Page 31 of Country Contract

She brought her daughter when she came by and made motherhood look like the easiest thing. It’s as if Cassidy knew Blake’s next move, and Blake knew what her mother wanted from her.

I never thought too deeply about having kids. I like children enough; I just haven’t pictured myself with one. Seeing Cassidy had me picturing myself with a little girl of my own. Having her walk next to me in a small black dress and braided pigtails. Long, thick lashes like mine and a stone-cold face to match.

I smile, imagining other girls being bright and sunny,and my own daughter only shining around those she deems worthy.

That sounds a little sick, I know. But I can’t help but want a littlegirl I can relate to. I didn’t feel all warm, fuzzy, and full of sunshine when I was a kid. I wouldsmile for my sisters easily, but if we were out, I kept my head held high with the slightest tilt to my chin.

My father would joke, “She literally keeps her nose in the air.”

A sad part of me remembers it being hard for me to let others in. Maybe I would want my daughter to be a little sunnier than me.

A thought crosses my mind.

What if you have a son? It’s not like I get to pick what sex I have.

Within an instant, the picture of my hypothetical child changes. Instantly brighter and sweeter, cheery, still wearing black with a slight curl to his dark tresses. A button nose that crinkles when he laughs or smiles. I can feel myself lighten at the thought.

A boy mom?Not something I would have seen myself ever picturing so positively.

I wonder quickly if Heath would be a good father. If everyone gets their way, that’s where I’m going to end up. He’s been messaging me almost daily since I’ve been here. It’s not annoying, but it’s not welcome, either. I understand his desire to get closer to me in hopes of achieving this merger in all aspects.

I’m sure my dad wouldn’t mind a merger without marriage, but Heath seems to be set on a relationship with me.My sister also had an arranged marriage and it worked out so well that my parents only see the benefits of thiswhole ordeal.

He seems to be attentive as he tries to get closer to me. I would think he would be that way with his own child. I can tell his parents were attentive to him, so maybe he would model that same kind of behavior.

The other part of me worries that his workaholic nature would get in the way of him being present in a child’s life. Is he feigning interest in me to achieve his goal? Once he gets the engagement or marriage, will he still be as attentiveto meas he is now?

I have only answered one of his calls since I’ve been here, and it was simple. Mostly pleasantries.

My conversations with strangers in this town have come more naturally. What if I had met Heath at a social event instead of at an arranged marriage meeting? Would we have been able to make conversation? I highly doubt it.

He seems far too corporate, and I feel far too whimsical. I’m not the typical princess, either—more like aDark Crystalfairy. Or an unusually lovely troll. Maybe Harrison is onto something every time he calls me a witch. A large feminist part of me wants to hate it when he calls me that, but the other playful part of me enjoys it.

He passes the guesthouse frequently but doesn’t stay long, not like Cassidy has. If I’m outside he’ll give me a quick wave or a tip of his hat. The other day, he stopped by on horseback looking absolutely delectable.

I’ve always found men like Silas to be my type—rough around the edges with a punk-like style. On the flip side, I’ll also go for the business man who has a dark side. All-black suits with a sparse, if ever present, smile.

Harrison does not fit the persona of my usual partner. Outside of our first meet-up, he’s all chipper, sunny disposition, optimistic, and clean-cut. Clean-cut might not be theright word; he’s rugged in the way that he wrestles livestock and works outside daily, but that’s not the kind I like.

I need a man who can be demanding and match my energy. I have a direct nature about me. Being with me means being able to stand next to me and bounce off my big, dark energy, not try to tamp it down or get overshadowed by it. Some women like being the star of the show, but I would prefer being a power couple.

Harrison gives off that supportive, underdog vibe. A cheerleader from the sidelines who likes to give gentle kisses and ask if his partner is okay in the midst of passion. I don’t want to be asked anything in the bedroom. In fact, that’s the one place I can enjoy being told what I want and what to do.

Heath has a demanding nature about him, in a corporate sense, but I can’t see him being a passionate lover. It seems like his sexual playbook would be more simplified. The idea of him using a sex toy with me seems outrageous, like it would offend him.

With Harrison, the idea of using a toy in the bedroom with him would likely frighten him. Silas has that dominant, confident nature that wouldn’t be intimated by a silicone playmate. He seems the type to enjoy it even, like a challenge.

No less, Harrison looks damn fine for a man I would usually have no interest in. Maybe it’s his confidence in the way carries himself. His self-assured, sunny disposition. Maybe it’s all the clean air getting rid of my toxic thoughts.

“So, how many manuscripts have you gone through now?” Cassidy asks. She invited me over for a Saturday night dinner and possible bonfire if we feel up to it.

Their house gives off a warm, welcoming feeling. Everything has its place, but it’s not stuffy. She didn’t deep clean her house before I came over. Bake’s toys are still strewn across the floor. There are books on multiple surfaces throughout the house and a sippy cup lying on its side on the coffee table. The kitchen is half clean, and most of the dishes from the prepared meal are already washed and drying on a rack next to the sink. We sit in the informal dining area between the kitchen and the living room.

“Only three and I’ve been here for almost two weeks.” I fork freshly made mac and cheese and shove the cheesy goodness into my mouth. Freshly fried chicken sits on my plate, still too hot to eat. Cassidy revealed to me that this was a comfort meal for her.

“Is that an appropriate pace?” she asks.

“If I wasn’t behind, yes. I guess back home, I was distracted and struggling to stay on task. I’d start one and then move on to the other, which isn’t like me. I’m usually pretty good at staying on task, especially when it comes to reading.” That’s why I picked this line of work; it came so easily to me. Endless opportunities were at my fingertips but editing and publishing are my passion.

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