Page 82 of My Turn

I imagined the way his body felt under my hands. He was solid muscle, his skin soft without too much hair. His shoulder blades were sharp and when he fucked me, he rippled with strength and power. If he wanted to, he could break me with hardly any effort. It made his soft touches feel like gifts.

My lips parted and a moan left me. Moving my finger back and forth over my clit, I imagined that Erebus was out there right now, watching me touch myself. It didn’t matter that somebody else could catch a glimpse of me in the window. I wanted him to see me taking control of my own body. I wanted him to wonder if I was thinking about him and to feel angry if he thought I might be imagining somebody else.

With a jolt, I let pleasure wash over me. Fire and electricity erupted between my legs and my knees wobbled with the fierce sensations. Once it began to fade, the guilt started to creep in.

God, what was wrong with me? All of my neighbors could have seen my display. I snapped the curtains closed and breathed heavily.

This was when I should start therapy. There was no way I’d admit all of this, though, so it was pointless. Poor, traumatized little Alana with all of her issues. I didn’t really care what science said about me. In my opinion, Ben turned out worse than me with his illegal activities, so all in all, I was doing fine.

I’d been going back and forth about reaching out to him. Our relationship was weird. It always had been. After our parents were arrested, we grew even further apart. I’d never been sure why, but I couldn’t bring myself to care enough to fix it.

With a muttered curse, I pulled out my phone. I put it on speaker and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Lana?” he answered, sounding unsure.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“Damn. I thought it must’ve been a butt dial.”

“Nope. It was intentional.” I gripped the sheet tightly and took a deep breath. “How… how are you?”

“Good. Business has been great. Bean is keeping me busy.”

“Bean?”

“My three-legged cat. You haven’t seen him on my Instagram?”

I didn’t follow him. Honestly, I didn’t even know he had an Instagram, let alone a cat. It seemed weird that a cat was keeping him busy. Didn’t they do their own thing most of the time?

“I don’t use a lot of social media,” I replied dismissively.

“Right, yeah. You probably have better things to do. Bettering the children of America, protecting them from stray bullets and all that.”

I frowned but decided not to humor him. “So, have you talked to Jayce lately?”

There was an unnaturally long silence on the other end. “No. You?”

My teeth ground together. If he felt the need to lie about it, whatever deals they’d been striking with each other must not have been good. Then again, Ben was notoriously secretive. It was possible he wouldn’t betray Jayce even if he’d just bought some Cuban cigars from him.

“Ben, I know he changed those grades for you.”

“Fuck. What do you want?”

“I just want to know why. What’d he need from you?”

“Look, Lana. My business rides on me respecting people’s discretion. Doesn’t matter if it’s the guy my sister’s in love with.”

I scoffed. “I’m not.”

“Whatever. I just can’t do it.”

“I’m scared, Ben. It’s dangerous.”

“It was just some grades.”

“He shouldn’t be involved with you at all,” I shouted. “Now I’m in the middle of it and I don’t want to end up burned because you can’t keep your hands out of the cookie jar.”

“He’d never let anything happen to you, trust me. He’s done worse to protect you.”

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