Page 14 of Property Of Nicky

“Yeah, it’s great. Everyone is so nice. And it’s fun.” Her cheerful voice has me looking up.

“That’s good. Glad to hear it.”

She studies me for a moment, and I can tell she wants to say something but is holding back. Finally, she decides to go for it. “Are you doing okay, boss? Not that I’m trying to be nosy, but you seem kind of upset and sometimes it’s good to talk to someone. Even if it’s a stranger. I always feel that strangers give the best advice because they’re not biased or a part of the situation and can see it from a different point of view.”

The sincerity in her voice and kindness in her eyes has me mulling over her words. Yeah, maybe she’s right. And maybe she’s just the person I should talk to. “You got any advice on how to make the woman I’m so goddamn in love with believe me when I say I’m not going to hurt her? Because right now, I’ve done everything, and yet she still won’t give me her heart.”

Her soft, concerned smile is genuine and I already know I like this girl. Max chose well, and this girl is going to be a keeper. My dad would have liked her, too.

“My advice would be to keep fighting and to never give up. She’s obviously scared and has trust issues, and if you stop fighting for her, you just feed them. Instead, you have to show up every day and show her that she’s worth it. You have to show her that no matter what, you’ll always be there for her. And you need to bring her into your world, show her everything, and make her see that you want her in it. Then whatever fears she has will start washing away, maybe slowly, but they will. And in time, she’ll trust what you have is real and her heart won’t have a choice in the matter.”

I nod as I soak in everything she just said. She’s right. I need to keep fighting. I need to keep showing my girl that nothing will make me leave. I need to get off my fucking ass right now and get to her, because all I’ve done for the last three days is show her that I have no problem walking away. I wasn’t walking away. No way in hell. But given what I just heard, I’m pretty sure my Nick and her lack of trust for my feelings is thinking that I walked away so easily and didn’t turn back.

I’m out of my seat and heading to the door, throwing a thanks to Chrissy over my shoulder as I run to my bike to go get my angel.

CHAPTER 8

Nicky

The pound on my door has me dragging my ass out of bed. I’m pretty sure it’s Riff coming to give me food and ream me out again for working too hard and not giving Joe any of my time. I haven’t been working hard; in fact, I’ve barely been working at all these last three days. I’ve just been using it as an excuse to stay locked in this room all day. I’ve been locked away because I don’t want to be around anyone. I’m hurting, and where my sister likes to surround herself with people when she’s upset, I like to be alone. I like to nurse my wounds in private and cry my ugly tears without anyone here to witness them.

I throw a sweatshirt over my head because I’m in the same clothes I was in for the last two days and I don’t want Riff to start becoming suspicious that something’s going on with me. I check my face in the mirror just to make sure I don’t look like a total wreck before I turn to go open the door. Thankfully, I just woke up from a nap, so the sadness hasn’t had a chance to seep in yet, but as soon as I’m done with Riff, I’ll be a ball of mess again.

I pull the door open, with a fake smile set in place, but as soon as I see who it is, it falls. The tears instantly fill my eyes, and I’m pulled into strong arms. The arms I’ve been missing for the last three days. Trigger pushes us inside my room and just holds me while I cry my eyes out. I should be pushing him away right now. I should be telling him to go. But I can’t. I’ve missed him so much and I need him. For three days, I’ve been broken. For three days, I’ve been in the most severe pain of my life. And for three days, I’ve been wishing he’d come back to me. He’s here now, and even though I don’t know for how long, I don’t care. I’ll take whatever I can get.

“Aw, babe.” His sweet voice has me latching onto him tighter. I’m lifted in the air and carried over to my bed. He takes a seat on the end and places me on his lap, cradling me in his arms. “I’m so sorry I left, baby. Everything I said, the way I behaved, I’m sorry for all of it.” He hugs me tighter, like he’s afraid I’ll disappear. “I was scared, baby. I am scared. I want us so bad, and yet, I feel like there’s still a chance you’ll walk away. And instead of pushing past my fears, I tried to run from them. I was hoping you’d chase me down, but what I realize is that you’re the one who needs to be chased. Your fears are still holding you back and I need to be helping you through them instead of selfishly succumbing to my own.”

