Page 81 of My Turn

I shook my head and closed the distance between us. When I wrapped her in my arms, she let out a shuddering breath and returned the embrace. I reached up to unwind the tie from her hair, letting it fall loosely over her shoulders. As I pulled back, I ran my fingers through it.

“I’m sorry,” I said softly.

She shook her head. “I know… I know what you feel for me. We should’ve addressed it a long time ago. It’s my fault.”

“No, I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.” Her expression fractured along with my heart. “I’ll be whatever you need, Alana. Just don’t push me out. I can’t live with that.”

“Maybe one day, Jayce. I can’t make any promises, but I also can’t deny that I feel something for you too.”

The beat in my chest quickened. “What do you feel?”

“I can’t say it. I’m not ready. And I don’t want you to stop living your life because of something that might never happen.”

“You’ve always been the only one for me. Nothing has changed that and it never will.”

Tears brimmed in her eyes. I smiled before I pressed a kiss to her forehead. It was an agonizing few seconds that we stayed like that. Torture and bliss combined, just like when I was Erebus, but reversed. As him, I had her body, but not her heart. And as me, I had her heart. It was more important, but there was still too much uncertainty.

My plan had been good, in theory. It had flaws, sure, but I was confident enough in it. Now that it was real, though, I was fucking terrified.

Things between us were too fragile right now. I needed to focus on our true relationship, on making sure we moved forward. That meant I’d have to go back to watching. There were too many ways this could go wrong. I’d wanted to break her perfectly, but things had a tendency to fissure in multiple places, in ways you might not be able to predict or prepare for.

One day, she said. I’d cling to that ‘maybe’ with a death grip. The question that remained was what I planned to do going forward. If I continued seeing her as my other self, I didn’t know if it would help or hinder the situation. She was keeping the whole thing to herself, hiding it, even from me. Did that mean she didn’t trust me to protect her or was she trying to keep mesafe? Further than that, did it mean that she was beginning to trust Erebus? And if she was, would she be angry or relieved when she learned the truth?

Chapter 30

Alana

Staring out of my bedroom window, I couldn’t rid myself of the question I’d been asking too much lately. Was he out there?

Erebus seemed to know everything and he was around when I least expected it. I wondered where he stationed himself when he didn’t want to be seen. How often did he watch me? Did he know my every move?

Admitting my feelings for Jayce yesterday scared me for more than one reason. There was the obvious, then there was Erebus. He’d threatened him already, which was part of why I didn’t involve Jayce in what was going on anymore. I couldn’t put him in danger and I didn’t know what my stalker was capable of. If he knew what I felt, how my heart ached for that man, what would he do?

Maybe he already knew considering he seemed omniscient. If he did, though, I’d imagine he would want me to stay away from him altogether. The only person he explicitly forbade me from seeing was Mike, which still pissed me off. He had a crush, but he was respectful enough to be my friend. He didn’t pose any danger to me.

That thought beget another. Erebus meant to show me why I shouldn’t trust Mike. It was Friday afternoon and I still hadn’t seen or heard from him.

Any sane person would be glad. I didn’t want my stalker contacting me or showing up.Thatwas the dangerous thing, not Mike or my feelings for Jayce. Yet, there was a part of me that felt, I don’t know, offended by his silence. Maybe he was bored of me or decided I wasn’t worth all the time and effort it took to invade my life.

Good riddance. But, stupid bitch that I was, I pulled out my phone.

Alana:Did karma finally strike you down?

Read. That was immediate. No bubbles popped up, though. Was it dumb that I felt rejected?

“Shit,” I muttered, leaning my hands on the windowsill. I rested my forehead against the glass and willed myself to get a grip.

Stalker bad. Reality good. I might have to make it my new mantra.

My body reacted to Erebus in ways that I hated. He’d forced pleasure from me, ripped it out of my grasp and played me like a puppet. When he was here yesterday, it was different. Seeing him on my balcony awoke a hellish sort of excitement. I was wet at the thought of him touching me before I’d even closed the door on Mike.

It was disgusting. In my grief, I’d somehow latched onto the obsession of a psychopath. Wasn’t that the thing, though? That sort of all-consuming feeling could be intoxicating. Addicting. It blazed with white hot flame, igniting passion and irrefutable need. Fire also burned. It killed.

I shoved aside the memories of Jake that arose every time I thought about fire. I didn’t want him in my head right now.Whether I was with Jayce or Erebus, Jake didn’t belong. He was my past, yet he haunted me when I was alone. When Erebus had his hands on me, all of that disappeared. There was panic, sure, but there was also a welcome silence in my head. He erased my former life while he was around and I craved that. I craved him.

Heat ignited between my legs along with the pulse of my arousal. I thought about the way he’d put his mouth on me yesterday with no revulsion. He wanted to drink from my pussy, blood and all, and from the way he’d groaned as he did it, I knew he’d enjoyed it. He was sick and twisted. And I was worse because I wanted him to do it again.

My breath fogged the glass as I focused on that feeling in my core. Swallowing hard, I lifted one hand off the sill and slipped it into my jeans. Just a brief touch on my clit made me whimper. Closing my eyes, I imagined that creepy neon mask, lit up in the dark and poised above me while he thrust into me. He was large enough that it stretched me to the point of pain when he first entered me.

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