Page 155 of Stolen Bases

“Cam has been beating himself up over this whole thing, and you’re telling me this happened over a decade ago? Do you hear how childish that sounds?”

“I know, but…” He rubs his temples in thought before speaking. “It’s not just that, okay? It’s complicated.”

“Well then, uncomplicate it for me because Cam pretty much broke up with me. He doesn’t want to come between us.” Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating a bit, but it felt an awful lot like goodbye when Cam put me in the car this morning.

Nico looks shocked at that information. “Wait, so he broke up with you?”

“Not officially, but yeah, kind of. He said we should take some time apart. But you know that’s just fancy talk for break up.”

“What an asshole.”

“Cam’s not an asshole. He’s trying to do the right thing.”

Nico drops his fork in disgust. “Ugh, that’s why he’s an asshole. Fucking goodie two-shoes.”

“Nic,” I chide. My instincts are telling me to dig into his brain and figure him out. “This is about a lot more than just him hooking up with some girl you liked in college. Talk to me.”

“First off, I fucking loved her. I thought Chuck was the one. Then I saw her come out of his room after this big party at the baseball house. He thought he was all suave walking her to her car at four in the morning. But I saw him. Fucker. Fucked my girl.”

I roll my eyes at his outburst. I do not want to talk about Cam being with someone else. “And second?”

“I’d rather eat dirt than admit this, but I know you won’t leave me alone. So…” He chugs his wine and wipes his lips on the back of his hand. “When he started on the team, I used to see him leave every morning at five sharp. A car would be parked outside the house waiting for him. He had taken another senior’s starting spot, and I was pissed. He practically strutted onto the team with his good-boy attitude. We were all pissed. But I was also so damn curious. Thought maybe whatever info I found out,I could use against him. So, one day I followed him. Borrowed a car from a buddy and waited outside. Like he did every morning, he came out at five and climbed into the waiting car. I followed the car to the canyons and parked. I watched him and his dad climb out of the car. The old guy sat on the hood of the car with a stopwatch while Miller ran up the hill. When he returned from his run or whatever, the two of them had a good laugh, chatted, and then threw the ball around.”

My eyes water as I listen to my brother tell me something I didn’t know about Cam and his dad, Mark, and the special bond they share.

The story my mom relayed earlier hits me in the chest, and tears well in my eyes.

Oh, Nico.

“You were jealous,” I whisper. Tears spill from the corner of my eyes for the broken little boy who didn’t understand why his dad left him.

“So fucking jealous, Lia. I hated myself for it. The more I hated myself, the angrier I got at Miller. Vicious cycle. I would give him such a hard time, but I couldn’t stop. Every time I saw his dad sitting in the stands, cheering him on, I’d get pissed off, wondering why the fuck my dad left me. Then I met Chuck.”

“Who is Chuck?” I ask, confused.

“Sorry. She’s, um, she’s the girl I met in college and fell head over heels for. Anyway, she helped me understand I was projecting my anger. She convinced me to look our dad up.” He drops his head into his hands.

I can feel it in my gut. What Nico found wasn’t good. “What did you find out, Nico?”

“He’s remarried. Lives in New York with his new wife and their two sons.” Nico’s eyes glass over, and my stomach bottoms out. No wonder he’s so messed up. He feels abandoned and unwanted by his own father. “I hit rock bottom after that, drinking to numb the pain. I pushed Chuck away. Didn’t think I deserved a girl likeher in my life. I mean, what can I offer her when my own father didn’t even want me?”

“Fuck that guy, Nico.”

His eyes snap up to mine. “Did you just cuss?”

I bite my lip. “Yeah. Cam’s rubbing off on me. He keeps telling me I don’t have to be perfect all the time, just me.”

Nico harrumphs. I know it’s going to take time, but I think someday Nico might come to accept Cam. Maybe even like him. They would hate for me to say it, but they really are similar.

“Seriously, Nico, fuck that sperm donor. We didn’t need him anyway. We had Mom and Zia. You didn’t need him to throw a ball with you to become one of the best players in the MLB. You did that because you worked hard, and you are fucking talented. You’ve won home run derby competitions, you played in one of those perfect game things, and I have a feeling you’re going to win the World Series someday. And you know what? You did all those things without a dad. You didn’t need him because he was absolutely worthless. We were stronger without him.”

“We are pretty fucking awesome, aren’t we?”

“Hell yes.” Nico’s honesty has me finding the courage to do the same. “Real talk: for the longest time, I blamed myself. I felt like it was my fault he left you and Mamma.”

“Lia, no.” He shakes his head and clenches his fists on the table. “He’s the one who left and missed out.”

“That’s what Cam said. Said mom loved me more, and that’s why she had me.” My mind drifts back to our talk in the hot tub all those months ago. It made me feel seen. Valued. I wasn’t ready then to talk about this stuff, but being with Cam has given me the confidence I need to go after what I want.

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