Page 54 of Secrets and Shadows

LILITH

I can almost hearthe echoes of laughter as I walk past groups of students huddled together, their eyes darting my way, whispering words that hit the mark. “Freak.” “Abomination.” “Dual.”

They don’t see me; they see the labels that they think define me. I pull the hood of my cloak up a bit higher, trying my best to block out their gazes and their words. But it doesn’t. The whispers keep following me everywhere I go.

That’s why lately I spend most of my time in the library. Everything is quiet, a sanctuary from the chaos outside. Here, I can lose myself in the pages, forgetting for a moment that I’m now an outcast. I walk deeper into the quiet rows of books, taking a deep breath and soaking in the familiar scent of aged paper and ink, which feels like home in a world that feels increasingly foreign.

Even with the Predator pin on my chest, I can’t shake the feeling I don’t belong here anymore. I’m caught between two worlds—neither fully Predator nor entirely Prey. And it’s lonely. It’s a constant reminder that I’m not entirely welcome in either section. I keep wondering if Headmistress Bennett will decide tokick me out, banishing me from this place I’ve fought so hard to be a part of. The thought twists my stomach in knots.

Just yesterday, I’d asked her if I should move to a different dorm. She’d looked at me with those piercing eyes of hers, reassuring me that I could stay. But did she mean it, or was it just another half-hearted attempt to placate me? I can’t help but feel that the more I learn about my powers, the more I may be a threat to the Balance.

I wander through the library, stopping at a shelf lined with tomes dedicated to Shadows—both the theories surrounding them and the practicalities of wielding their power. I brush my fingers against the spines until they settle on one of the heavier volumes I've come across. Pulling it from the shelf I find the cover is cracked and faded. The title readsUnderstanding Duality: The Path to Mastery, and a bitter smile tugs at my lips.

Well damn. Exactly what I was looking for.

With my heart racing, I open the book and begin skimming through the pages, absorbing the words, hoping to find a hint of something that can help explain what's happening to me.

The authors speak of balance and embracing both sides of oneself, but it’s just common general information. The book doesn’t talk about the true nature of a Dual, and there’s nothing here that resonates with my own experience with two Shadows. It’s clear whoever wrote this doesn’t know what it’s like to live like this, to feel like a puzzle piece that doesn’t quite fit anywhere.

With a heavy sigh, I close the book and turn my gaze toward the window, watching the rain drizzle down the glass. I wish I could wipe away how I’m feeling as easily as the raindrops slide down the pane, each one merging into the next, just… flowing.

I take a deep breath, trying, and failing, to push all my overwhelming emotions aside as I take a seat at a desk. My hand hovers above a blank piece of paper, the quill tremblinga bit, before I start writing. I’m desperate to unload how I feel somewhere, anywhere. And there’s no one better to vent to than Natalie.

Gods, I miss her. She’s always had so much faith in me, believing that I’ll somehow figure it all out. But right now, it feels like I’m letting her down.

Dear Natalie,

So much has happened since I left, and I really wish you were here to help me navigate all of this. In times like these, I could definitely use your wisdom. Seriously, you always seem to know what to do.

Firstly, since I know you’re probably burning with curiosity: Yes, the academy is filled with hot-as-fuck guys, and yes, I may have hooked up with a few of them. I might have even caught a glimpse of my fated mate, but I’m not entirely sure. I haven’t crossed paths with him since, but I promise to write to you again if I find him.

Now, onto the real struggle.

Summoning Shadows is proving to be way more difficult than I expected. I managed to pull it off during the Shadowing, but things have been… chaotic ever since.

Nat, I’m scared. I feel like there’s something wrong with me, but I can’t quite figure out what it is. I could really use a bit of normalcy right now—I’d do anythingto talk to you face-to-face and get one of your famous hugs.

We’re still not allowed any visits or trips to the outside world, but the headmistress has finally permitted letters. So, if you want to reach out, you can write back to me. Just please, keep it discreet in case someone else reads it before it gets to me...

“Hey, Lilith. What are you doing?” Tony’s voice makes me jump and he plops down beside me at the table. I quickly scan the room, forgetting where I was for a moment. Realizing I’m still in the Predators’ library, I’m now extremely curious what Tony is doing here.

I give him a sideways glance. My friend looks like he usually does, his hair a bit messy, his clothes a little rumpled and his round glasses sliding down his nose. And I always find it comforting.

“Writing a letter,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady. “You know, keeping in touch with the outside world.”

He raises an eyebrow, a teasing smile creeping onto his lips. “To your secret admirer?”

I bark out a laugh, and the tension in my shoulders eases slightly. “Something like that,” I reply, rolling my eyes.

Tony leans closer, his tone turning serious. “Are you really okay? You know, you don’t have to do this alone. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”

That catches me off guard, and for a moment, I’m tempted to spill everything—the fears, the doubts, the longing for home. But instead, I just nod, grateful he’s here.

I clear my throat. “What areyoudoing here?” I ask, noticing how he’s fidgeting and adjusting his glasses. It’s clear he feels out of place, but he still inches his chair closer to me.

While there’s no rule against Prey being here, it’s definitely not something that happens often. I’m sure he probably received some disapproving looks on his way here.

“I came to check on you. With everything going on, I thought you might appreciate having someone on your side,” he explains with a soft exhale.

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