Page 34 of Utah

“Death isn’t always the worst thing to happen to someone, Utah. But yeah, I’ve seen some shit. I witnessed Marek and Stone both get gunned down.”

I finished off my beer and popped the top to another. “But they didn’t die.”

“No, they didn’t. But that wasn’t for a lack of trying.” Ryder tapped the edge of the bar, seemingly gathering his words. “During the war with the Savage Reapers, way before your time with the club, we lost several brothers. Not to mention what happened with….” His words trailed off, piquing my curiosity, and I was grateful for the slight distraction.

“Not to mention what happened with what?”

“Both my wife and daughter were kidnapped, held hostage. My daughter, Zoe….” His words evaporated for the second time, refusing to finish his previous sentence. “Like I said, death isn’t always the worst thing to happen to someone.”

“Isn’t she Brick’s wife?” I asked, not knowing why I needed clarification. Perhaps I wanted to get off topic, or maybe I needed to know bad shit happened to other people. That I wasn’t alone in dealing with the evils of the world.

“Yeah, she is.” He paused before continuing, “I don’t know your story. But we’ve all been through some things. We’ve all dealt with death, with feeling useless at some point by not being able to protect our own goddamn families. So, deal with whatever you’re feeling, but then move on. Don’t dwell ’cause it won’t change a fuckin’ thing.”

While I still needed some time to process Crash’s murder,he was right. Dwelling on shit was wasted energy because I couldn’t change what happened.

Wanting to steer the topic away from me, I broached the topic of our enemy.

“Do we know where Javier is? He can be planning another attack as we sit here.”

“Marek found out earlier today that he’s back in Mexico with his uncle. Has been for a couple days now.”

“Fuckin’ coward,” I grumbled, steadying myself by gripping on to the ledge of the bar. The blend of alcohol and pills finally hit me. “Maybe his uncle was the one who set all this in motion, and we’ll be walking into a trap.”

“We won’t know that until we get there.”

“How are you not worried?” I asked, Ryder’s image blurring in front of me.

“I’m worried, but there’s nothing I can do to change anything. I’m not even going to Mexico. Those that are staying behind will be on standby in case we’re needed, but I have every faith Prez and Salzar will put an end to the situation.”

“Situation,” I parroted, as if what had happened between us and the cartel was nothing more than a common circumstance.

Ryder rose from his seat and slapped me on the back. “Drink up because this might be the last time we’re all together.”

My mouth dropped open. “Wh… what do you mean?”

“Sorry, I meant for a while. Once everything goes back to normal, we won’t have a need to come back here.”

“Oh.” His explanation barely helped ease the thumping of my heart.

Ten minutes after Ryder left, I stood up and almost fell on my face. Thankfully, Rez was only five feet from me.

“Easy, big guy.” He helped to steady me. “Fuck, Utah. You’re a heavy bastard.”

“All mus… muscle,” I slurred.

“I know, but still.”

“You need any help with him?” Ace asked, rushing toward us. There were two images of him, so I focused on the one on the right.

“Yeah. Let’s get him back to one of the bedrooms so he can sleep it off.”

They talked about me like I wasn’t there. “I’m not goin’ to bed yet. I’m not done.”

“Yeah, you are.” Rez shoved his shoulder underneath my arm, and Ace helped to prop me up on the other side. “You don’t wanna do anything to jeopardize going to Mexico, do you? What if you fall and hurt yourself? You know damn well Prez will pull the plug on you going.”

Since I was seeing double and could barely stand by myself, I didn’t give much of an argument. “Fine. But tell me one thing first.”

“What?”

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