Page 40 of Country Contract

“Okay, well that’s not what I was looking to say.”

“What were you lookin’ to say?”

“I was actually hoping we could do it again.” His jaw drops. “I know you’re looking for Mrs. Right and all. But I think I can offer you some perspective. Take a break from all those crazy dates and try a no-strings relationship for once. We both know I’m leaving in a few weeks, so why the hell not? I think it would do us both some good.”

“What’s in it for you?” Direct, I’ll give him that.

“Honestly, I think something in me was dormant for a while. I’ve been kind of just floating by lately, like being stuck in a rut.” Suddenly I feel terrible, like I might be exploiting Harrison. He’s an adult, and he can say no. “I feel like the other day was the first time in a long time I didn’t feel so stuck. I felt alive and creative again. Working was easier, and I even started a new project for myself.”

Looking over to Harrison, I can see him considering my words. He looks over the land and aimlessly rubs at his horse’s mane. I look out and try to see what he sees, but for me, this land is new. It’s an escape. A break from my realities back home. It’s an intermission in my life. I think when Harrison looks out over this land, he sees his family’s legacy.He sees work. He sees the past, present, and a hopeful future. I can’t imagine looking at a piece of land and seeing all of that.

“I can’t do casual.”

“Can’t or won’t?” I arch a brow.

“Does it really matter? I don’t think I can, so I won’t.” He gives his horse a gentle nudge, and she starts to move.

Walking farther along the waterway, I listen to the clop of our horses’ hooves, the sounds of gentle running water, the wind rustling past me, and birds calling out to one another.

Harrison is so far ahead we could fit three riders between us. There is this underlying feeling that I should let him mull over our words. I give Star a firm kick, she begins to trot, and I pull up beside him. His eyes are fixed in front of him, and I catch the quickest side glance. There’s a disappointment in me catching him looking. It’s noticeable in the stiffness that takes place in his shoulders.

“I think you’re selling yourself short. I think you just haven’t tried it, and since you’re looking to findtheone, you don’t want to be preoccupied if she’s out there.” He sets his jaw. I’m probably digging myself a deeper grave, but I can’t seem to stop.

It’s strange. There is this part of me that feels like I could ask Silas for the same kind of company and he wouldn’t hesitate to jump. He’s the same age as Harrison, but for some reason, he comes across as older and more confident. It would be easier, simple, and clean-cut. The problem is that each time I’ve hung out with Silas, I felt a companionable comfort. There hasn’t been the kind of tension or desire I get when I spur Harrison on.

“If you’re doing casual and both parties know it’s casual, you get to call it whenever you want. You get to say, hey Ithink I met someone, and we just part ways. We’re going to part ways in a few weeks anyway. You and I both know I’m leaving, so there isn’t any confusion. If you meet your dream girl in the next month or so, I won’t be upset. Honestly, I’ll be happy for you. So why the hell not?”

He doesn’t even look at me. He sits tall on his horse and rides steadily next to me. This doesn’t last long; I see him make a small shift and his mare picks up into a trot. Not even giving me a proper refusal after my great speech. I should let it go, but a crazy idea comes over me.

“What if I make it worth your while, kid?”

He slows and looks over to me when I catch up, and our horses begin walking together at a matched pace again.

“What?”

“I’ll make it worth your while, you know?” I reiterate a little sheepishly. Then I hold up my hand and slide my thumb against my fingers.

You did not just offer to pay this kid for sex.

“Are you offering to pay me for sex?” he asks in a curt tone.

“Umm, not necessarily.” I avoid his gaze for a moment, and when I look back, I regret it. He’s hurt, offended, and appalled. I see it all in each small detail of his face. The heat behind his eyes, the flare of his nostril, the red undertone on his cheeks.

“Not necessarily?” He’s pissed.

“I mean, kind of; I’m more or less offering financial compensation for your time. We don’t have to have sex if you don’t want to. I think the tension between us is unique.”

He stops his horse, and his eyes are focused on the edge of the land that meets a tree line. It reminds me of a fairy tale. Plush fields lead to a hearty vibrantforest. Natural orchestras that change between the day and the night. He doesn’t look over at me as I stop next to him.

“No.” I can tell his words are final, and there is nothing I can do but accept it.

“Okay.”

Chapter 18

Harrison

Asaying like, “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth,” doesn’t make sense to me. I think it’s better to know what you’re taking on. Some gifts end up being a bigger pain in the ass than an actual gift. I can’t recall a time when I have experienced this myself, but this feels like that kind of situation.

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