out my phone. One thing I’d been thinking about a lot lately was my brother. My conversation with him triggered something in me. We’d been distant from each other for so long and I didn’t want that. Even if we only saw each other on holidays or something, I wanted to have some sort of relationship. Christmas was coming up quickly. Maybe we could spend it together.

From the way he’d spoken to me on the phone, I thought he would feel the same way. There was genuine affection in his voice and it struck a chord in my heart.

It rang for a while, then went to voicemail. This was the third time I’d tried this week. Maybe I was wrong about him wanting to have a relationship. If he was ignoring my calls and texts, he obviously didn’t want to talk.

Chewing on my lip, I backed out of the space. Ben had lived in the same house for five years. I’d only been there once, but I knew exactly where it was. Even though we didn’t talk for a long time, I drove by once in a while to check if his car was still there.

The Mustang was in the driveway, so I assumed he was home. Before I’d even stepped out of my car, my phone rang. With a frown, I answered it.

“Jayce, what’s up?”

“Where are you?”

“I just left work. Why?”

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