Page 114 of Country Contract

“I could never get the cheese-to-macaroni ratio right.” Ma is right behind him, popping one noodle into her mouth.

The table falls silent, and we all look over to my dad, who is on cue, shoveling macaroni into Blake’s mouth. When he raises his head to meet all of us, he smiles. “What?”

Cassidy starts to laugh lightly, and Blake cheers with a mouth full of cheesy noodles.

The rest of the meal is lighthearted and easy. Everyone talks and laughs, and the flow of the whole evening seems so good, it could be scripted. Even when Cassidy and Hunter bring out Harlow’s tiramisu and a coffee carafe. The pairing and ending to our family meal are perfection.

When I look over to Harlow, I see her talking quietly with my mom and, although she’s smiling, I notice a tensionthere. I try not to stare, but when my mom reaches over and places her hand over Harlow’s, I notice that pinch turn into two brows pulled tightly up together. Her lips roll together, and she nods at whatever my mom is saying.

A pain sears through my chest watching this night come to a close. I know deep down Harlow’s family doesn’t function like ours. It’s colder and more clinical. When she goes back to her life in California, will she build a family like this with Heath, or will her life look more like the one her parents had given her?

Chapter 43

Harlow

Helen: How’s things? You come home this week, right?

Me: It’s been amazing. I don’t really want to come back.

Helen: Whoever wants to come back from vacation?

Me: I was technically working this whole trip. So don’t I deserve like a real vacation?

Helen: You haven’t had to deal with like REAL life. You got to read books away from everyone.

Me: I edit books. I don’t just read them.

Helen: Well, everyone here is waiting for you, Heath especially.

Me: Thank you for being in my corner, even though you’re the one who soldme out.

Helen: It’s the least I can do. He honestly seems sweet. If you go through with it, I don’t think it will be a bad life.

Me: It wouldn’t.

Helen: Want to call?

Me: I’ll call you later.

Helen: <3

Ishould work harder to be closer to Helen. We could have something close to what Harrison and Hunter have. I love their relationship and how inclusive they are. Cassidy told me the other night when we all had dinner together that she caught sight of them hugging their dad.

I couldn’t imagine seeing three grown men hugging each other until now. It’s not weird or weak. It’s empowering and so fucking adorable. The Hills’ kind, supportive nature is something I admire.

My chest physically hurts imagining coming back here to visit alone as a married woman and not being able to be as intimate with Harrison as I am now. Even worse, imagining coming back to visit with Heath as a plus one.

When I first started this whole contract with Harrison, I offered him money, which, holy fuck, now feels awful. I didn’t think I would grow as close to him as I have. More than just Harrison, there’s Cassidy, who I love, her daughter, Hunter, and Silas. I’ve come to view this place as a sanctuary instead of an escape.

Sitting on my couch, I wrap myself in a blanket and pull out the notebook I have our contract stuffed in. I see the section where I wrote down a monetary value for the time Harrison was willing to give me.

If he still wants it, I’ll give it to him.

I stare at the page, with all the stipulations I put down, his input barely there. I already broke the no-sleeping-over clause, and I regret that I didn’t do it sooner.

I don’t want to give him money unless he asks for it. I don’t view this whole thing as an exchange anymore. It’s meant more than that. Even if I gave him money, I don’t think it would be enough. I want to thank him on a more personal level.

The thin paper sits between my fingertips, and I rub them back and forth.

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