Page 22 of The Tryst

She pauses to reflect, gaze going out the window. When she brings those ferny Blackburn eyes back to me, she says, “He’s a different person now. He’s changed. Grown up. Gotten wiser. He made a horrible mistake and he genuinely apologized for it. I chose to believe he meant it and gave it another go, and as I sit here and think about it, I know I made the right decision. The way I figure it, it just wasn’t our time all those years ago. Our time is now.”

I’m stunned by Kat’s practicality as well as her open-mindedness on forgiving Gabe. Trey has apologized to me, but I can’t accept it. Granted, he’s asked for me to sit down and listen to him because he has more to say. Is he going to give me the same line that Gabe gave Kat? That he’s truly a changed man now?

How could I ever believe him?

Maybe the same way Kat believes Gabe.

For a split second, I consider telling Kat about my own secret past with Trey. Of all the people who would understand, it would be her. She lived it too. But the words catch in my throat because I’m not sure I want to hear her advice. I expect after the initial shock, she’d push me to give her brother another chance. Mostly though, the shame of having given in to Trey earlier is too fresh,too raw. I violated my own values by having sex with a man I don’t trust and mostly despise, merely because I wanted to get back at him. I wanted revenge and I was going to get it by letting him have me once, and then shutting the door on him forever.

Instead, I agreed to see him again, in secret, and I’m right back to where it all started.

“Holland,” Kat says, and I jerk at my name, lost in my mixed emotions. “I have to ask… why did you really leave? I mean, you were such a big part of our lives, and then you just vanished. It’s hard to believe it was because you got busy.”

And here it is. The question I’ve been waiting for and frankly, they all deserve an answer. The only problem is, I can’t divulge the full truth.

So I decide to give her a partial.

I take a deep breath, shoring up my resolve. “I was busy, but you’re right… not the reason I avoided returning home. I was avoiding my parents, or rather, mainly my father.”

“But why?” Kat asks, head tilted.

The waitress returns with a tray and sets down our plates. I appreciate how good it all looks while I undo my silverware. “My relationship with my parents was… complicated. My dad was an alcoholic.”

Kat looks up from cutting into her salad. “What?”

I nod sadly, using my fork to jab a strawberry. “It made things really hard, and my mom… she never stood up to him. I needed to get away from that, to find some peace.”

Expression soft with empathy, Kat reaches over and touches my hand. “I’m so sorry, Holland. I had no idea.”

“And why would you? I kept it secret.”From everyone but Trey.“I didn’t want to burden anyone with it. Your family was my escape, my safe place, and I wanted it to be totally separate from my home life.”

“We would have helped,” Kat says, squeezing my hand. “You know that, right?”

“I do,” I reply, squeezing her hand back. “But I needed to find my own way. There was so much pain here that when I had my opportunity to escape, I went as far away as I could go.”

I’m not sure if I’m talking about escaping my parents or escaping Trey, but they both apply.

“I guess I still don’t understand why you couldn’t at least keep in touch with us. We tried to call and text, and sometimes you’d respond, but gradually, you just stopped.”

She’s pressing hard, as expected, and I don’t have a good answer for it. At least not one that would be acceptable to her, but I do tell her another semi-truth. “Something happened before I left that I couldn’t face anymore. And while I can’t tell you what it was, it was better for me to leave Shelbyville behind and never look back. Unfortunately, that meant cutting ties with everything. I’m really sorry that our friendship was a casualty of that.”

Kat studies me critically from across the table. “I don’t agree with what you did. I mean, I understand that you felt you had to cut us all away, but it was wrong.”

I nod in understanding. “I know. And I’m sorry. It’s what I thought would be best for me at the time.”

We stare at each other, Kat’s expression unreadable. I almost expect her to get up and walk out on me, because really… there was no good excuse to cut off ties with all the Blackburns.

Instead, she beams a smile at me. “It’s a good thing I’m a cool chick and I utterly forgive you!” Kat digs into her salad, shoves a bite into her mouth, and while she’s chewing, says, “So, tell me about Zurich. Do you really like it there?”

Laughing, I take a bite of my quiche, savoring just how good it is. “It’s a beautiful city, and I have a great job. I’ve made some good friends, too. It’s just… different.”

“Different how?” Kat asks.

I pause, searching for the right words. “It’s… lonely sometimes. My job, while it’s fulfilling, can be incredibly demanding. Sometimes I feel like I’m just going through the motions.”

Kat’s eyes are full of concern. “Have you thought about coming back? For good, I mean?”

The question hangs in the air because being back here, surrounded by the Blackburns, has stirred something inside me. A longing for home, for connection. “Never,” I say while staring her right in the eyes.

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