Page 76 of Country Charm

“Lemon balm?” I ask.

“I don’t know, it was this shit or chamomile.” She slides into the bed next to me, tucking her fake-tanned legs under her.

I take off my mask before taking the mugs from her so she can join me in bed. Once she’s in and comfortable, she takes hers back and lets out a sigh. It’s been a long night, in many senses.

“So, are you going to fill me in, or am I going to have to grill you?” She gives me a knowing look. Georgie takes a long sip from her tea and turns her face away. Leaning forward to get a better look, I see her mouth twisted and her eyebrows drawn up. I watch as she swallows the liquid, her eyes squeezed tightly shut.

I can’t help but giggle a little at her.

She snaps her head around to look at me, obviously displeased. She sets her mug down on the bedside table.

“Well, now you drink it.” She stares at me flatly.

I give her a defiant look and take a long sip myself. At first, it tastes like warm water—nothing much to it at all. That all changed when the liquid hit the back of my tongue. I can tell from this one sip Georgie does not know how to brew tea; whatever bag she had in here had been taken out far too soon. The taste reminds me of when I was a child and meant to blow away the petals of a dandelion but accidentally breathed them in. Light floral and light lemon. No boldness, no roundness. Just plants and warm water. I want to make a face; however, Georgie is watching me. I am far too prideful to show my discomfort when I so obviously saw hers.

I swallow and give her a look.

“This shit is for the birds.” I set the mug down next to me and grab my Hydro Flask to have a drink of water towash away the taste. I offer the bottle to Georgie, and she gladly accepts.

“I was trying to be comforting, now spill,” she drills me. I can only shake my head at her directness. It’s something I love and understand about her. It’s something that connects us. I won’t beat around the bush to break down what I’m going through.

I give her a quick rundown from the beginning. She tries to get me to fast forward to tonight because despite being one of my best friends, she is still a woman who loves the tea.

She wants to know why I’ve been so on edge; she wants to know why I was checking my phone throughout the entire day, why Hunter was in town, and why that has thrown me even more off-kilter. She wants to know it all.

If there is someone I think I can get a genuine breakdown from, it’s Georgie. Lynn is too much of a romantic and will push me to try even if it might not be the right fit. Mary can go either way—she could be feeling romantic due to her upcoming nuptials, or she could be over it all due to stress; not to mention she has enough on her plate to be worrying about my love life.

After I get Georgie to let me tell mostly everything from start to finish, she preps her responses. I can see the wheels in her head turning as she plans her approach with me. She went from sitting upright with her legs tucked under her to lying on her side, a pillow between her knees and her chin perched on the heel of her hand. She plays at her bottom lip with her pointer finger for a moment before she starts.

“So, when he got mad about the job, did his anger scare you or make you mad?” she starts.

I think back to that phone call, to his tone and mine. I try to break things down and see the situation from hisperspective, but that’s the problem. Hunter has always wanted something I couldn’t give him, and I can’t imagine his point of view because he set himself up for failure.

“Scare me how? I am pretty sure I was just mad.” I nod a few times ensuring Georgie that this is my answer.

“Oh Cassidy, you don’t know what being scared is since college. Even then, you weren’t scared for you, you were scared for that sad sap of a boyfriend you had. Being scared means you know something in you is changing and you have to face it. It can mean that everything can change in an instant because of your partner’s needs, and you actually care. It means you’re scared because when you are making a choice, you’re worried about how it will affect them. When Hunter got mad, did you feel any of those things?”

I did feel those things, to some extent. The fact that I can agree with any of those things brings out a different side of me. A side I don’t quite understand, and I take pride in knowing myself best. I like that I’ve been comfortable for so long. There has been a contentment in me that has brought me an immense amount of joy. My independence is something I love too much to delve deeply into any of the fearful feelings Georgie is talking about.

My independence has gotten me so far and given me so much. I don’t know if the girls can fully understand how I feel when this gets threatened. All of them have always thrived in relationships, and they felt comfortable sharing their lives with their partners. They enjoy sharing their independence with someone.

“I might have. I honestly don’t know. I don’t think I’ve ever been in this place before. Not really. I didn’t even consider that guy from college when thinking about where I would end up after we graduated."

I settle myself into the bed a little further, mirroring Georgie’s position.

“I don’t even know if I was considering Hunter when I told him about the job. I do know I wanted to tell him. The fight after was less than ideal.”

Georgie lays herself down on the pillow still facing me for a moment before turning more onto her back and looking up at the ceiling.

“What if he said something more like ‘Damn Cassidy that’s great. Guess next weekend might be our last, better make it worth our while’?”

A pang in my chest sounds. What I believed to be a strong heart seems suddenly more fragile than I’d like. I don’t like those words either, but they are not as scary as the fight.

Shit. Scary.Just like Georgie said.With that thought alone, I know what I have to do. The further into this conversation I get, the more I know what I need.

“I don’t think I would like that any better,” I huff.

“And when Hunter comes in and knocks the typical guy you bring home on his ass,” she pauses and raises a perfectly threaded brow. “How did that make you feel?”

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