Page 1 of Kenzi's Little Christmas Wish

Chapter 1

Kenzi stared at the contents of her fridge and realized she would either have to go out to find something to eat, or go hungry for just a little while longer. But she was in no mood to face the outside world, or the cheerful rays of the sun just yet. She was going to have to go with the latter option. Closing the fridge, she slowly trudged back to her living room and fell back on her couch. She closed her eyes and willed herself to sleep, but that particular respite eluded her. Instead, she was tortured with images of him behind her eyelids.

For a few seconds, she let herself get caught up in the good memories; the taste of his lips, the feel of his hands, the hard rugged expanse of his chest… when he allowed her to touch him. She could almost hear his voice when he whispered in her ear, telling her what to do and how to please him. She recalled the very few glimpses of himself he allowed her to see when she managed to pleasure him hard enough that the façade he so carefully kept slipped. The way he could make her wait and even more than that, the toe-curling feeling she got when he finally rewarded her for her obedience.

But soon, those recollections were replaced by the bad memories; the sound of his voice as he told her he could no longer be with her. Her naivety in thinking this was just one more of his games. And then, the devastation she felt when she realized he was serious. The heart wrenching sobs that came after, and the numb sensation that she was feeling now.

Yeah, there was no way she was going to sleep now. The low growl of her stomach told her she may have underestimated how hungry she was. Grabbing her purse, she began to make a mental list of the things she would need to buy. But, as she went through her purse, Kenzi realized that she was just a little bit past low on cash and swiftly approaching broke. It had been two weeks since she cashed her last paycheck. She had lost her job at the bar after the break up with Barry. It was weird to think of him by his name. Most of the time they spent together, she had little cause to call him by that name.

Now, she mentally edited her grocery list to fit the change she had in her purse and the low balance available on her credit card. She grabbed her coat and was reaching for the door, when someone opened it from outside and stepped in, briefly letting in the cold Christmas air.

“Hey,” her roommate greeted, and Kenzi’s eyes lit as she spied the box of pizza in her hands.

“Debbie,” Kenzi said, taking one step forward. “I have never been so happy to see you.”

“Really?” Debbie smiled, and opened her arms to receive the hug she thought she was getting. Then she chuckled when her roommate went for the pizza instead. “I knew you only loved me for the food I bring.”

“Yeah, that and those Manolo Blahniks. Don’t forget, those shoes were the only reason why I actually allowed you to move in with me,” Kenzi joked, placing the pizza box on the table in the living room and getting napkins from the kitchen. Debbie dropped her tote bag on the couch and followed her.

“And here I thought it was because we’ve been friends since high school.”

Kenzi chuckled at that, and Debbie paused a bit behind her. “Well, I gotta say that I’m kind of happy to see you smiling once again.”

“Yeah.” Kenzi made a noncommittal sound as she picked up the box of napkins and headed back to the living room.

“I mean, you are feeling better now, right?” Debbie asked, still trying to gauge Kenzi’s reaction.

“Nobody died Debby,” Kenzi replied curtly. “I just got dumped.”

She must have realized how she sounded, because she turned around with an apologetic look on her face. “Sorry for biting your head off, I just don’t want to talk about it.”

“I don’t mind you biting my head off; I just wish you’d talk to me. I mean, you went out with the guy for almost four years, and for him to just dump you like that is not cool at all.”

“He didn’t really dump me. We both decided that the relationship wasn’t going anywhere.” The lie was boldfaced and so blatant, Kenzi could not even meet her roommate’s eyes.

“Are you sure about that? Because it’s been almost two weeks since you both amicably dissolved your relationship.” She put air quotes around the word relationship. “Two weeks where you have barely gone outside for any reason at all, barely eaten anything except for dry cereal. You lost your job and you wouldn’t even talk to me about that one. Hell, it’s been weeks since I heard you laugh. And I can’t even believe I am saying this, but I miss that terrible sound you make when you laugh.”

“You are not my mother, you know!” Kenzi stated defensively.

“Don’t I know it! At least if I was, then maybe your boyfriend would have been polite enough to stay for more than five minutes every time he visited you here. He might have come for dinner, or maybe even slept over every once in a while.”

“If you honestly think that my mother would allow my boyfriend to stay with me overnight, then you don’t really know her… or me, for that matter.”

“Come on, you know what I mean. The guy was spooky, and not in a good way. I think it’s great you guys finally broke up. If you ask me, he was too domineering.”

He was that and more, but Kenzi didn’t say anything… just picked up a slice of pizza and started to eat. The truth was that she had no reply to Debbie’s accusation because they were true, mostly. So, she focused on the hot slice of pizza in her hand. It had been a really long time since she had felt the desire to eat anything other than a few handfuls of cheerios at a time. Either she was really hungry, or she had started to get over Barry. The empty and dark feeling in her heart told her it was probably the former.

Realizing that she was getting nowhere, Debbie groaned in exasperation and grabbed a napkin. “Well, you can’t keep mooching forever.”

Kenzi nearly scoffed at that one, then suddenly realized that her friend was right and she was not dealing with the break up as well as she should. “I’m sorry, okay? For the bitchy mood and everything. And yes, it is because of the breakup, but I still don’t want to talk about it.”

Debbie considered that for a while. “Okay, I’ll let it go for now, on one condition.”

“What is that?” Kenzi asked, as she went for her second slice of pizza. It turns out she was even hungrier than she thought she was.

“Did you love him?” Debbie asked, and Kenzi paused with the pizza halfway to her mouth.

She didn’t need to think of her response, but she needed to decide if she was ready to talk to her friend about it. “Yes, I did,” she finally answered. “I still do. And I used to think he loved me, too.”

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