Page 122 of My Turn

“Don’t worry, baby. I’m getting you out of here.”

*****

Alana looked beautiful surrounded by flowers. I’d used my usual materials to surround her in the vessel but added more to it. Nestled among it all, she was radiant. It reinforced how perfect she was. To look just as stunning as she had in life was a hell of a feat. But, of course, she accomplished it.

I trailed my fingers down the side of her face. With my thumb, I brushed over her cheekbone, then her lips. If I had less of my wits about me, I’d probably want to preserve her and keep her down here, but that wouldn’t help anything. She’d still decompose and I had no interest in freezing her, so I’d do the next best thing. I would keep her forever but also give her a purpose. It’s what I would want for myself if the roles were reversed. I liked to believe that she would choose to join me in death just like I was going to.

Along with my emotions came more anger. I couldn’t keep it away for long. There was something more infuriating about atragedy that was outside of your control but happened because of what you’d done.

If I hadn’t given her that gun… If I’d blocked her better and taken the bullet somewhere it would have lodged inside of me. If I’d said something different to the officers. If I’d tried harder to take the gun before they got there. If… If… If…

I took a deep breath and shook my head. It couldn’t be changed. I accomplished what I wanted to do. I had her and it didn’t matter that I’d lost her. With her, I peaked, so now I just had to plan for the day I returned to her.

Brushing my fingers through her hair, I continued to stare down at her. Some people would say that it was easy to imagine they were sleeping. I couldn’t do that, nor did I want to. One thing I wouldn’t do was become delusional about it. I’d force myself to face it every day. I’d come down here and watch as she became part of nature. I’d use her body to make a new batch of wine untouched by anyone else. Then, I would drink it and that would be the end.

“Is that…”

I whirled around, trying to position myself in front of Alana. Alicia stared with wide eyes, then looked at me.

“Alicia, what the fuck are you doing here?”

“I…” She dropped her gaze. “I wanted to see you.”

“How’d you get here? Did someone bring you?”

I peered around her. If one of my parents was here, I didn’t know what I’d do. They definitely wouldn’t be okay with this. They’d probably try to have me committed.

“I took a bus,” she said. “A couple of them. My phone told me which ones.”

Swiping a hand down my face, I tried to come up with an explanation. What the fuck would I say? She was too old to believe my excuses.

“What are you doing to her?” she asked, taking a few steps forward.

I regarded her carefully, then moved to the side. She walked the rest of the way to the vessel and looked at Alana. Her head cocked. I didn’t think she seemed scared; more curious.

“I’m immortalizing her,” I replied.

“Is that what you did to my dad?’

My mouth opened, but it took me a minute to respond. “No.”

“I heard you from the stairs that day.” She looked down at her feet. “I’m sorry I was eavesdropping.”

Coming up behind her, I put a hand on her shoulder. “So, you heard everything?” She nodded. “Aren’t you… angry? Or scared.”

“I was, but then being scared got Aunt Alana killed. It was my fault.”

Fuck.

Turning her around, I crouched so that we were eye to eye. “You didn’t know. You thought you were helping.”

“But I should’ve known you wouldn’t hurt each other. You loved her and she loved you.”

“Sometimes, people still hurt each other, love or no love.” With a sigh, I tucked her hair behind her ears. “You’re not little, so I’m not going to lie to you. That’s not how our relationship works. I was mad. I still am mad and part of me wants to direct that at you. But I can’t.”

A tear made a path down her cheek. “Why not?”

“Because you’re my niece. Genetically, you’re basically my own kid. And you’re nine.”

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