I shake my head as another wave of emotion crashes into me. How can one man be so amazing? He’s so loving and honest and kind. And he’s right: my fears are holding me back. But that’s only because I have the same fear as him. I don’t want to lose him. Because if I do, I’ll never be the same again. These last three days are enough to show me exactly what it feels like when the one you’re madly in love with walks away. It felt like I was in mourning. Like I’d suffered a death and the future was never going to look as bright without that person in the world anymore. Without him by my side.

“Babe, talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking. I’m dying here.” His strained voice has me looking up and I see the tears in his eyes. He’s hurting, just like me. I need to tell him. He needs to know my why.

“I was there, Trigger. The day my mom decided she could no longer handle the pain. I was the one who found her.” His arms tighten their embrace and the comfort his strength provides allows me to find the courage to continue. “She had been crying for days, the endless sobs drifting from her room day and night, and nothing Joe or I said or did helped. Then one day, I heard the bath running. It was the first time she’d gotten out of bed by herself, without one of us dragging her, so I had a glimmer of hope that maybe she was finally starting to turn a corner. That maybe she was going to realize that Joe and I needed her and still loved her even if he didn’t.”

I have to stop as the image of what happened next comes flooding back to me. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it. Ever since Trigger came into my life, it stopped entering my mind every day. I used to have to drown myself in my work to get it to stop playing on repeat. But with Trigger, it just faded away. It wasn’t as if I’d forgotten, it was exactly what he’d said. I was making new memories and finally living in the moment and not in the past.

“An hour passed,” I tell him, trying to hold steady as I continue to trek down memory lane. “Finally, I decided to go check on her and see if she was hungry or needed a hug, or maybe wanted to come down and have dinner with us. But when I went in, she didn’t answer. And when I walked into the bathroom, I realized why. She was gone. The pain of my father’s betrayal killed her and not even the love Joe and I had for her was enough to live for. I had to sit with her until they came and took her away from me. I was alone in that bathroom, hating myfather for what he did. And hating myself for not checking on her sooner and fighting harder for her.”

The tears spill down my cheeks as I think about all the choices I made that day, and how I wished I’d never left her side. She told us she wanted to be alone, but I shouldn’t have listened.

“That’s why, Trigger. That’s why it’s so hard for me. I’m scared to give in because I’m terrified to let someone have that much control over my emotions. I’m terrified of what would happen if I ever lost you. For any reason. Because I believe you when you say you would never cheat on me. I know what kind of man you are. There’s no doubt in my mind how good you are and that I can trust you. But infidelity isn’t the only way you lose someone. And that’s what has me terrified.”

The truth is finally set free, and now he knows why I’ve been holding back.

“God, babe. I’m so damn sorry.” He pulls me even closer and gives me the comfort I’ve needed for years. The comfort my father should have given me and Joe but was too busy giving it to his girlfriend to care. “You have to know it wasn’t your fault, Nick. That it wasn’t because you didn’t do enough. She was sick, babe. And you and Joe did nothing wrong.”

“Yeah.” I nod against his chest. “My therapist finally got me to stop blaming myself for my actions. But I still can’t stop blaming my dad. He showed up to our graduation with the woman he’d had the affair with. It hadn’t even been a month since Mom’s funeral and he was acting as if life couldn’t get any better. Meanwhile, Joe and I were struggling, and life sucked back then. And no thanks to him, we got through it together, and found our way out of the dark fog. Then when I met you, all the clouds still lingering in my sky disappeared. And the sky has never shined so bright. But over the last few days, my world grew dark again, Trigger. It felt like I was right back in that moment and it scared me.”

“Shit, babe. I’m so sorry. I never should have left. I didn’t know what you were struggling with. Now that I do, I won’t make the same mistake twice. I promise, baby.”

I know he won’t. But all the promises in the world can’t stop happenstance. Sometimes life takes the ones we love from us early, like in a car accident, or a heart attack, or in a carjacking that no one in a million years saw coming. And the ones left behind are the ones who suffer. Are the ones who have to live day in and day out with the pain.

“Yeah, but what if something happens to you? Something out of your control. How am I supposed to go on?”

He sits back and holds my cheeks, looking at me with so much warmth in his eyes. I can tell he’s struggling for an answer, struggling to find the right words to soothe my soul and erase my fears, but what can he truly say? No one can really promise their future, because the path before them is unknown.

The look in his eyes changes, as if a light bulb just clicked on.

“Will you come somewhere with me, babe?”

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